Nothing can prepare us for this end awaiting all, unfair fate has made it’s call. Know the order’s much too tall. Thought that i was ready but i will fall… – Penny Fiasco "Rainbow Bizarre"

6 Mar


What is up kids?

Well it’s finally Friday, and tomorrow is my first day off after working 13 days in a row!  So as you probably guessed i plan on partying my f’n BALLEENS off tonight!  “Wow, you really worked 13 days straight?  Congratulations!  But you do realize you were unemployed for about 450 days in a row, right?  Maybe when you make up for that you can start bragging about FINALLY working just as hard as everyone else.”  Alright first of all, everything you just said was true.  But in my defense i was looking for work that whole time and i just couldn’t find anything, it wasn’t my fault!

And oh yeah second of all, suck my balleens!  And third of all, you’re missing the bigger point.  And that point is that it’s Friday, i don’t got no job tomorrow, and it’s time to get $hitty tonight OLD SCHOOL STYLE!  And by “Old School” i mean not passing out on my couch at 9:30 pm on a Friday night and actually seeing Midnight for once in my pathetic grown up life.  Some come out and join me at the Orange Lantern for a one night only special celebration for me, because next week i’m going back to my normal Friday nights!


To everyone that is patiently waiting for a new season of “VHS Breakdown” i PROMISE you there is one coming!  But for real, this show was a lot easier to do when Rob and i were both unemployed bags of douche who lived closer to each other.  This whole having real jobs nonsense is REALLY eating into our let’s make a show for no reason time and trust me, i’m not happy about it either!
What i am happy about is the fact that VHS Breakdown Season DOS is now being shown on YouTube for the first time ever, and what makes this next episode so special is that it’s my all time personal favorite one that we filmed, the John Carpenter 80’s classic “They Live.”  See if you can tell how not sober i was the entire show!
A Great Name for a Punk Band! “Third Degree”

So if you’ve learned anything by reading my blog all of these years and hopefully you haven’t, it should be the fact that i love gay men.  No, not the way you’re thinking.  i mean i want to have sex with them ! And it’s in that (penis) vein of thought that i want to show you all the next entry into The BEST Album Covers of ALL TIME! and it’s one that may be a bit controversial.  Because not every man is able to admit that he has wondered what a slimy, salty python would actually feel like on their taste buds, no matter how much they would deny it to their friends or wives or girlfriends or my parents. 

But it’s time to grown up and get over these ignorant homophobic feelings, and i can’t think of a better way then to try “A Taste of Dick Black” by Dick Black and his band!
“OLD SCHOOL” NONSENSE- i think it’s bull$hit that people who have kids get to call out of work or leave work early all the time. “Boo Hoo my kid is sick!  i need to leave and take care of them and then call out the next few days! And who knows when i’ll be back!”  Oh yeah?  Go f yourself!  It’s not fair that because of your poor life decisions i have to do extra work while you go home and take care of your “sick” kid.  You should have probably though of that before you brought that unhealthy bundle of nonsense into the world.  So either get a full-time sitter or nanny or just quit your job because you obviously can’t do both.
And no manager in a corporation ever argues that “sick kid” excuse.  It’s just like “You have a sick kid? i’m so sorry to hear that, Cya later and take all of the time you need!”  F that, it’s f’n horse$hit that this is allowed!  You spread your legs and shoot out a sickly baby and have to go home to take care of it and that’s fine, but if i call out of work because i did a Cabo Wabo power hour and then ate Taco Bell afterwards and became a $hitting and puking erupting disaster on the toilet bowl and everyone looks down on ME like i’M the a$$hole?  F you, you judging jerk offs!  Either it’s okay for both of us  to leave work early or it’s not okay for either of us.  What’s fair is fair!

Oh and by the way, my “baby” is lonely and not feeling well and needs my attention immediately.  And by “baby” i mean my beer pong table.  So yeah i gotta bounce, Daddy needs to take care of his baby with a 30 pack of Natty Light just like the doctor ordered.  And oh yeah,  LATER DICKS!

Fast Food FACTS Did anyone even remember that i do Fast Food Facts? Probably not, but oh well you’re gonna get one shoved down your nugget loving throat today.  “Nugget Loving” being my old nickname in high school of course

Anyways, if you remember in an earlier blog i told you all about how fast food places are selling chicken nuggets for MAD cheap these days. Between Burger King selling 10 nuggets for $1.49 and McDonalds selling 20 nuggets for $5 these “restaurants” are practically giving away this excuse to eat different sauces!  Although in McDonalds case that’s not all you’re getting, because apparently they just had to recall over a million mcnuggets because one customer in Japan found blue plastic in their “chicken” while another found pieces of vinyl.   Which would be great if you wanted to make cheap crappy windows, but if all you wanted was the McPleausure of eating delicious McNuggets to solve your McHunger without McDying you are McShit out of McLuck!

And that’s it for me today kids!  i hope to see you all tonight at the Orange Lantern, but more importantly i hope you all laughed at and enjoyed today’s blog so much that you share it with everyone you know to help make their days better.  Plus this way i can get rich and famous and do things like this blog and my show full time and then i’d be the happiest person ever!  But even if not i’m still pretty gddamn happy, so have a great weekend and an even better week and i’ll cya here next Friday for an all new blog.  Or maybe i’ll even cya and party with you tonight at the OL!


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