Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone ― Pablo Picasso

14 Jul

What is up kids?

i’ll tell you what’s up, i finally have exciting news for once!  “Nice, that’s awesome!  Because we all know you never have any funny jokes for us on this blog, so at least this time maybe we’ll at least learn something!  But probably not!”

Shut up deek.  ANYWAYS… what i was trying to say before i was so rudely interrupted is that Rob and i have FINALLY started working on Season 3 of VHS Breakdown!  It’s actually going to happen bitches!  “Are you sure?  Because last time you told us it would be out in early 2015, and now it’s halfway through summer and still nothing.  Or let me guess, your next season is going to be reviewing movies from 2080 so we only have to wait 55 more years before the next season comes out!  And yes i know the math is wrong you rushing to correct me a-hole, that was the f*cking joke. 

Wow, you’re really beating me up today.  Although i guess i deserve it, because Lord knows the fans of our show have been clamoring for our new season BAD.  No joke, even if we didn’t want to do a new season we’d still have to do one anyway before one of our friends killed us.  Probably Mathusek from the incredibly awesome California based band, “The Mutineers” 

And trust me, i do wish we had already filmed this season and that it was out already.  i swear, it feels like FOREVER since i last smashed a tape, and hopefully i haven’t lost my touch in making this show.  

And if i’m being honest i guess the reason i haven’t started this sooner wasn’t just lack of time, which truth be told i don’t have a lot of these days.  Definitely not as much as i did when i was an unemployed ahole the first two seasons we did this show. And i know a lot of people are waiting for this new season and i know the pressure is on to make this our biggest and best season yet.  But instead of that stopping me from rising to the challenge i have finally realized that pressure is a privilege, and the fact that we have awesome fans who love our show is something to be proud of.  And i promise you all that this next season will be our greatest one yet, and it will be straight up the MONEY!

But the fact that we FINALLY started filming this past weekend is not the big news that i had for all of you. The big news that i can’t wait to tell you all is… something that will be told to you this Thursday at 4:20 on our VHS Breakdown Facebook page!  Because i’m not ready to tell you all just yet, and because you should all go “like” our page and tell me what movies you want to see for Season 3 before we decide on them all!  So yeah you can go to my page and find out our big news this Thursday at 4:20, or you can just wait for my blog next Tuesday and i’ll tell you here next week.  My advice to you would be to just go and like our freaking page already, but if you want to procrastinate and put it off and just wait for next weeks blog i can’t say i blame you…


– If there’s one thing that’s REALLY been bothering me about starting Season 3 is how could we ever top our EPIC Season Dos premier that we did with “The Karate Kid Part II?” i mean honestly, how does it get better then that?  And NO we’re not opening the season with “The Karate Kid Part III!”   That’s way too obvious and we’re better then that!

But the truth is we DID think of something even better.  And we’re gonna need YOUR help!  But i’ll tell you more about that next month when we’re ready…

Yo for real, what the hell is up with all of your teasers today?  Stop getting our hopes up for stuff that will NEVER pay off!”  i don’t know, maybe you’re right and these surprises won’t pay off.  Or, maybe you’re wrong.  i guess we’ll see…

– So i do enjoy the summer, but i am also definitely that annoying ahole who complains NONSTOP about how hot it is.  i’m guessing it’s because i’m an obese monster who sweats like a whore in church whenever the temperature is over 75 degrees.  But i’m also not one of those jerks who complain how cold it is all winter and then complains i’m hot all summer.  i never complain during the winter, i enjoy the winter.  i enjoy when the entire planet feels like it’s air conditioned.  That’s the real reason i’m against global warming, f*ck mother nature i’m sick of sweating so much!  Thank God for air conditioning which is still one of the top 3 greatest inventions of all time.  What are the other 2? You can find out next blog!  

Just kidding, you don’t have to wait until next blog to find out the other 2 best inventions.  It’s blow jobs and the A.M. Crunchwrap sausage and hash brown breakfast burrito from Taco Bell.  That’s my holy trinity!

“Facebook Etiquette”-

“OLD SCHOOL” NONSENSE – Someone needs to design a “healthy” hangover food already.  Like a quinoa tofu salad made from bacon and fast food meat dunked in grease and fat.  And yes i get if you made it like that and dunked it in that stuff it wouldn’t be healthy anymore, that’s why i said someone else has to design it!  Because i can handle eating healthier, what i can’t handle is not drinking half a bottle of Fireball Whiskey and playing 3 best of 7 games of beer pong 4 times a week and dealing with the hangover i get afterwards.  And trust me, that may be a lot of calories but i make up for it by not eating food and the exercise i get while playing beer pong.

But my life would be a million times better if when i woke up puking and filled with anxiety and shame that i could also have a greasy disgusting breakfast sandwich to make me feel better that was also healthy. Can someone get on that please?  Thanks!!

Fast Food Tips – So i wish i knew nothing about this next fast food tip, i really do.  And the thing is i could lie and pretend i never had it or that i never even heard of it, but i wouldn’t do that to you my faithful readers.  i didn’t lie when i told you on this blog about the fact that i pee in the shower, nor did i lie when i told you i’m deathly afraid of heights and that “i want it that way” by the Backstreet Boys is one of my favorite songs of all time.  And i also didn’t lie when i told you that i pee sitting down.  NO!  That last one WAS a lie, i swear!

But while i’m on the subject of life’s greatest inventions Taco Bell has just introduced their Cap’n Crunch delights which are described as a donut-like hybrid which is a sphere of fried dough, filled with warm milky icing and topped with Cap’n Crunch’s Crunch Berries.  Which is funny because i just filled the front of my pants with a warm milky icing right by my own personal crunch berries just hearing about how good these are, as i did when i ate them the other day.  And yes, eating this nonsense is another reason i’m so fat and hate this summer heat so much.  i should probably just kill myself at this point but at least if i do i got to try these first!

And that’s it for me today kids!  Go “Like” my VHS Breakdown Facebook page now so you can find out the big news this Thursday at 4:20, and while you’re at it share my blog with everyone you know because i need all of the love and attention that i can get.  And do it now because once Season 3 does comes out and i become a huge famous Internet star i’m going to forget about all of you.  Unless you go like my page now!  Or not, and i’ll see you here next week!

Cya, @migueljose_85 on Twitter

And go “LIKE” my Here Comes the Money… Facebook page!


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