I’m gonna rise up, i’m gonna kick a little ass. Gonna kick some ass in the USA. Gonna climb a mountain, gonna sew a flag, gonna fly on a eagle. I’m gonna kick some butt, I’m gonna drive a big truck, I’m gonna rule this world, Gonna kick some ass, Gonna rise up, Kick a little ass, ROCK, FLAG AND EAGLE! – Charlie Kelly "It’s Always Sunny in Philladelphia"

7 Jul

THE BLOG WHERE i’M GONNA RISE UP, i’M GONNA KICK A LITTLE ASS, GONNA KICK SOME ASS IN THE USA!

What is up kids?

So did everybody have a fantastic holiday weekend?  Because i for sure as hell did!  And i’ll be honest, i had a HARD time going back to work after my amazing vacation in Cape Cod for the July 4th weekend.  It felt almost impossible to leave a place with nothing but great times with my family and my girl, and the beach and drinking and the GREATEST seafood of all time, and bike riding and sunsets and dance parties on the beach and almost winning at Apples to Apples and hanging with my Godson and Jeebus tap dancing Christballs why did i ever leave there?!?!

And i know what you’re going to say, “Stop complaining about coming back from a fantastic vacation!  Don’t you remember your own bit that you wrote about this very same subject on this your very own blog?!?  Probably not, because you did so back in April of 2011!!”

      – Hey people who complain when they come back to work after a vacation… go F yourself.  “Boo hoo i just spent a week on a beach and now i have to go back to work so feel sorry for me!”  C’mon dicks, i have to go to work too. The only difference is that i didn’t get to relax and drink margaritas by the ocean for 7 days straight, i was here every gddamn day working.  So for some reason you’ll have to forgive me for having trouble feeling bad for you.  Why don’t you focus on the positive fun times you had instead, you negative no appreciating tan ahole?

Wow, way to not listen to your own advice jerkweed.  Why the hell do you even write a blog if even you don’t believe any of the garbage that spews from your mouth?”  Yeah yeah, i’m blowing it.  Instead of focusing on how rough it is to be back i should be appreciative of the amazing time that i had instead.  Most of you weren’t lucky to have the vacation that i had, hell some of you unlucky basterds actually had to work on the 4th!  So not only am i being a jerk about complaining as i come back from the best vacation ever, i’m also being un-American!  And that’s the last thing i want to do on America’s birthday!

So while it was tough to go back to work and get back to reality i am glad that i had such a wonderful time and i am glad i live in Murica which is the greatest country in the world.  So even if you didn’t have as fantastic a weekend as i did i hope you still had fun, i hope you love our country, and i hope you’re gonna kick some ass in the USA!


RANDOM NONSENSE

– So it would be a straight up CRIME if i didn’t tell you all about the best meal on the planet that i just ate, so if you’re ever in the Cape Cod area you need to go to The Skipper Restaurant and Chowder house and get their clam chowder which is the BEST i’ve ever had.  But almost more importantly you need to also get their “Wicked Awesome” lobster roll which is half a pound of fresh lobster served hot with butter on a grilled brioche roll.      

                           
And yes the wicked lobster roll is around $25, and yes we went back twice to get one the next day which means we spent $50 on lobster rolls in two days.  And YES we thought about going back to get it again before we left!  But it’s easily the best lobster i’ve eaten in my life, and if my girlfriend ever leaves me i know it’s because she found a way to date that lobster roll and make it her husband.  Either that or because i’m an emotionless bag of douche who never talks or expresses his feelings.  That or the lobster roll.

“OLD SCHOOL” NONSENSE – So like i said a million times already i was in Cape Cod Mass this weekend so speaking of Massholes does everyone know you can’t order a “Long Island Iced Tea” in Massachusetts?  No, not just because they hate the Yankees so much that Boston would probably be gay and do something like that.  It’s because there is too much liquor in a LIT and apparently people from Mass can’t handle that much booze in their vaginas.  And not only that, they are also not allowed to have “Happy Hours” at bars either.

Well not happy hours for alcohol anyway, they are allowed to have discounted food prices for happy hour.  But they aren’t allowed to sell discounted liquor of any kind, so they can never have any happy hour deals in that state.  “Whoo hoo go Saux!  Your accent and your alcohol policies are wicked gay, and you’ll never be as cool or as tough as New York, especially because your bars close at 1 am and in New York they are open all night baby!  Oh and our Giants QB owns your Patriots QB, just sayin…

“OLD SCHOOL” NONSENSE – Speaking of ancient bits, here’s one on the military that cracked myself up.  But yeah i don’t get why people would be against gays in the military.  Who are the people against this, people who hate gays?  
Well that doesn’t make any sense, because if i did hate gays why would i be against the country taking a whole bunch of them and sending them thousands of miles away to other countries to get killed?  Isn’t that the outcome i would be rooting for?  i’ll tell you right now i’m totally against this bull$hit war in Iraq, but if the President came out today and was like, “We are going to continue our operations in Iraq, and we have just ordered a new surge of troops to the area.  And these troops will consist of Big Oil executives, rapists and Nascar fans!” i’d be like I support the War! USA USA!!
A Great Name for a Punk Band!  “The Jigsaw Jazz and the Get Fresh Flow” 
Fast Food Tips – i have no idea what part of the chicken is the “McNugget” nor do i know who is the first person to ever say that joke because it’s been around since the early 80’s and there’s no way i’d pretend that i was the one who made that joke up.  
That being said i don’t know what’s in Burger King’s nuggets either, but i do know they are back on sale for a $1.49 for 10 of them.  And even if they are made out of straight dog meat which is probably not far off hey what are ya gonna do, they are 10 for $1.49.  So get a bunch, make sure you ask for EXACTLY how many of each sauce that you want when ordering and enjoy a cheap kinda yummy meal that will send you to an early grave.  But hey, at least you saved a couple of duckets! 
And that’s it for me today kids!  i hope you enjoyed the free ha ha’s, Lorde knows that i’m still in vacation mode and it was hard to write, ya ya ya. 
But have a great week, get over the fact that another holiday is gone already and start enjoying the summer because it’s already freaking July!
Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: