We got 12 bottles of water, 56 beers, two vodkas, four whiskeys, six bottles of wine, tequila, Nutella, cheese, pizza, eggs, bananas, apples, bacon, steaks, pancake mix, C.T. Crunch, milk, ketchup, a Milky Way, half-ounce Sour Diesel, 3 1/2 grams Grand Master Kush, one ounce of ‘shrooms, 15 pills of ecstasy, a porno mag, a baseball bat, and the video camera from the movie 27 Hours. – Seth Rogan "This is the End"

23 Dec


What is up kids?

i’ll tell you what’s up, this is it!  This is the end!  The end of my blogs for 2014!
And what a FANTASTIC year it’s been boys and girls, i absolutely loved 2014!  For real, i’m not a Paulie Pessimist or Negative Nancy or Debbie Downer.  Hell, i’m not even Wendy Whiner or Dougie Douche Bag.  Instead, why don’t you call me MONEY miguel, because i couldn’t be happier in life right now.  Well that’s not true, if all of my bills suddenly became paid and if scientists all of sudden proved that pizza helps aid in weight loss i guess it’s possible i could be happier.  But not by much!   
But like i said last blog this was the year that i became a Godfather, i moved in with my girlfriend which is the first time i’ve ever been serious (and lucky) enough to make such a move.  i got a new job with a great company , as well as got off of unemployment after being on it for the last 8 years. Plus all of my family and loved ones are relatively happy and healthy.  What more could you want for in life?
Although i cannot pretend like 2014 wasn’t a sad year at all.  i lost in both of my Fantasy Football championships when i should have been in 3 and now i only win a bunch of money instead of a lot.  Plus we had to say LATER DICKS! to some people a lot sooner then we would have liked.  And while it’s sad to say LATER DICKS! to those we have lost, it’s good to know that we wouldn’t feel sad right now unless we had the great memories that we have of them.  And it’s because of those good times that we shared that we need to be thankful for having those memories of them, not sad that we lost the ones we love. Even still, it is heartbreaking to post this LATER DICKS!  In Memoriam Edition…
2014 was also a wacky year for news, as NBA owner Donald Sterling got caught saying some racist $hit about black people.  Which really wasn’t surprising to anyone who knew him or knew of him, or who knows any older white man really.  Michael Brown and Eric Garner highlighted the racial tension and unjust that is still going on in this country, whether white people want to admit it or not.  Ebola became a really big deal for a hot second, only to be forgotten when everyone realized that more people were drugged and raped by Bill Cosby then were killed by Ebola. 

And despite Dick Cheney and George W Bush constantly telling Americans that we did not engage in torture, we found out that not only did they know that we tortured people, but they also lied about it and regardless they still think even today that it was the right thing to do!  Although i guess when you’re down to lie to the American public about WMD’s to get everyone behind a war that we should have never entered into, lying about torture doesn’t really seem to bad.  No, that’s not true.  Everything they did is horrific, and if there is a hell i hope they burn in IT for the rest of eternity for sending our brave young soldiers to die in the desert for no reason.
But with all of those terrible news stories there was one that stood out as the brightest, as it was on January 1st of this year that Colorado legalized the purchase of marijuana for recreational purposes!  Thank you Colorado for not treating us like babies anymore!  And God Bless the USA!


– By the way, if during this recap of 2014 you’re waiting for me to talk about the “World” Cup because i’m Mexican then you are wrong and you are wracist.  i can’t f’n stand soccer!  It’s slow, and it’s boring, and everyone flops more then Lebron James, and there’s no scoring, and when there is scoring there are ties, and FIFA is an evil organization that takes advantage of poorer Third World countries.  So yeah, you can drop your racist thoughts about me and soccer on this blog right now because i ain’t talking about it! 
– “Hey miguel, when the hell can we expect more things from VHS Breakdown?  It’s been forever!”  Good question, and you can expect Season 3 coming soon in 2015!  And i guarandamntee that this year is going to be funnier, it’s going to be badder, and it’s going to be even more tape smashier!

And the first bit of big news is that Season Dos will soon be available on YouTube!  And by soon i mean right in the new year!  Make sure to Like Our Facebook Page Here or go to our YouTube Page Here for the latest updates, but to celebrate here is our review of Rob’s favorite movie of all time, “Just One of the Guys!”  Watch it and PLEASE tell us if you can find out any info on Greg French, you’d be the first person on the internet to be able to figure out the mystery!

– Getting back to the race topic, i love it how a lot of black people say “axe” instead of saying “ask.”  i gots none clue where that came from or how it started, or why it never gets corrected.  i guess it’s the same as Chinese people not being able to say the letter “L” and Mexicans not being able to stay in this country legally.  Although now i’m wondering if when black people see a commercial for “Axe” body spray if they are thinking, “Are they axing me if i wear body spray?”  Just a thought.  

“MOMbook posters”- i seriously doubt that there are any moms out there that are awesome enough to do this.  But if you are out there just know i think you are the coolest mom ever!!

i’ve had good times on drugs.  That’s a fact.  i’ve had bad times on drugs too, okay?  But i’ve had good and bad relationships and i’m not giving up pu$$y”  – Bill Hicks

-Dear people who don’t think they should extend Unemployment benefits… you do realize that the people who are on unemployment have paid into that program, right?  People don’t just get that money for being unemployed, you get that money because while you WERE employed you paid taxes into that program, so just in case you lost your job you would have some money to keep you afloat.  And not even all of your money, it’s not like you get paid the full amount you were getting while you were actually employed.  It’s just money to help pay your bills and feed your family while you are out there looking for another job.

See, i would like to think that most people who are against unemployment benefits don’t know these facts.  But the sad truth is i’m sure they do.  These people know it but just don’t care, and they don’t care because a huge faction of this country only believes in Capitalism and looking out for yourself.  Which is fine i guess, but when you look at how well the stock market is doing, and when you think about all the crooks on Wall Street that work with the banks who stole BILLIONS from the American people and who were never held accountable for it, and how NOBODY went to jail even though if a regular person (minority) mugged someone for 20 bucks they would most definitely get some jail time.  i get that you are okay with all of that and would rather bash the people with no jobs who are literally collecting just a pittance of the huge amount of taxes that they have all already paid instead of going after the top 1% who collects ALL of the wealth in this country.  i get all that.  i think you’re wrong, and i think your opinions and anger are so misguided it actually hurts all of humanity on the planet.  But i do get that you think that.

And that’s it for me this year kids!  i hope everyone has the best Christmas ever!  And i hope your Hannukah was just okay.  But no matter what God you worship, and even if it’s not God at all, i hope you all enjoy this holiday season and spend some quality time with the fam and loved ones, because that’s really what this holiday is all about.  “Is it really miguel?  Because that’s not the most obvious and cliche statement of all time you just made.  Honestly, it’s the last blog of 2014.  Say something a little more meaningful!  Don’t just leave off 2014 with such a lame sentiment, say something shocking and amazing to end this year of blogs!

Alright fine ya jerk.  i was trying to just be lazy and start my Christmas vacation already but you’re right, i’m better then that.  What i will say is that as much as i do love writing these blogs and as much as i enjoy putting them out each week, i don’t know how much longer i’m going to keep it up.  i’ve got other things i need to do in my life like FINALLY start my stand up comedy, finishing another season of VHS Breakdown as well as finally growing up and becoming an adult.  

So enjoy me while you can my friends!  i think i’ve got a finale in mind, and although it’s not close it’s not that far away either.  So have a great holiday break and i’ll see you back here next year on January 6th!

Cya, and follow @migueljose_85 on Twitter!


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