The beauty is that through disappointment you can gain clarity, and with clarity comes conviction and true originality. – Conan O’Brien

10 Nov

What is up kids?

So i’m a little f*cking heated after this past weekend, and it’s for something that i know i shouldn’t let bother me.  And it sucks because other then this one thing i couldn’t possibly be going through a better time in my life right now.  i have a MUCH better job then the one i had when i started this blog, and by much better i mean i don’t want to jab a pair of scissors into my jugular rather then walk into that hell hole one more time.  Although hell hole is a little rough, because you probably don’t get to hang out with some of your best friends in hell.  Which by the way, doesn’t that seem like something corporate America banks on?  The fact that the relationships you have with the people you work with will make it worth you working/staying there besides the fact that management treats you and pays you like garbage?  Honestly, if it wasn’t for the people you work with most of us would be out of our jobs WAY sooner.  Just a thought…

But yeah my current job has definitely been money lately so it’s not that.  And like i said last blog i’m engaged to my best friend (What’s his name!??!) and i just got to celebrate my Godson Kieran’s 2nd birthday with my entire family in Cape Cod and everything else besides the Mets losing really has been going my way lately.  But for some reason i’m just so gddamn heated about Donald Trump hosting SNL last weekend, and for some reason i just can’t get over it.  Because for real, as i’ve said a million times before Trump is a lying racist bag of douche with the soul of a toilet at a Taco Bell restaurant in the poor section of Tijuana.

And the thing is, i already know Trump is a waste of sperm who deserves a sexually transmitted disease named after him.  What i want to know is how did Lorne Michaels and the cast at SNL actually think it’d be cool or funny to have this heartless motherf*cker host one of America’s greatest institutions? And i say that with all seriousness, as i’ve been a huge fan of SNL since the 80’s and i’ve watched ever since including all the years they said the show was DONE.

But i didn’t watch it last weekend, and to be honest i don’t know if i want to watch this Saturday either.  Because f*ck SNL for having this $hit stain as their host.  And shame on all of you who watched, because unless it was your job to report on this show you shouldn’t have given them the pathetic ratings that they wanted. It’s like the people who hate Kim Kardashian but still pay attention to everything she does.  Because it’s one thing to hate what she stands for, it’s another thing to realize the only reason she is famous is because people give her attention and make her that way.  Which means Trump sucks donkey balls, but everyone who watched him has to take some blame in this as well.  And they should, because when the media says “Kardashian!” or “Trump!” everyone has to watch and then say how stupid both of them are.  Which in reality it’s the viewer giving them any attention at all that are WAY more stupid, and therefore should be ashamed at what they’ve created.

But no one is ashamed for feeding into their bull$hit, and no one ever learns.  And because of this we have heard people like Trump and Ben Carson saying INSANE things yet leading the Repubs in the polls. And i’m not saying the other republican candidates are better or that there’s nothing wrong with Democrats because they are all f’n crazy (except Bernie Sanders).  But these two are straight up LUNATICS, and Trump is an openly racist lunatic who SNL thought was okay to host and you thought was okay to watch.  But i’m glad i didn’t, and if SNL doesn’t realize the error of their ways i might not watch again until they do.  And if there is one thing that makes me happy after this entire racist debacle it’s that i’ve heard from the people who have seen his hosting job say it was one of the WORST episodes of SNL of all time, and it honestly couldn’t have happened to people who deserved it more.


– If i’m being honest there is ONE thing i wish i was able to watch on SNL this past weekend, and that’s Larry David playing Bernie Sanders.  Because that is the funniest and most accurate person to play someone of all time on this show!

And to make it even better, Larry David had heard that a Hispanic group offered $5,000 to any one in the crowd that shouted out “Donald Trump is a racist!” during his monologue so Larry David did it!  And not only that, the group is giving him the 5k!  God Bless the USA!  And Mexico! And God bless Larry David!

– Speaking of God, if you haven’t heard already and hopefully you haven’t Starbucks is releasing their new “holiday” cups for the winter season!  And apparently they are just regular red cups and don’t have any “Christmas” themes on them like snowflakes and reindeer or whatever else they use to have on them and instead are just a bright red.

And if this sounds like the dumbest and most boring thing you’ve heard all day first of all you’re correct, but secondly you must not be a Christian because they are EXTREMELY offended by this and they truly believe Starbucks is waging a war on Christmas and they will no longer be drinking coffee at Starbucks!  And i wish this wasn’t a real thing that i was writing about, i really do.  But these pansy ass, over sensitive, nothing real to be upset over, first world problem having super religious white people have decided to make this an actual thing.  And to that i just gotta say please find out what the real problems other people are having in this world are before you open your dumb mouth to complain.  PLEASE.  And if you think there is an “actual” war on Christmas then maybe it’s time to stop watching Fox News and to take yourself out of the bubble because red cups and saying “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry X-Mas!” will NOT kill Christmas and there’s no chance it ever would.  And yes i wrote “X-mas” on purpose to hopefully bunch those panties even higher up your butthole that is so tight it could turn sand into glass.  Stop being such a ho ho ho and get over yourself already!

– Speaking of actual real issues, i’d like to say Happy Birthday to the Marine Corps who are celebrating 240 years of faithful service.  And i’d also like to say an early Happy Veterans day to all of those brave enough and strong enough to have served our country.  The sacrifice all of you made to fight for a country that has never appreciated you enough is incredible, and i for one will forever be in your debt.  i don’t know how you did what you did and do what you do when there are people who live here getting mad about red cups at Starbucks, but that’s exactly why you’re so amazing and special and exactly why i appreciate you all so much.  So thank you!!!
“OLD SCHOOL” NONSENSE – Who designed martini glasses? i don’t know but if i had to guess i’m guessing a$$holes.  i mean don’t get me wrong, there ain’t nothing wrong with getting down and dirty with a dirty.  But these glasses are so oddly shaped that it’s basically impossible to do anything but sit there and drink slowly unless you want to pour half that $12 drink all over the place.  Oh wait, now i get it.  They design them this way so that you have to end up spilling it and then have to order more of them.  They really ARE designed by a$$holes!  It all makes much more sense to me now.  Carry on everyone!

Fast Food FACTS The guy who wrote “Eat This, Not That!” which is a great read if you want to learn how to eat healthier when eating disgusting fast food also puts out a lot of great tips and/or facts about how we are destroying our bodies by eating the garbage that is known as fast food.  Case in point, he (David Zinczenko) brought up an award winning study that compared the bacterial content in the ice at fast food restaurants to that same restaurants toilet water and found out that 70% of the time the ice was dirtier then said toilet water. Also, in several cases the ice tested positive for E Coli, which if you weren’t $hitting yourself enough already just eating the food now you’re guaranteed to be like the Rock in the late 90’s and lay the smack down on your toilet for much of the foreseeable future.  So add diarrhea to the list of free prizes you get with your Happy Meal!

And that’s it for me today kids!  i hope you all have a great week, and enjoy these next few blogs because they’re gonna be my last for awhile.  But i’ll talk all about that next Tuesday on an all new blog!

Cya, @migueljose_85 on Twitter

And go “LIKE” my Here Comes the Money… Facebook page!

And check out VHSBREAKDOWN.COM! 


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