Resolutions? ME?? Just what are you implying? That i need to CHANGE?? Well buddy, as far as I’M concerned, I’m perfect the way I am! – Calvin "Calvin and Hobbes"

6 Jan


Happy New Year kids!

It’s 6 days into 2015, which means it’s been 5 days since i’ve broken all of my new years resolutions!  And that kinda sounds pretty poor until you realize that’s double the amount of time i made it before i broke all of my 2014 new years resolutions.  With this rate of progress i’ll be able to make it through almost the entire month of January without breaking any of my new years resolutions by the year 2095! 

And yes, i still make New Year’s resolutions.  i know a lot of people don’t do so and/or think they are stupid.  Mostly because they figure why wait until it’s a new year to make improvements about something you would like to change about yourself?  Don’t put off giving up smoking, or losing weight, or being nicer to people and not be such a judging a$$hole.  Don’t put all of that $hit off, do it NOW!

But whatever, i’m a fan of making new years resolutions.  In fact i’m a fan of anything people do to try to make themselves better, no matter what the reason is.  Especially because most people seem to just get to a certain point in their lives and figure they don’t need to change or grow as a person anymore. They know what they like and that’s it!  But not me, i’m constantly trying to get better and smarter.  “And fatter!”  Yes and fatter.  But not on purpose!  “Oh, so you shove disgustingly unhealthy food down your obese throat night after night by accident?”

Alright guy, i get it.  But my point is who cares if these are just new years resolutions that people are going to fail/give up on immediately?  At least they are TRYING, and i’ll always give people credit for that.  So good luck to all of you that are at least trying to be a better person!  And if you didn’t make any new years resolutions you can always follow Neil deGrasse Tyson’s life advice because the world would be a better place if we all did! 


– Now i know i do this bit at the beginning of every year, but a lot you have the attention span of a 5 year old with a severe ADD who just finished a case of Red Bull so i’m going to remind you all about this AGAIN!  But it’s the new year which means NOW is the time to go out and buy yourself a 2015 calendar because they are all 50% off everywhere!  Hopefully you listened to me last year and you didn’t waste money buying a calendar in December for FULL price when you could have just waited a hot second and bought one for half off now.

And yeah i know you could always just check your phone, your computer, your laptop, your Ipad, the television, your iWatch, and/or your Google glasses to find out what day it is.  But none of that stuff asks me Simpsons trivia on a daily basis, so i’m still gonna go out and buy calendars because i’m an old out of date f*ck!  Well i guess not out of date because like i said i’m getting a brand new calendar…

– If you haven’t already heard about this on our VHS BREAKDOWN FACEBOOK PAGE, Season DOS of VHS Breakdown will now be available on OUR YOUTUBE PAGE!  Starting with our Season Premier and just an all around epic episode, “The Karate Kid part II.”  Watch and share with your friends! And enemies!

– So in my last blog i made a point of recaping 2014 and talking about all of the important news stories of the year.  But did anyone notice that i missed the most important story of them all?  And that’s People Magazine declaring Miss Kate Upton as the sexiest woman alive! 

But can i tell you all a secret kids?  i think i’m starting to get over her.  It’s not that she doesn’t make my penis go “booWHIP!”  Because i’m a male and i do still have a pulse.  All i’m saying is that while i’m not totally over it i’m kinda over it, and yes it’s probably because she’s getting close to hitting “the Wall.”  i don’t want to be superficial and say that what it is, but i also don’t want to be a liar and not say it.  So well done People Magazine, you got 2014 on point.  It might be time for a new queen in 2015 though, this Kate Upton chic is a little 2000 and late…

A Great Name for a Punk Band! – “The Dirt Cheaps”

“OLD SCHOOL” NONSENSE -Does everyone know you can’t order a “Long Island Iced Tea” in Massachusetts?  No, not just because they hate the Yankees so much that Boston would probably be gay and do something like that.  It’s because there is too much liquor in a LIT, and apparently people from Mass can’t handle that much booze in their vaginas.  And oh yeah, they are also not allowed to have “Happy Hours” either.  Well not for alcohol anyway, they are allowed to have discounted food prices.  But they aren’t allowed to sell discounted liquor of any kind, so they can never have any happy hour deals in that state.  “Whoo hoo go Saux!”  Your accent and your alcohol policies are wicked gay, and you’ll never be as cool or as tough as New York.  ESPECIALLY because your bars close at 1 am and in New York they are open all night baby!  Oh and our Giants QB owns your Patriots QB, just sayin…
And that’s it for me today kids!  Only a few more blogs to go to before i hit 365, and i can PROMISE you i’ll have something planned for that milestone!  i don’t have anything in mind now, but i promise i will at some point!
But i hope everyone has a great week, a better year, and thanks for joining “Here Comes the Money…” again in 2015!


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