There goes my hero, watch him as he goes. There goes my hero, he’s ordinary. – Foo Fighters "My Hero"

4 Aug
THE BLOG WHERE i AM TOO FAST AND TOO FURIOUS!!!


What is up kids?

So if you’re wondering about the update to the car that i was looking to get last blog, and let’s be honest we all know that you’re NOT.  i’m fired up to say that i finally got my new whip! A 2015 Kia Optima that came in smokey blue!  And no it’s not “smokey” just because of certain “habits” that i have, that’s the actual color!

And as happy as i am to have a new car and be over this entire aggravating debacle, the reason i am so happy is because of the people who helped me get it.  One being my girlfriend, who was nice enough to lend me her car the two weeks i was without one.  Which considering she’s a teacher and she’s on vacation and had to be stuck at home on these scorching hot summer days that she has off basically makes her a SAINT and i can’t thank her or love her enough!

But i also have to thank my father, who came in and helped sign for my loan as well as threw down some duckets for the down payment.  And he did so not just because i’m not a real man i and can’t do these things on my own just yet.   He did so because if there is one perfect example of what a real man is that is on this planet it’s my father.  Who not only is a Marine who served his country, but he’s a man who worked a 9-5 job in the city for over 30 years, taking the bus to and from work from Jersey every single day while still finding time to raise 5 kids AND to go to all of our games and be our coach and make it to every concert and/or play that we had.  Which is f*cking CRAZY because if i go to the grocery store and/or do a load of laundry i feel like i had a full weekend and need to call out sick from work that following Monday

But despite the fact that i was an absolute NIGHTMARE as a teenager who was never appreciative of anything that my parents did for me they still loved me and did their best to raise me, even though if i’m being honest i didn’t deserve it.  i mean i guess i wasn’t the worst kid in the world, and for the most part i didn’t do anything too too terrible.  But not once while growing up did i realize all of the things that my parents did for me, and when i look back at the kind of child i was it definitely makes me feel bad that i was such an obnoxious condescending know it all piece of $hit.  And yeah, i know most of us are like that when we’re kids.  But that doesn’t make me feel any better about it, although it does make me appreciate how much they were there for me that much more.

And my father is definitely a stubborn man, he never cared about any of the movies or music that i was into.  Mostly because to him obviously nothing will ever top anything that came out in the 1950’s.  Although i can still remember being 8 years old and telling him that CC Deville from Poison was the GREATEST guitarist of all time, and that i didn’t care who that Eric Clapton guy was!

But despite our obvious age and taste differences he still loved and took care of me, and even now that i’m almost 67 years old myself he is still there for me every single day.  And not only that, he dropped everything to make sure i was taken care of and was able to get the vehicle that i wanted even though i probably don’t even deserve it.  And when i was younger i would have just taken that for granted and just expected him to do this kind of thing, but now that i’m almost kind of an adult i can truly see all that he’s done and continues to do for me.  And between his and my mom’s love as well as what i get from my girlfriend, i truly consider myself one of the luckiest guys on the planet.  As well as the moneyest!

And yeah i know my last two blogs have been sappy as hell, and i’m sure those of you who have come to expect nothing but immature toilet humor and/or jokes and pictures about Kate Upton’s bouncing boobs don’t even know what they’re reading anymore.  And i’m not saying i’m not gonna get back to my roots of immaturity eventually, it’s just that i am super appreciative of the love and support that i have all around me in my life and if that’s where i’m at right now then that’s what you kids are going to get to read about in my rants.  But don’t worry, i’ll be back to being an immature classless jerk off soon, i promise!


RANDOM NONSENSE


 – So i don’t normally get that hurt up when celebrities die, mostly because i don’t know them and it seems silly to be that attached to people you don’t know in real life.  i mean yeah it’s sad to hear and i always do truly feel bad when someone loses their life.  But for real, the passing of Roddy Piper really did me up last week, and i gotta say it sucks big fat balleens that he’s gone

And sure, maybe it’s because he’s one of the greatest wrestling bad guys of all time, and maybe the fact that he’s the only wrestler alive to say that he OWNS Hulk Hogan in their rivalry has something to do with it.  Or maybe it’s because he starred in one of my favorite episodes of VHS Breakdown, as well as quite possibly the greatest independent movie of all time “They Live” is what has me down.  Either way, it is in his honor that i’m posting this must watch episode of our show, and Hot Rod i hope you know that this planet will never be as interesting as it was with you on it

– Speaking of “Rowdy,” did you know that Ronda Rousey asked Piper if she could use the nickname “Rowdy” and Roddy was of course the money so he said yes and that’s why she’s called “Rowdy” Ronda Rousey?  Well you do now!  And speaking of Ronda, can she just start fighting dudes already?  Like for real, we get it.  You straight up own women and make them your bitches, you’re like Leo Dicaprio right after Titanic came out.  Do i really need to stay up and watch 17 fights till 2 a.m. in the morning just to see you smack these ladies down in less then 40 seconds?  It’s as boring to wait for and watch it as it is impressive for you to do it, so either get some real competition or just fight some guys for crying out loud

– If you work in an office and there’s an office fridge then i’m guessing you probably know about the guy who brings their food in a cooler and then puts THE ENTIRE THING in the fridge as well.  Which is great, because a fridge keeps food cold and a cooler keeps food cold and you’re the only person in the ENTIRE building that uses the fridge so everything works out perfectly, right?  Except for the fact that ALL of us use the same f*cking fridge, and none of us can put our lunches in there because your stupid f*cking cooler is taking up all of the gddamn room you unaware bag of douche.  So either keep your food in a cooler or the fridge but not both.  And for real, i can’t fathom how i actually have to have this conversation.  But it’s something that has happened at every single job i’ve been at so i’m guessing some of you have the same feeling.

A Great Name for a Punk Band!  “The Sass Mouths” 

That one is f’n great, can’t believe it took me so long to come up with it.

Fast Food Tips –  So i’ve finally been on a diet again lately and if i’m being honest this next fast food tip is the reason why.  And no, it’s not because of the 2 for $5 menu i hit up at Burger King the other day.  And yes part of the reason i went was because i forgot to take lunch to work, and another part of it is because for only $5 i got a BK King and original chicken sandwich and when you’re poor you just can’t beat that deal.  And yet another part of it is the fact that i’m big gigantic whale that will shove whatever disgusting fake fast food meat down my disgusting throat and into my hugemonogous pregnant man belly.

But this tip isn’t about any of that nonsense, it’s about the new item BK is selling which is their Doritos Loaded Cheese squares that some of you may remember 7/11 had awhile back.  They were these triangular-shaped snack bites with a warm, melted cheese filling and a crispy breading with Doritos Nacho Cheese flavoring, and apparently this terrible idea was one that needed to be brought back.  And when i saw it on the menu my first thought was “who in their right mind would order that let alone eat it?”  And then of course my next thoughts were “do i have enough to buy this too? i do? One loaded Doritos nonsense please!”  And i have to say for fake cheese it was pretty gddamn good, but what wasn’t fake was the pain and shame i felt in the bathroom afterwards.  But yeah i’m not here to judge you, if you want them then have at it hoss.

And that’s it for me today kids!  Don’t forget, an all new blog will be out next Tuesday but more importantly then that my birthday is coming up!  And i think i’m ready to turn 30 but the closer it gets the more nervous i am…

But yeah have a great week everyone, tell your friends about my blog for crying out loud and i’ll see you in a week!

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