You’ve got a real type of thing goin’ down, gettin’ down, there’s a whole lot of rhythm goin’ round. You’ve got a real type of thing goin’ down, gettin’ down, there’s a whole lot of rhythm goin’ round. Oww, we want the funk, give up the funk! Oww, we need the funk, we gotta have that funk! – George Carlin and the Parliament Funkadelic "Give Up the Funk"

30 Jan

What is up kids?

So yeah i hate to start off my only blog of the week on a down note, especially when it’s finally Friday!  But GdDAMN have things been f*cking strange as $hitballs so far in 2015. i won’t say that they have been straight up terrible necessarily, but they most certainly ain’t been not that great.  Everything just seems “off” and wrong lately, like there is a glitch in the Matrix.  And i for one am getting sick of it!

For real, i just can’t seem to shake this funk that i am in.  And no amount of boozing and not exercising and/or not eating healthy seems to be helping anything.  And the worst part of it all is that i don’t really know what it is that’s so off, so i’m not 100% sure how i’m supposed to go about fixing it.  i mean if  i was in a fight with someone and i knew i needed to fix that i could work on it.  Or if my job was terrible and i would rather purposely get into an accident while driving on the way to work then go into the office then i could just do that.  And trust, me i have DEFINITELY had jobs where i seriously debated getting into that accident.  ANYTHING other then having to walk into my old job!

But again, whatever it is that has me in this funk is nothing that i can put my finger on.  i’m not even fired up for the Super Bowl for crying out loud, and i f’n love football more then life itself!  Although i am really excited to see who wins, whether the Seahawks can prove how money they are by becoming repeat champions or just to find out what kind of cheating the Pats plan on doing this Sunday.  Because when it comes to Brady they don’t call it “Tom”Foolery for nothing!    Ugh, you see what i mean?  Where the hell did that awful joke just come from?  i’m off, OFF i tells ya!

And i guess i need to get more proactive instead of just hoping this feeling goes away, because it’s almost February and i don’t see a change in sight.  And i’ve been in this kind of funk before and it always eventually just went away.  But apparently my procrastination with everything in life has been a bull$hit approach to my future, and now i’m just reaping the punishment of my gluttonous and lazy life now.  And if i don’t change things soon i’m going to end up being tortured by Kevin Spacy for a year as the slob i am and to be honest, i’ll deserve it

But yeah i’m sorry to start this weekend off on a downer, especially when i know you all come to me each week to either laugh or learn or maybe both.  And i could have just lied and made this another “hangover” blog where i talked about partying and boozing and blazing and $hit like that.  But i honestly think my readers can tell when i just phone it in, and i just didn’t have the energy to do that this time.  Jesus, i don’t even have the energy to phone a blog in? How lazy can i f*cking be?  i’ve had it with this gddamn funk i’m in!  It’s f*cking Friday and i’m done with this old funk.  So let’s all try to snap out of it, let’s get ready for this weekend and the big game, and if we’re gonna still be in a funk then we might as well make it the machine gun funk motherf*ckers!  All i want is bitches, big booty bitches!


– Did you know that someone has created the perfect trap to catch white girls?  You DIDN’T?!?  Well lucky for you i’m here to teach as well as make you laugh, so study this next picture hard because it may very well help you catch your very own white girl one day!

And yeah i might have done that bit recently but i don’t remember for sure and even more importantly i don’t care, it’s funny!

The BEST Album Covers of ALL TIME!  So as smart as i am i will never figure out why schools torture EVERYBODY by having children play recorders.  Most of these rugrats  are barely potty trained and/or can speak complete sentences, but for some reason we feel it necessary to hand them the noisiest and most obnoxiously annoying instrument on the planet!  But not for Svetlana, a woman who has turned this terrible kids flute into a pole of beautiful music perfect for her soft lips. Which is why today i present to you, Svetlana Gruebbersolvik and “My Lips are for Blowing!”

– So is everyone enjoying Season Dos of “VHS Breakdown” now on YouTube?  You are?  Well isn’t that Jim Dandy!  Anyways if you missed it we recently put up Episode 3, “Weird Science” which is one of my favorite 80’s movies of all time yet it’s not one of our most watched episodes.  What gives people?  Watch it now and tell me why you all hate it so gddamn much!!!

Fast Food Tips – Every decade or so there is a fast food innovation that rocks our world to it’s greasy, unhealthy core.  At one point in our lives the McGriddle was born, and my arteries and colon were never the same during breakfast hours again. 

Not to be outdone KFC introduced the “Double Down,” a bacon and cheese sandwich with two pieces of fried chicken for bread.  And to be honest i always thought “Double Down” was a perfect name, as you were truly doubling down on your bad decisions to eat one of these monstrosities. 

And now, here in 2015, i would like to present to you the “Double Down Dog,” the newest creation from KFC that puts a hot dog covered in cheese inside a bun size piece of fried chicken.  Which is perfect for any of you that would eat a hot dog and think to yourself, “You know what this hot dog needs?  Fried Chicken!”  Which let’s be honest, we’ve ALL thought that before!  Currently this item is only available in the Philippines which means that Jay John is the only person we know that has tried it yet.  But it’s nice to know that whenever it gets to the States that we will all salute this new true American hero! 

And that’s it for me today kids!  i’ll be back here next Friday with an all new blog, and hopefully with an all new attitude as well.  i hope you guys are digging this once a week nonsense for now, i know it’s half the goodness and ha ha’s per week but it’s really helping me out so i do appreciate it.

But have a great weekend, let’s go Seahawks, and most importantly let’s go all the unhealthy double down dogs i’m going to shove that my face hole all Super Bowl!  

Cya Friday!  Follow @migueljose_85 on Twitter


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