You have guns because you like guns! That’s why you go to gun conventions; that’s why you read gun magazines! None of you give a $hit about home security. None of you go to home security conventions. None of you read Padlock Monthly. None of you have a Facebook picture of you behind a secure door. – Jim Jefferies

6 Oct

What is up kids?

i’ll tell you what’s up, it’s the number of mass shootings in this country that has gone up AGAIN since last we spoke.  And for real kids, what the f*ck is up with this country and mass murders?  Why do we have such crazy a$$holes that they’re not okay with just killing one person and/or themselves and instead have to shoot up schools and churches and malls and movie theaters?  And why does it happen every other gddamn day here in America when it doesn’t happen in any other developed nation like this?

And no, i’m not going to say the problem is specifically guns even though i’m sure i’ve said before how much i f*cking HATE guns.  i mean don’t get me wrong, i totally get how people especially men think they are super cool and fun and macho.  And i also get that if you wanna get all hung up on the second amendment that was written forever ago that technically we should be able to own them in some capacity.  But the truth is i don’t think we as a species are smart enough to own guns, and not only that it is WAY too easy for dumb and crazy people to get them.

And yes i know that there are PLENTY of responsible gun owners who aren’t the problem, and i get how any talk of gun control gets these people all worked up more then any other issue on the planet.  But the truth is we live in a country where Donald Trump is the leader in the polls of the Republican party, a racist ignorant pile of obnoxious $hit who treats women especially his half his age wife as objects and hates minorities and poor people.  And Trump is also tied in the polls with a scientist who doesn’t believe in evolution and who doesn’t think a Muslim should be able to be President, even though the same constitution he pretends to love SPECIFICALLY says there will never be a test for religion when running for President of this country.  You know, because we’re supposed to promise religious freedom in America.  Which by that rationale the same people fighting for the rights of guns should also be fighting for the rights of Muslims to build mosques in their town as well.  But for some reason they don’t seem to fight for those rights, i’m guessing because the rights of Muslims aren’t as cool as guns.

But the truth is i do believe that sane responsible people should be able to own guns.  i’m not naïve enough to think we can get rid of them all, and besides there are plenty of people that are smart enough and responsible enough to own guns.  But at the same time, when there are only two “real” political parties in this country and Trump can be the leader by a mile in the polls of one of them you’re gonna have a LOT of trouble convincing me that these same maniacs should also be allowed to own guns.  Because when half of us think an orange faced waste of sperm like Donald Trump would actually be a good idea to lead ALL of us, you’re not gonna get me on board with this gun idea.

Especially when you have another huge part of the country defending that religious hypocrite Kim Davis who 100% believes that her God doesn’t want to allow her to marry gay couples but has zero problems with her getting married 3 different times to 3 different men.  The same country that make this idiot religious fanatic any sort of role model does not make a great case that our citizens are smart enough to own guns.

And the WORST thing about any sort of conversation about guns is the way that anyone in favor of guns turns it into all or nothing debate no matter what you say.  Like maybe we should look at some new gun regulations? “DON’T TAKE OUR GUNS!” Well we’re not saying we’re going to take your guns but maybe people don’t need automatic machine guns “DON’T TAKE OUR GUNS!!” Well don’t you think we should do some background checks on people purchasing guns to try and “DON’T TAKE OUR GUNS!!”  Alright fine, no one is taking your guns but maybe we could talk about “DON’T TAKE OUR GUNS!!!”  Alright fine we won’t talk about anything at all and then there will be another school or movie theater shooting and nothing will change ever.  “Finally you’re making sense!  And oh yeah, DON’T TAKE OUR GUNS!!”

And yes the bigger problem now is that is seems so hopeless to try and get anything done in this area because this is how the conversation always goes and we’re too dumb to change it.  It’s always 2nd amendment, don’t take our guns, and then no more talking until the next horrific disaster happens and then don’t take our guns its the 2nd amendment.  It’s a horrific cycle that we’ll never seem to break and unfortunately i just don’t see it changing ever.  Plus if we couldn’t change any laws after 20 children were murdered in a school it’s hard to believe that anything will change the current rhetoric we have going today.  So enjoy all of your guns people who love them!  You cry and scream and yell about not having them taken away which is funny because no one is even trying and they couldn’t do it anyway.  But if any of you want to hop on another issue like getting big money out of politics, shrinking the wage gap between the top 1% and the rest of the world or helping out poor people or the middle class feel free to do so because those are causes that actually need people to fight for them and it seems like you are the crowd to do it!  Or don’t do it and just vote for Bernie Sanders and he’ll fight for you!


– Here it is, the FIRST LOOK at our upcoming season of VHS Breakdown!  Our brand new opening has all new footage, smashes, and it’s the first glimpse of what 80’s films we’ll be breaking down in an all new season that will be seen exclusively on!  Let me know what you all think!  Unless it’s negative, because then you can go F yourself right in the A.

– i LOVE fantasy football.  i think it’s super fun and competitive, and there’s only a view things in life as enjoyable as winning a championship in a league with your buddies after an entire season of nonstop trash talk mostly involving each other’s mothers and/or lack of manhood.

However, if there is one thing that’s going to make me HATE fantasy football it’s all of these Draft Kings and Fan Duel commercials for these one week fantasy leagues.  Have you all heard about this?  Because if you own a television and/or have eyes and ears i’m guessing you have because these ads are playing ALL THE F*CKING TIME!!!  And i almost wanted to do one of these leagues until i heard the same gddamn ad for the millionth time in a row and now i’m not going to do it out of spite!  Hell, i might just stop watching football all together if they don’t stop playing all of these annoying commercials!

No, that’s not true.  There is NOTHING that would ever make me stop watching football, and i shouldn’t have said anything that might get my girlfriend’s hopes up that i might stop watching one day.  And now i feel bad because she knows she just got her hopes up for no reason because i’ll NEVER stop watching football ever!  Although if there is one thing that will make her happy is just how hot i look with the trophy!

“OLD SCHOOL” NONSENSE – Does everyone know what a “smash” cake is?  And no i don’t mean “smoosh” cake which is what you call it when two greasy Italians in wife beaters double team Snookie.  And oh yeah if you’re having smoosh cake do NOT lick the frosting!

Anyways i’m not talking about that, i’m talking about a “smash” cake.  Because i had no idea what that was until i went to a one year old’s birthday party recently and i found out for myself.  What were you doing at a one year old’s birthday party you creepy ahole????  i’m going through a strange Milf phase right now, please leave me alone.  Anyways, apparently since it’s irresponsible parenting to let a one year old eat a slice of birthday cake, instead they make an entire smaller cake for the child called a “smash” cake that is just there for the little tyke to just mush up with their hands and get all over their face and everywhere so you can clean it up.  There is also another regular sized cake that the rest of the family gets to actually eat and enjoy i guess but the smash cake is simply for the kid.

Seems a little ridiculous to me, and just a waste of good cake to be honest.  But parents especially white parents are nuts so that’s what they do now.  Most of you probably knew this already, but i’m sure there are a bunch of you heterosexual men who don’t have kids who had ZERO clue what the F this was until i told you right now.   And when you get down to it that’s really the point of my blog, isn’t it?  To inform all of you with all of the useless nonsense i have rattling around in my dome?  Oh really?  Because i thought the point of this blog was to make us laugh!”  Oh yeah, and that too i guess.

Fast Food Tips –  They say once you go black you never go back, and after the friendly experiences i had with my second freshman year African American roommate i can’t say that i disagree.  And apparently Burger King  agrees with this as well, because they are  hoping that their all new “black bun” Whopper is just the treat to bring you back again and again!  “Black Buns” also being the nickname of that same roommate.  And yes he also had treats that brought me back again and again. 

If black buns don’t get your lips moist with anticipation BK also hopes that adding a touch of A-1 sauce into them will make them more tasty, and i’m guessing they think it makes it okay to bump up the price a ton as well.  All i know is black never cracks, unless you talk about eating one of these black A-1 whoppers because if you do the black will come out of your crack, hopefully while on the toilet bowl.

Fast Food Tips DOS – Speaking of Burger King, if you’re broke and going on a date it’s not always the classiest thing to do to take your girl through a BK drive thru.  But that is all about to change, as now the King has introduced it’s very own wine!  And what better way to keep it classy as to drink wine made from the grapes of people who eat greasy disgusting Burger King all day and then step on them with their unshowered feet!  It’s win win!  And by “win” i mean i’ll make sure to pour some wine out on your tombstone in honor of your horrific diarrhea filled death.

I ca

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