School is out and it’s a sort of a buzz, a back then I didn’t really know what it was. But now I see what have of this the way that people respond to summer madness. The weather is hot and girls are dressing less and checking out the fellas to tell ’em who’s best. – Will Smith "Summertime"

23 Jun

What is up kids?
i’ll tell you what’s up, it’s finally SUMMERTIME!!!  It’s time for no school, no kids, no more coats or jackets and nothing but the beach and sunshine!  And also a ridiculous amount of humidity and complaining by yours truly, mostly because i’m obese and this steamy hot weather is going to kill me.  But i’m not at that point just yet, right now i’m just happy Summer is here and i’m ready to party!

Although there is one thing i need to talk about first, and it’s something i really don’t want to bring up.  Because i’m trying to not be bothered by this Donald Trump Presidential “run.” For real, i’m trying not to let it get to me.  Because i realize it’s just a bull$hit publicity stunt and it has all of the honesty and integrity of a leaked Kardashian sex tape. 

But for some reason this awfulness is getting to me, mostly because i have to see him talked about on actual news stations.  Well not actual news, i just mean cable news. But even the Daily Show which i respect has to talk about him, although at least they mock him and bash him mercilessly the way he deserves to be mocked. 

But honestly, Donald Trump is a big steaming piece of $hit and he’s a turd of a human being with a terrible soul.  Not to mention an egotistical bag of douche and an extremely RACIST one to boot.  He’s really the lowest form of human on the planet, and while i don’t wish him dead i wouldn’t mind if he had explosive diarrhea for the rest of his life because it actually would be fitting if the $hit that came out of his mouth all of the time also came out of his buttcheeks.  

And the worst part is now i hate myself for even bringing him up, because all i’m doing is falling into the same trap all of the media is doing by bringing up his stupid name.  And the thing is, that’s all he wants.  He wants people talking about him nonstop and keeping his dumb old ass relevant when he’s clearly not.  He’s a LONG way away from when the name Trump meant anything, i mean just look at his casinos in Atlantic City!  Speaking of which, how do you lose money at casinos?  You run a business where people literally can’t wait to give you all of their money for nothing.  You’d have to be a real racist ignorant piece of garbage to lose money in that business.

But that’s the thing, he makes money for HIMSELF.  The companies he runs always go bankrupt and/or lose money but he always seems to be on the right financial end of it when it’s over.  So yeah he’s super smart at making money for himself, but as far as helping other people he’s one dumb mother fucker.  Want proof?  Just look up Trump Casinos, Trump Shuttle, Trump Magazine,, Trump Steaks, and Trump Vodka.  And oh yeah, soon you can look up Trump Presidential run as well…

But besides all of this, this motherf*cker is racist as f*ck!!!  Asking to see Obama’s birth certificate? Straight up racism you f*ck.  Saying that all the Mexicans that come over to this country are rapists?? That’s RIDICULOUSLY racist you f*ck, and not even close to being true!  Although to be fair he didn’t say all Mexicans, he said he just meant most.  i got to be fair i guess.

But whatever, i already spent way too much time talking about this joke of a human being let alone “candidate” so that’s all i gots to say about this creepy orange faced racist bag of douche today, and hopefully for the rest of the year.  So i hope you’re ready for some fantastic summer filled ha ha’s cause here they come!  Hear me now, aight?  Wicked


– So i’m starting to get grey hairs, and i’m not really digging it at f*cking all.  i’ve been getting a few in my goatee and now a few are popping up on the sides of my head and i’m not a f*cking fan because i’m not ready for that $hit yet.  And i’m not sure if you’re supposed to pluck them or not, in fact i’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to.  But i don’t give a f*ck, i keep plucking them $hits and if 10 more pop up in their place i’ll pluck those motherf*ckers too. 

If i’m lucky about anything it’s that i haven’t found any gray pubic hair yet.  Haha, just kidding!  i’m balder down there that a young Brazilian girl who just got her first wax.  Notice i didnt’ say Brazilian wax because in Brazil they just called them a “wax.”  Anyways the real thing i’m lucky about is that i’m also a balding f*ck too, but i’m not ready to talk about that either… 

–  Do you want to know why breakfast is truly the greatest meal?  It’s because you’re allowed to order bacon as it’s own dish. You can’t get away with that at lunch.  You can order bacon ON things, but you can’t order two slices of pizza with an additional side of bacon.  Or a salad with a side of bacon.  Or an Italian hero with a side of bacon.  Nor can you do it at dinner, you can’t get penne with vodka with a side of bacon, people will look at you like a weirdo!

But for breakfast it’s totally acceptable to order bacon on it’s own, whether it be with pancakes or eggs or french toast.  Not only is it okay, but it’s shown on the menu as a side for breakfast!  So besides all the delicious carby nonsense that you can eat for breakfast you’re allowed to just eat bacon.  And if there’s anything more American then that then i don’t know what it is!

– So normally i try to write a funny joke or at least show some of my wit before i post one of these The BEST Album Covers of ALL TIME! bits.  i feel it’s too easy to just put up a cover and reap the laugh of a joke that really wasn’t mine, so i attempt to set up some sort of joke with the album cover being the punchline.

But there’s no set up for this, no jokes that i can tell to make this  bit any funnier today.  So instead just enjoy Gert Jonnys because i can tell you as i’m laughing now that i sure did!

Fast Food Tips- So Americans like to think they are pioneers and the best at everything but i just found out about a fast food item from the UK that is so amazing that the United States should be ashamed of themselves for not creating it first.  i mean i’ve always been a HUGE fan of stuffed crust pizza.  Because honestly, there is only one part of the entire pie that does not have cheese and it was about time that we fixed that.  But the UK took it a step further and invented the Pizza Hut “Hot Dog” Stuffed pizza!  booooooooooWHIP!  My penis just went from 6 to 12 when i heard that!

 Pizza Hut describes it as having a “succulent hot dog sausage bursting from our famous stuffed crust with a FREE mustard drizzle. ” Which is funny because when i heard of this new pizza there was a free drizzle pouring down my leg from my succulent hot dog sausage.  But yeah i probably shouldn’t be grossing you out when you should be focusing on how fantastic this invention is.  “Grossing me out?  That turned me on!”  Um, you have problems my friend. But thinking this hot dog crust pizza is the best thing ever is not one of them!  And lucky for you, this hot dog pizza has now made it to the United States!  Just in time for summer! U S and A!  U S and A!

And that’s it for me today kids!  i’m guessing if you’re a fan of Donald Trump you probably won’t read my blog anymore.  But if you’re a fan of Donald Trump i’m guessing you can’t read anyway so it’s really a win win situation!

But i hope you kids have a great week, enjoy the summer because it’s going to be over before you know it and i’ll see you kids back here next Tuesday for an all new blog! Tell your friends!

Cya, @migueljose_85 on Twitter

And go “LIKE” my Here Comes the Money… Facebook Page!


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