The Blog After Wrestlemania 32

5 Apr

” I get a lot of influence from Pro Wrestling.  People are like, ‘Oh it’s fake.’ But it’s not about whether the guy wins or loses, it’s about how he entertains you the whole time you’re watching.” – Gabriel Iglesias

What is up kids?

So did everyone have a good weekend? i know i’m asking this on a Tuesday when last weekend seems like FOREVER ago and you’re dying for it to be Friday already so you can enjoy your few days off for what feels like 3 seconds and then the next thing you know it’s already Monday and the horrific cycle that is work and life starts all over again…

But for today i’m going to go back, back to last Saturday when my beautiful wife and i attended the wedding of two people that are perfect for each other Mike and Alicia.  And speaking of perfect, their wedding was the epitome of what everyone dreams their wedding will be like.  A beautiful ceremony, the SICKEST cocktail hour complete with a mac and cheese bar and high end open bar so there was every delicious food and booze you can imagine!  So yeah it was a gorgeous ceremony and a fun party between two people who love each other and belong together and i couldn’t be happier that they included us on their special day!

And yes, when i got home the first thing i did was pass out drunk on my couch in my full suit only to wake up 4 hours later not knowing where i was and then spent another 2 hours puking my guts out and writhing in agony.  i don’t have to be a responsible adult just yet, my child won’t be born for another month!

But yeah after that incredible Saturday i spent my Sunday morning… okay i spent the morning on all 4’s throwing up in the shower as well, are you happy?? Stop judging me!!  But i also met up with my boys  Jay John and Duffy to hit up our annual all you can eat buffet on the day of WrestleMania, a tradition that we’ve kept going for the last SEVENTEEN YEARS!!  And what better way to celebrate watching a bunch of hot jacked men in tights wrestle each other and tell each other to SUCK IT then by shoving unlimited amounts of salty meat down your throats with your best friends!

So yeah after an incredible weekend of friends, love, food, booze and barf i am SPENT!  Good thing for me it’s only Tuesday and the weekend is f*cking FOREVER away.  But at least you’ve got some free ha ha’s and some Nonsense to help make this week go faster!  You’re welcome!!!

RANDOM NONSENSE

– i f*cking HATE teeth.  Not like looking at them or anything the way i hate looking at disgusting sweaty feet, i mean i hate the idea of teeth.  The maintenance, the brushing, the flossing, the mouthwash, bleeding gums, going to the DENTIST, it’s all the WORST! And how come you can go to the doctor for literally ANY part of your body unless it’s the teeth and then you have to see someone else?  It’s garbage and just another way to get screwed by insurance, even though for some reason dental never covers ANYTHING and you have to pay a ton out of pocket anyway. But at least everything he does hurts a lot!

And i know what some of you girls are thinking, “OMG i love my dentist!”  And i’m sure he loves you too, mostly because he hangs out with you when your mouth is full of cotton and/or tubes and you can’t talk or say anything.  Trust me, a lot more people would feel the same way if that was always the case!

 

“OLD SCHOOL” NONSENSE- Speaking of hangovers, I might have said this before but when i’m dying and starving and get a bacon egg and cheese on a bagel for my hangovers i get it with mayo and not ketchup.  Some people think this is gross, but those people are judgemental aholes who don’t understand the pain i go through with my hangovers.  Because if they did, they’d know that all the fat and grease from a bacon egg and cheese is almost enough to make me feel better, but it’s that coating of mayo that REALLY makes my tummy scream in orgasm.  Nothing like covering delicious fatty bacon with even more liquid fat!

i would think most of you haven’t even tried it yet so i’m telling you now, go do it!  i may be hurt up, but once i took a bite of that juicy greasy disaster my friend in my pants went boooooWHIP!  And i’ll tell you right now that stuff that came out sure as hell wasn’t mayo!  Alright that last bit is a little rough.  But yeah for real you should try it.  The mayo i mean, not my “booowhip” sauce.

– So now that i’m married to my best friend and a hot girl way out of my league and am lucky enough to have our first child on the way i have to say my life is pretty great and i like it a lot.  But maybe not as much as this next guy, as Jim Post is literally living the DREAM.  It’s hard to argue that he has it better then most, especially when looking at my next entry into the  The BEST Album Covers of ALL TIME!   Which is why today i present to you Jim Post and “i Love My Life!”

Fast Food Tips – If you’re like me your favorite thing to do is to go to Burger King, eat a Whopper and enjoy as it destroys your stomach and intestines and then squirts out fast from between your butt cheeks hopefully into a toilet.  But if you’re also like me you can’t help but wonder, “Can it get any worse?”  And with today’s Fast Food Tip i’m here to tell you yes, it can!

And this is because BK has introduced it’s ANGRIEST Whopper yet, one that not only has jalapenos on the burger but the buns are also infused with hot sauce to give it an even extra kick.  And i guarantee that once you eat one your own personal buns will be infused with hot sauce as well, as will the inside of your toilet bowl!  Bon appetit!

And that’s it for me today kids!  Sorry for the delay, I’ve been having site issues all day but hopefully you still find today’s blog funny as f*ck balls.  But have a great week and i’ll see you all next Tuesday with an all new blog!  And hopefully on time as well!

Cya,  miguel jose

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