Cause growing up is awfuler, then all the awful things that ever were. i’ll never grow up, never grow up, never grow up. No sir. Not i. Not me – Peter Pan "i won’t grow up"

13 Mar

What is up kids?

Well i’ll tell you what’s not up lately, and that’s the spirits of your oh so not humble narrator.  Which definitely sucks today, because for one it’s a Friday and it’s time to start the gddamn weekend!  But more importantly this is a comedy blog, and no one wants to see me cry or hear me whine about how much my pu$$y hurts.  Even though i got some sand deep inside there and it burns, it BURNS!
But for real, i’ve been pretty down lately and unfortunately it’s because i’ve realized that there is a lot i’m not happy about with myself at the current moment.  And by current moment i just mean the last 30 years or so, and by not happy with myself i mean it’s getting pretty old that i’m still just a big immature kid who refuses to grow up.  i mean that $hit wasn’t cute back when i was doing it in my 20’s, now that i’m almost 65 it’s just straight up pathetic.  And what am i really fighting against?  Being more mature?  Settling down with the girl i love and raising a family?  Making enough money to take care of not just myself but the people i love?  Or how about just making any sort of plan for the future in general?  Although speaking of the future if you haven’t seen part 2 of my “Back to the Future” review on YouTube you should watch it now!
All distractions aside, if i’m being honest i don’t even get where any of this confusion is coming from anymore.  i mean know i need to make more money, and i know i love my girl and want to make her my wife and raise a little miguel jose Jr who is as obnoxious and sarcastic as i am.  And when i tell him to go to bed he goes “LATER DICKS!” and when he sees Kate Upton on the television he’ll go “Baby Boo WHIP!” 
And i know that i want all of this and that i am finally ready for all of that stuff, i just feel like the thing inside me that used to be so against growing up is not understanding it’s time to turn that off now and finally be a man.  And i mean don’t get me wrong, it’s been a FUN ride being an immature unemployed hungover deucing and puking bag of douche who has no real responsibilities for the last 4 decades.  But that $hit is played out, and i guess what i’m saying is that i’m finally admitting to myself that i’m ready for more.  And i’ve actually felt that way for awhile now, but i haven’t admitted it on this blog yet so i guess that’s what i’m doing now.

Although not for nothing, this is all just talk right now.  If i’m learning anything in my extremely old age it’s that thoughts and words and intentions mean nothing, it’s only what you do that matters.  In fact, it was the late Rachel Dawson who said it best: “It’s not what you are underneath, but what you do that defines you.”  So maybe i’ll listen to that fantastic advice from Batman’s ex-girlfriend and finally start to show everyone the man that i can be!  Or i maybe i’ll just listen to the Joker and stay an immature ahole, who knows?


– So if you’ve noticed i haven’t brought up the Hillary Clinton email “scandal” at all and i’ll tell you now that i’m not going to.  Mostly because at the same time the media is all up in arms over this nothing story, Republicans in the Senate sent a letter to Iran undermining our President and are basically traitors in my eyes.  If you don’t know the story President Obama is currently trying to set up some sort of Nuclear deal with Iran to get them to stop making nukes.  And i say “trying” because they haven’t come up with an agreement yet, they are only talking about a deal.

But that hasn’t stopped these 47 f*cking a$$hole Republican Senators from sending a letter to the heads in Iran saying that even if the President does make a deal with them that Congress would never approve it and that once President Obama isn’t President anymore that the new President would just nullify any deal made anyway.  So basically these treasonous lowlife scumbags signed a letter to Iran pledging that they would undermine our President and made our country look like a bunch of unorganized hateful racist idiots who would do ANYTHING to go against our black President.  And their message was received loud and clear, because even the heads in Iran said that this was a completely bull$hit political move and it’s an absolute joke that these f*ckers would protest a deal that hasn’t even been made yet and to do so while undermining their own President!  
But somehow, no one wants to talk about any of this.  Instead, everyone wants to talk about Hillary Clinton’s emails when she was Secretary of State because people are stupid and Republicans hate women and ESPECIALLY Hillary so that’s all that they want to and will talk about.  And it’s times like these that i really hate Democrats, because they are such weak a$$ pu$$ies that they can’t even control the news cycle when our own Senators are committing TREASON.  Although i shouldn’t be surprised, these were the same heartless a$$holes who let our former President start illegal wars based on lies and even more bull$hit.  How anyone can consider themselves a part of either party will always amaze me, although the biggest difference is that Democrats are just heartless pu$$ies.  Republicans hate minorities, women, the poor, our soldiers, and the health of our planet, and ALL of the laws they try to pass never show otherwise.  So i guess if you had to choose a side you could be a Democrat, but for real both these parties are terrible.  But Repubs are worse.
A Great Name for a Punk Band! “The Bad Eggs”

This next bit is about words, and they are 4 words that touched my heart.  They are also the same words my friend Johnny Lats says about the hot school boy who lives across the street from him every day. And it’s with these POWERFUL 4 words that i’d like to tell you about the next entry as The BEST Album Covers of ALL TIME! and for once i don’t have to explain how amazing this album is, you can just take a look for yourself.  But for once you should look AND touch, as today i bring to you Sandusky’s personal favorite album, The Allister Quartet and “Let Me Touch Him”
Fast Food Tips- Now since i don’t want to end on a totally disgusting note today here is some delicious news that will leave a totally disgusting note from your end, and a green one at that!  Because in honor of all those stubborn, thick skulled alcoholic Irish, for a limited time only Shamrock Shakes are available at McDonald’s. These minty flavored delights are delicious and are only around when it’s St. Patty’s day so don’t delay and make sure you get one while you can!
And let me throw you one more nugget of wisdom at you for today, and i mean that literally.  Because the next time you get super bombed, and then you order McDonald’s late night and pass out in your own disgustingness, and then you wake up the next morning and take your “day after drinking all night” deuce,  if you look into the toilet and your deposit happens to be colored Green, do not panic! Because i know you see green poop and you want to call the hospital right away.  But don’t forget you had that Shamrock Shake last night and that is the real reason your crap is green.  Probably.
And i know a lot of you think this is disgusting.  But this tip would have helped me out a LOT the other morning when i was calling an ambulance to come get me because i was “ill” and that green blood was coming out of my anus.   So if i help out just one person from this tip then gddamn it i consider my job done!
And speaking of my job being done, it’s time to start the weekend kids!  So i hope everyone has a great one, try not to drink yourself to death on St. Patty’s Day and if you make it through alive i’ll cya all here next Friday with an all new blog!

Cya, @migueljose_85 on Twitter

Thanks to everyone who has started to follow me on Twitter!  And thanks to all of my brand new followers on my “Here Comes The Money… Facebook Page!


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