During high school, I played junior hockey and still hold two league records: most time spent in the penalty box and I was the only guy to ever take off his skate and try to stab somebody. – Adam Sandler "Happy Gilmore"

19 May
THE BLOG WHERE i GET FIVE FOR FIGHTING

OR…

THE BLOG WHERE i PUT IT IN YOUR FIVE HOLE

What is up kids?

Sorry, i couldn’t decide what title to use so i went with both.  But anyways, is everyone paying attention to these exciting Hockey playoffs?  i mean the weather is warm and sunny outside which of course means most people in America IMMEDIATELY turn their focus to ice hockey!  

And while in the past i used to write about my slight distaste for the New York Rangers, if you read my last blog then you now know that i’m now their biggest “fan” and i “really” hope they beat the Tampa Bay Lightening and go on to “win” the Stanley Cup!  Then all those Ranger haters couldn’t talk anymore about how they’ve only won one since 1940!

But there is only one hockey player that i would like to talk about today, and it’s one that some blog faithfuls might remember that i wrote about before.  And it’s not a player from my “favorite” team.  It’s Alexander Ovechkin, a player on the Washington Capitals which is a team that has now lost to the New York Rangers in the playoffs 3 years in a row.  And not only 3 years in a row, 3 game SEVENS in a row.  And not only did he lose his third game 7 in a row this year, he did it after GUARANTEEING a victory in game 7 which they ended up losing.  AGAIN!

i bring this up today because last year when Ovechkin lost i wrote a somewhat scathing Random Nonsense bit for him and i think it’s only proper that i bring it up here again.  So please, read this review of supposedly one of the “best” players in hockey.  But while you read it just remember that everything i said only gets compounded by the fact that he loses again the very next year after guaranteeing they wouldn’t, and after his team being up 3-1 in the series.  Enjoy!


– Could you imagine being a hockey team and losing a game 7 to the awful New York Rangers?  You could?  Well could you imagine being that same hockey team and then losing another game 7 the very next year to the Rangers, at home, in a 5 – 0 blow out?  Yeah me neither.  But apparently that’s what the Washington Capitals did, and that’s what a team with zero heart does.  Alexander Ovechkin is an overrated player who will never win the cup, and he goes to show just how soft the Russian hockey player is these days.

And while Ovechkin did have a decent point when commenting about how bull$hit it was that the refs REFUSED to call any power plays for the Caps all series, especially the zero they called in game 6 at MSG when the Rangers were awarded 5 Power plays.  To lose two game sevens in a row to the same team is unforgivable, especially when that team is the Rangers.  So to that hack Ovechkin and the Washington Capitals…

LATER DICKS!

Oh, and speaking of Later Dicks…
LATER DICK!
RANDOM NONSENSE



– It’s not shocking to say that there is an extreme amount of tension between black people and the police these days.  The question on whether this is due to a cycle of oppression that is felt in the inner cities, or due to a few bad apples in an otherwise honorable police force is a subject that can be argued for decades and an issue that may never truly be solved.

But there is one thing that we can all agree on, and it’s a message that is best explained in this weeks nominee for 
The BEST Album Covers of ALL TIME! And that message is that if the police are coming for you there is only one thing you should do, and that’s “Shut and Dance, and Dance Before the Police come! “

A Great Name for a Punk Band! “The Pish Poshes”

“OLD SCHOOL” NONSENSE – You  know who must want to legalize drugs more then anyone?  Credit card companies.  Holy $hitballs could you imagine how much you would ring up if you could put drugs on your card?  Forget my mortgage or my Sallie Mae loans, i would owe on my credit card bill LONG after i died.  My great grand kids would be paying for that ounce i bought when i was trying to impress those baby girls who just graduated and live in the house next to me.  Or that pound of sticky icky i bought that time we watched the entire 4th season of “Breaking Bad” in one sitting.  So yeah while i am on the side of legalizing most drugs, please do not let me be able to purchase it on my credit card unless you want me to declare bankruptcy.

Fast Food Tips – Do you enjoy the sweet aroma of a Yankee Candle?  Are you an extremely unhealthy and fat f*ck who wants to be surrounded by the delicious smell of fried chicken, cheese and bacon at all times?  Well urine luck!  Because KFC has released their KFC Double Down Candle, the perfect mood setter when hitting on obese members of the opposite sex.  Who needs lube when you can slather your private parts with KFC grease and the delicious scent of America’s most obnoxiously fat sandwich?  i don’t know, but if you love eating KFC Double Downs i’ll be sure to light these candles when we all attend your early funeral!

And that’s it for me today kids!  Don’t forget that i’m only posting new blogs on Tuesday’s going forward, and if you have trouble remembering that just think of me and how you’ll see me next Tuesday!  Or is it see you next Tuesday?  No, i remember.  It’s if you seek Amy!  

Either way, i’ll see you next Tuesday with an all new blog!  Don’t forget to tell your friends!  

Cya, @migueljose_85 on Twitter

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