It’s supposed to be hard. If it wasn’t hard, everyone would do it. The hard… is what makes it great. – Jimmy Dugan "A League of Their Own"

3 Nov


What is up kids?

So after a miracle playoff run and one of the most fun times i’ve ever had watching baseball in my life it’s all come to an end as those dumb ass Kansas City Royals beat my Underdog New York Mets.  And i gotta tell you kids, it hurts… it HURTS! 

Now maybe not as much as it hurts the New York Rangers losing in the Stanley Cup finals last year, which if you happened to forget about YOU’RE WELCOME for the reminder…

But after what was an amazing playoff run and an even more disappointing conclusion the season is finally over, and now i’m left to cry my heartbreaking tears into my stale peanuts and soggy crackerjacks that had NONE prize until next season once again.  And yeah i should be happy we made it this far especially when our team hit ROCK BOTTOM right before the trade deadline in June and the thought of the playoffs let alone the World Series was nothing but an impossible dream.  And yeah i should be happy that all of our money pitchers are coming back again next year and we should have the same if not a better shot and getting back to the World Series again.  And yeah i should be happy that the Yankees organization is going in the opposite direction, especially after an EMBARRASSING exit from this years playoffs where they didn’t even bother scoring a run in their lone playoff game at home.

But the truth is i’m already over it, because i’ve got some other crazy and exciting news going on to keep my mind occupied.  Like how about the fact that i got engaged a couple of weeks ago!  That’s right kids, your not so humble and sexy narrator asked the love of his life to marry him in front of both of our families and she said yes!  And not only that, she wasn’t drunk when she did it NOR did she immediately regret it afterwards!  And there’s two things i’d like to say about our engagement, one being that i’ve legit never been happier with someone in my life, and after never thinking i’d find the right person to spend the rest of my life with (who could also stand being with me) i’m truly marrying my best friend and am insanely excited about our future together!   And the second thing i’d like to say is sorry other bitches!  This suave and slightly over weight motherf*cker is now officially off of the market!  So to all of you ladies that were hoping against hope for a chance with me…  LATER VAGINAS!  And to you gay men that were hoping i’d be your power bottom, LATER DICKS!


–  So now that i’m about to get hitched i’m starting to do cheesy couple stuff that i used to think i’d NEVER do like “couple” costumes for Halloween.  Which to me always seemed like some sort of painful punishment until i realized that if you’re with the right person and you actually come up with the money idea for a couple’s costume it’s actually not that bad.  No wait, it’s better then that, it’s actually pretty money!  Case in point, here are me and my fiancé as Wreck it Ralph and Vanellope and we do look fantastic if i do say so myself!

– Halloween’s over, but that doesn’t mean i can’t educate some of you dumb asses on what the hell TRUNK or Treat is.   No, not TRICK or treat you old basterd without a kid, I’m saying TRUNK or treat!  Which means instead of sending your helpless child out alone to stranger after strangers’ house in hopes of getting candy and not poison and/or rape you instead take them to a safe place like a park or a school parking lot and a bunch of cheesy parents open up and decorate the trunks of their car and hand out candy in a happy and child safe manner.

Which sounds all well and good except for the fact that Halloween isn’t supposed to be safe and kid friendly, it’s supposed to be about CANDY!  And i can get a LOT more candy going house to house with a pillow bag and filling that bag with a bunch of sweet and delicious gooey goodness.  And if there’s one thing i love in this life it’s filling my bag with a bunch of sweet and delicious gooey goodness!  My ball bag that is!  And oh yeah my candy bag too.

– If i got to choose a coast i got to choose the East, i live out there so don’t go there.  But that don’t mean a nigga can’t rest in the West, see some nice breasts in the West.  I’m going going, back back, to MIAMI?  Wait, that doesn’t make sense.  But what does make sense is naming the next entry into The BEST Album Covers of ALL TIME!  Because Biggie is the MONEY, but there is one man bad enough to take it back to the East coast and to not go to Cali when you know you’ve got that beef with Tupac and you know what maniacs they have out there and how could you make that trip after Tupac was killed when you knew they were gonna come after you oh Notorious one!

We may never know the answer to this, but we have the answer on who brought it back to the East coast as i present to you the ORIGINAL pimp,  Wayne Cochran and “Going Back to Miami!”

“OLD SCHOOL” NONSENSE – Why don’t we make it acceptable to give money as gifts?  Who doesn’t want money?  It’s the best and easiest gift to get for someone ever, and for some reason society has decided that it’s not “thoughtful” enough.  What’s this now?  Money isn’t gddamn thoughtful?  i’m pretty sure that money goes with everything, and if that is what you get me i won’t have to fake my happiness the way i did in my joke above.  i will be generally and most sincerely happy!

And i would honestly be touched to get such an amazing gift.  Unlike clothes, i know money will fit me and will never go out of style.  And unlike gift cards i won’t be forced to shop at only one place, with money as my gift i will be free to pick and choose whatever store i want!  Which is way better then trying to hang on to that gift receipt so i can go try and return your gift with a hundred other unhappy aholes that will be doing the same thing.  So for real, let’s do the right thing America.  Weed is legal in two states and gay marriage is becoming more acceptable as each day goes by.  Isn’t it time that we made it acceptable to give cash as gifts from now on?  It’s time for a change!  Or at least some change, i’ll take the money in quarters just give it to me!

Fast Food Tips –  So there’s no denying that fast food is TERRIBLE for you and eating it on any kind of regular basis will turn most if not all of your major organs into liquid $hit.  However, there is also no denying that sometimes you’re broke and hungry as f*ck, the kind of broke where you go and cash the change in your couch cushions in HOPES that you can scrounge up around 4 dollars.  Why only 4 beans?  Because Wendy’s has it’s new 4 for 4 deal which includes a JBC ( or a junior bacon cheeseburger to those of you not HIP to Wendy’s inside lingo), 4 piece nuggets, a small fries and a drink.  Which is a deal that can’t be beat!  So find that 4 dollars and go to Wendy’s and then get disappointed because you COMPLETELY forgot about the tax on top of that $4 and now you can’t afford to do this money deal.  Way to go jerky!

And that’s it for me today kids!  Who would have thought after years and years of nonsense and over 400 blogs worth of hang overs and throwing up and Kate Upton pictures and fast food tips and things you would never want to hear at a urinal that yours truly would ever get married?  i don’t know, but it took a special girl and my best friend for it to happen so stranger stranger, stranger things have happened i know.  Oh oh.  Oh oh.

Cya next Tuesday with an all new blog!

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One Response to “It’s supposed to be hard. If it wasn’t hard, everyone would do it. The hard… is what makes it great. – Jimmy Dugan "A League of Their Own"”

  1. Anonymous November 3, 2015 at 11:57 pm #

    Today is buy one sub and medium drink and get one sub free at subway.


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