There’s a lot of things about me you don’t know anything about, Dottie. Things you wouldn’t understand. Things you couldn’t understand. Things, you SHOULDN’T understand… – Pee Wee Herman "Pee Wee’s Big Adventure".

THE BLOG ABOUT MY WEEKEND AT THE JERSEY SHORE

What is up kids???

Did everyone have the money weekend?  i sure did, but i’m still paying for it BAD.  Apparently i can’t have a few beers, then go out and drink a few pitchers of Dos Equis, then go to another bar and drink a bunch of Grey Goose and clubs (because i’m fancy) and also because sometimes the Goose is loose.  But then after another beer and a couple of shots i decided to do a power hour when we got back to the house and proceeded to black out and then somehow make the drive back home from the shore the next day and then nap and eat nonstop watching another “Bar Rescue “marathon all day Sunday while i was once again hung over…

But i can’t complain.  i hit up a bagel place on the way home and ordered a Belly Buster.  “What’s that miguel?”  Well relax for a hot one and i’ll tell you.  It’s egg, bacon, sausage, taylor ham, and a pork roll on an egg bagel with salt pepper and MAYO son!  “But what about all that “BOOWHIP” sauce i saw all over it as well as all over your chin?”  Well that sauce didn’t come with the sandwich, i added that myself after i took my first bite.  Because that’s how good it was, it made me POP in my pants.

But that’s not everyone wants to hear about, everyone wants to know how else my trip down the shore was!  “But we didn’t even know and/or care that you went down the shore miguel!  So you can tell us about if you want but please DO NOT act like we are the least bit interested!”  Well played ya jerk face.  But yeah i was in Belmar with the wifey and a group of friends and the highlight of the trip BY FAR was hitting up Tenth Avenue Burrito.  Have you kids been to this place?  It is straight up the DINERO, and it was actually featured on that show “Diners, Drive ins and Dives” with that douchebag Guy Fieri.  Actually that guy is okay i guess but i never watch that show or saw that episode.  i mean look at this fool…

Anyways, back to my big beefy burrito this place was fantastic.  First of all they sold multiple pitchers of beer for 9 bucks, and as any beer drinker knows if you can get a pitcher of beer for under 10 beans you are in great shape.  But the pork mole nachos were OUTSTANDING, and the chips and salsa they bring to your table straight up melt in your mouth.  i also ordered a steak burrito and for the extra $1.99 they added a Chipotle cream sauce which as you can guess made me cream my own jeans.  Haha just kidding, i was wearing shorts.  But for real kids this meal was AMAZING!  So much so i decided it deserved it’s own rant which i’m doing now!

And as great as an experience as this place was the funniest thing about this restaurant is it’s address.  “Yeah we get it miguel, 10th Ave Burrito on 10th Ave, what’s the joke?”  The joke is that it’s not actually on 10th Ave you interrupting motherf*cker, it’s on Belmar Plaza and that’s what i was trying to say before you so rudely interrupted me YET AGAIN.  So shut your trap and let me get to the nonsense already!!!

RANDOM NONSENSE

-So if you didn’t watch it yet PLEASE check out the latest episode of “VHS Breakdown” where i review “Pee Wee’s Big Adventure.”  It’s pretty fantastic if i do say so myself, although if you want to watch and comment to either agree or say otherwise please feel free to do so!  And by otherwise i mean if you talk bad about me i will find you and it will not be pretty i can tell you that.  But thanks for watching and SUBSCRIBING to our channel because i love you all and you are the best!!!

So did you love it?  i hope so, but i don’t care if you do.  Kate says it’s okay and that’s all that matters to me!  Right Kate? Tell everyone what you think!

i LOVE “VHS BREAKDOWN” and MIGUEL JOSE!!  – MISS KATE UPTON

“OLD SCHOOL” NONSENSE- So i REALLY need to get new windshield wipers for my car.  Like really bad, i can barely f’n see when it’s raining and when it’s raining at night forget it i’m like a kamikaze Mexican bomber in that car ready to smash into something and die in a fiery crash.  So you would think i would just get new wipers right?  i would think that too but the problem is i only remember that i need new wipers WHEN IT’S F’N RAINING!  When it’s nice out i’m not thinking about those stupid wipers because i’m not using them.  And who knows, maybe it’ll never rain again in my life!  It’s nice out right now, maybe it will stay that way forever!  Sounds like decent logic to me.  So yeah when it’s nice out i forget i need them and every time it rains i think i’m going to kill someone on the road, most likely myself.  Oh well, there’s really no solution i guess.  i mean besides just getting wipers already i mean.

 “OLD SCHOOL” Tips for “OLD SCHOOL” Video Games: i haven’t done this bit in a LONG time, but i saw this on the Interwebs and it was too funny not to share! Everyone knows that with the old Nintendo system that you had to blow into the system to make it work.  What they didn’t realize is that what they should have been doing is sucking IN air from their controller to make it work even BETTER!

“OLD SCHOOL” NONSENSE THREE! -Can someone tell me what the deal is with girls always falling for their dentists?  i swear, every girl i know has a crush on their dentist.  i had trouble figuring it out for while, and at first i thought maybe all dentists must really be that hot?  But now i’m thinking, maybe it’s because for once the girl just has to sit there and shut their f’n trap, and that now that they are finally made to listen to someone else talk for once instead of just running their mouth.  Then they realize “wow, this guy is so interesting!  i think i want to bang him!”  No darlin, this is what happens when you actually have a conversation with someone instead of just waiting for the person to stop talking so you can run your mouth again with nonsense that no one cares about.  It’s either that or the nerve gas i think, one or the other.
Fast Food Tips – -Burger King has a “2 for $5” deal going on right now that is actually not too bad.  For $5 duckets you can get any combination of BK sandwiches, from the original chicken sandwich to the fish sandwich as well as the Whopper.  And normally these sandwiches on their own are like 3 sheckles so you’re saving about a dollar on this promotion.  And now that i’m writing this out it doesn’t sound like THAT great a deal.  But like i said earlier i’m hungover and tired so i’m not erasing this and you’re going to have to deal with this fair to poor, more towards poor “Fast Food Tip.”  But these tips are free so you get what you pay for i guess.

Oh speaking of “Fast Food Tips” i realize i haven’t dropped a “Fast Food Fact” in awhile.  So here it is.
Fast Food FACTS:

What a lovely note to end on!  Because with that i’m going to say have a great week and make sure you tune in to “VHS Breakdown” this Wednesday at 4:20 for the premier of “Better Off Dead!”

There’s only two episodes left, this one and our GRAND FINALE.  But yeah tune into that on Wednesday, and have the money week and i’ll see you guys on Friday with an all new blog!  And oh yeah, i got the MONEY surprise for everyone soon that i’m either telling everyone on Friday on this blog or some time during the week on my VHS Breakdown Facebook page so you’ll want to tune in for that as well.

Cya Friday! –  @migueljose_85 on Twitter