One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you’re too tired. – George Carlin

23 Jan

THE BLOG WHERE i BECOME AN OLD MAN

What is up kids?

i’ll tell you what’s up, it’s gddamn FRIDAY!  And i’m so f’n happy it’s here, thank God it’s TGIF!   Although i do have to admit my Friday nights have changed a LOT since i first started this blog a few years ago.  Normally by the time most of you got around to reading this i would be at least 7 beers deep, eating fried appetizer specials at a happy hour hoping i’d end up at my place playing beer pong and ordering a late night pizza until i was passed out pantsless on my basement floor covered in puke and shame and stale Natty light using a greasy meat lover’s Sicilian slice from Tommy Turvino’s as my pillow.  You know, the good old days!
Unfortunately now i’m old as F*CK, plus i don’t get out of work until 8 pm on Friday nights.  Which means by 9 i’m in my pajamas with a bottle of wine on the couch with my girl on the couch watching “The Soup” until i pass out before Midnight despite the fact that i’m off on Saturdays and i really SHOULD stay up partying because it’s the only weekend night that i’m able to do so.  Although i guess it’s good i go to bed early tonight since i have to go to Home Depot this Saturday.  And who knows, maybe i’ll stop by Bed Bath and Beyond, but i don’t know if i’ll have enough time!  And by the way, this joke is really f’d up because i really did go to Home Depot last Saturday, and again yesterday!  Someone f’n kill me! 

Except don’t kill me, because even though i’m an aging lame ass i’m still having the greatest time in this life ever. i mean i have to say that i’ve always fought the idea of “growing up,” especially in my 20’s. Okay fine and my 30’s.  But i never wanted to stop partying just because i’m “supposed” to be more mature, and the idea of giving up drinking and boozing my face off to no end was something i hated. Now i have no problem spending a Friday night going to bed early, but when i was younger i used to not even shower to get ready to go out until 10, and then i’d hit the bar by 11 or midnight.  Then i’d make sure to stop by Wendy’s at 4 am and then sleep until 3 pm on Saturday.  Whatever happened to that fun life?  When did i turn into a golden girl?
 

i don’t know when this change happened, but i’m here to tell you that i’m okay with it.  The fact that it just gradually happened to me and i wasn’t forced into it makes a huge difference, because once people tell me i HAVE to do something i will always fight that just because.  Call me John Locke because no one tells me what to do!  And whatever, if i’m going to be a Golden Girl i can always be that slutty one who bangs a lot and eats a ton of cheese cake cause that sounds money to me.  Thank you for being a friend! 

RANDOM NONSENSE


– So if you don’t watch football i really feel bad for you, because that Seahawks/Packers game last Sunday was about as incredible of a game as you will ever see in your life, in any sport.  i mean fake field goals, onside kicks, and scoring 15 points in less then a minute?  That game was f*cking insanity!  Although i did see people giving $hit to the Seahawks fans who left the game early, because those non believers ended up missing what may be the greatest comeback of all time.

But i disagree.  Not with the comeback being the best but with people who make fun of those who left the game early.  Has anyone tried to get out of a parking lot after a football game?  It LITERALLY takes hours, and when your team just lost a playoff game that can turn to MURDEROUS hours quickly.  Who wants to be stuck in terrible traffic in a parking lot all night in rainy cold weather after your team just lost?  No one, that’s who. 

 So yeah it would be nice to stay the entire time and watch your team come back an win, but if you’re someone who hates losing and traffic as much as i do i can understand wanting to just get the f*ck out of there.  Besides, tailgating is the most important part of going to any football game so as long as you did that i consider your job done.  And you also just paid over a hundred beans for a ticket.  i say you can leave the stadium whenever the f*ck you want!

And oh yeah, before i go i just want to say, HEY PACKERS…
  LATER DICKS!

“OLD SCHOOL” NONSENSE – So like any decent human being i support gay rights, and i for one couldn’t be happier to see all the rapid progress that their cause has achieved even in just these last few years.  i think it’s absurd that gay marriage is not recognized in every state in America yet, and it’s a disgrace that there are even less LGBT laws protecting gay people in the work place.  Being Gay is obviously how you are born and not a “choice,” and it’s about time everyone realized this and started acting that way.
That being said, toys like these for little kids can’t help.  And i’m not saying it’s a bad thing if you’re a parent and you WANT your kid to be gay, i’m just saying there has to be more subtle ways then getting them toys like this…
A Great Name for a Punk Band! “The Smart Alecs”

The BEST Album Covers of ALL TIME!  So i’ve gotten a pretty incredible reception from a LOT of people who are loving this brand new bit!  And by “a LOT” i mean my girlfriend said she thought it was pretty funny.  And by “new” i mean all you have to do is look up “Worst album covers of all time” on Google and pretty much figure out what covers i’m going to be making fun of next.

But lucky for me you’re all too lazy to do that, so with that being said let’s get to our next nominee for Greatest Album Cover of All Time!  This one goes out to Jay John, who must be getting pretty pissed that all of the nominees so far have been for “white” artists.  But much like the Academy Awards i’m going to claim that this was all just a coincidence, and also just like the Academy Awards i’m going to nominate one black person and consider myself redeemed!  Which is why today i present to you one of the most HARDCORE rappers of all time,  Devistatin’ Dave the Turntable Slave and “ZIP ZAP RAP!”

Fast Food Tips – i don’t know what’s going on with chicken nuggets these days but apparently fast food restaurants can’t get rid of these $hits fast enough.  From Burger King offering 10 nuggets for $1.49 or McDonalds offering 50 nuggets for $10 something fishy seems to be going on with these nuggets.  And by “fishy” i mean i think they are serving us rotten fish meat instead of actual chicken. 

But whatever, a good deal is a good deal and if i can shove a Hamilton worth of nuggets down my disgusting throat then i’m going to do it.  Besides, i hear they have this great new dipping sauce called “pink slime” that sounds amazing!  But rumor has it that most of us have tried it already and didn’t even know…

And that’s it for me today kids!  And i have to say i’m digging this once a week blogging stuff so i’ll be back again next FRIDAY for an all new blog!  i don’t know if i’m making this permanent yet but for now once a week is all you’re gonna be lucky enough to have of me.  So enjoy you’re weekend and i’ll cya next Friday!

Cya, follow @migueljose_85 on Twitter and

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One Response to “One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you’re too tired. – George Carlin”

  1. Amanda Batista January 23, 2015 at 4:53 pm #

    Honorable mention for including Jen's “Benjamin Button” head shot 🙂

    Like

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