There’s heroes and there’s legends. Heroes get remembered, but legends never die. Follow your heart kid, and you’ll never go wrong. – Babe Ruth "The Sandlot"

12 May
THE BLOG WHERE i PLAY WITH mY SOFT BALLS

What is up kids?

i’ll tell you what’s up, it’s a beautiful Spring day and it’s a wonderful day to go out and play softball!  And not just any softball, i’m talking men and women’s co-ed high arc slow pitch 21-35 year old weeknights only softball!  i mean really, is there any other way to play?

And i don’t know how many of you are playing or have played softball in a league like this before, whether it be with your friends or co-workers or whatever.  All i’m saying is that i played in one of those leagues for 8 years and it’s 8 years of my life that i wish i could get back.  Not that it wasn’t fun ever, because we did win championships in 3 of those years which was pretty money.

Ok fine that’s a picture of me with my fantasy football championship and not our softball one.  But in my defense that means WAY more to me!  But anyways, people always join a softball league thinking it will be “fun” and a great time with co-workers and friends!  But what follows is nothing but arguments, people missing games at the last minute, nonstop fights over the lineup, and a level of competitiveness that hasn’t been seen since The Hunger Games. A movie that i really enjoyed the first time i saw it, when it was called “Battle Royale”

For real, these co ed softball leagues are straight up CUT THROAT.  No one is playing just to have fun, and if they are everyone else on either team probably hates them.  Because the only way to have fun is to win!  If you want to have fun and not win just don’t play because it ain’t happening.  Like Ricky Bobby said in “Talladega Nights,” i like the Christmas baby Jesus.  And oh yeah, if you ain’t first, you’re last! 

And besides all of that, even if you do end up on a winning team with a bunch of cool people who actually get along and no one fights over the lineup or anything and everyone shows up to every game on time, you STILL have to deal with all of the RAIN OUTS.  And not the fun rain outs where 

you’re like, “hey the game was rained out, let’s go out to a bar and have drinks instead!”  i’m talking about those rain outs where it’s only kinda raining hard, but it’s also on and off so they don’t want to call the game off too soon.  So everyone has to drive far out to the field after getting out of 

work, and then get dressed in their uniform and just sit there and wait around to see if you’ll actually end up playing.  And then only after it’s 10 minutes past the game’s start time do they decide to not play, and now instead of going right home after work and relaxing or to a happy hour to get drinks you wasted most of your time standing in puddles of rain and dirt in your stupid stirrups.  

But yeah, my point to all of this is that there is more good then bad when it comes to softball.  Because at best you’ll have an okay time, and at worst you’ll ruin your entire spring and summer.  So have fun those of you who are playing softball this Spring!  Just remember that everyone joins the league thinking it’s going to be all about fun and boozing and time with friends, but when it turns 

into nothing but fighting and losing and standing in the rain don’t blame me, i tried to warn you!

RANDOM NONSENSE

– So i just want to say “good luck” to the New York Rangers, who will try to complete an AMAZING comeback against the Washington Capitals!  i know i’ve done some gentle ribbing to this fine organization over the years, but the truth is they have a lot of heart and i truly think they are going to win tomorrow night and advance to the next round of the playoffs.

And if any of you think i’m just writing this because when i make fun of the Rangers they seem to always win the next game i just have to say HOW DARE YOU!!  The Rangers are a quality team despite only winning one cup since 1940, and to suggest that i’m just trying to jinx them by rooting for them and saying they DEFINITELY will win on Wednesday night is just wrong and i quite frankly find it offensive.  So Let’s go Rangers, do it for Rob and Albin and any other “friends” of mine who love the Rangers.  i REALLY and TRULY hope they win Wednesday night! 

A Great Name for a Punk Band!  “The Spring Chickens” 

– If you don’t remember my story about blacking out and doing the electric slide then you probably don’t remember that my annual camping trip is coming up soon!  You know, the trip that my friends and i take together without the wives as we all sleep under the same roof as we get drunk and admit secrets about each other that nobody else knows about especially the gay ones.  No i don’t mean gay as in homosexual, i mean gay as in penises flying at our face!

And it is with that gay ol time in mind that i’d like to show you the next nominee for The BEST Album Covers of ALL TIME! and it’s one that reminds me more of camping every time i see it.  The friendship, the male bonding, the smiles, the nudity.  This cover has it all, and as far as i know this is an actual picture of one of our camping trips.  So enjoy this cover art masterpiece with Orleans and “Waking and Dreaming!”

Fast Food Tips – If you love Shake Shack (and if you have working tastes buds and a healthy pair of testicles and/or ovaries there’s no reason that you shouldn’t) you should be aware that they have a “secret” menu where you can order some wackily delicious things like the Shake Shack Peanut Butter and bacon burger!  A burger that’s not on the official menu, but if you order it they will gladly spread some creamy peanut butter on the top of your delicious buns, at the same time you eagerly spread a thin layer of happiness on the crotchal region of your pants.  i haven’t ordered one yet so i’m not positive this is a real thing, but i read about this on the interwebs and when has that ever been wrong?’

And that’s it for me today kids!  Don’t forget i’m finito with Friday blogs from now on so don’t look for a new on on Friday!  It’s gonna be Tuesday’s from now on or at least until i get too busy for these and then i’ll be done completely.  But i can’t see that happening for awhile so love and get used to the free laughs on Tuesday’s only and i’ll cya back here next week!



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