If you dont drink, then all of your stories suck and end with, "And then I got home…" – Jim Jefferies

9 Dec


What is up kids?

So i know i’ve been talking about some pretty heavy issues lately, especially on my last two blogs.  And it’s hard not to considering all of the blatant injustices that have been happening in America, as well as all of the protesting and rioting and demonstrations that have been taking place all over the country, even all of the world.

And i have to say, i’m a big fan of protests and demonstrations in general.  It makes me feel good to know that people still have the motivation to get together and stand up for what they believe in.  Hell, even those maniacs in the Westboro baptist Church get a little of my respect for at least having the balls to loudly and strongly speak for what they believe in.  And i mean yeah they are all racist, ignorant douchebag homophobes who are going to hell for all of the hate they spew.  But you gotta admit they stand for what they believe in!

And you know what the biggest problem with these brain dead lunatics really is?  It’s that the rest of us don’t drown them out by preaching our own words of love and acceptance.  Because maybe if we were as passionate for all of the good things that we believe in like love and togetherness the way those maniacs stood together in their message of hate, then maybe we wouldn’t even know who the Westboro baptist church even is.  That group of dirtbag hatemongers would be out at their corner waving all of their hate signs, but no one else would be able to see them because the 90% of society that just wants to live in peace and harmony would be outside there houses showing their good signs of faith to the point that it was all that we could see!

But no, instead the rest of us are content to let these maniacs speak their racist ignorant views as we do nothing but sit on the couch and watch the Real Housewives and Vanderpump Rules marathons.  Although speaking of which, can any of you believe that Schwartz cheated on Tequila Katie? What a dirtbag!  Who does he think he is, Jax? And oh yeah b t dubs, this second season of Vanderpump might be better then the first!  Not that i watch that show…

But oh well, like a great man once said change does not occur until the pain of staying the same exceeds the pain of change.  And it looks like after a lifetime of being able to shoot unarmed black people without ever getting in trouble for it, people aren’t going to stand for it and let that stay the same any longer.  And i know a lot of you just think that these “Liberal Hippies” are doing nothing with all of their rallies and protests, but i can promise you that there will be some good that comes out of this.  Well it’ll be good if you’re a pure hearted decent person who believes that all of us on this planet are in this thing together.  If you’re an ignorant racist who wants nothing more then to keep hating everyone and stay alone in your circle of white misery then maybe you won’t think these changes are any good!  But lucky for me i don’t give a f*ck what you think, so enjoy being a miserable hateful bag of douche while the rest of us will keep doing our best to try and make this world a better place! 


So i finally got to see Jim Jeffries perform stand up comedy this past Saturday night in Englewood, NJ and it was one of the most fun shows that i’ve ever seen in my life.  Between the fire alarm going off in the middle of his set, to him getting in a fight with the sound people who shut off his microphone when he was making fun of the building and the people in charge, to getting into fights with hecklers and calling out some ahole who was filming his show, to even getting to meet him and take a picture with him out in the lobby on our way out.  Jim Jefferies is the f*cking man and seeing him this weekend with my girl after a money dinner at Blue Moon was just the perfect night that i needed and i’m still in a good mood about it now.  Isn’t it fantastic when life is the f*cking money? 

i’d have to say the worst thing about eating healthy is the nonstop talking that the person dieting has to do about it.  Does anyone know someone who is on a diet, or who is “gluten-free” or who doesn’t eat carbs?  Because i guarantee if anyone you know is on any such diet like those that you are aware of it, because none of them can just f*cking stop talking about it ever!  And trust me, i’m no better.  i’ve been trying to eat healthy since last Monday and literally EVERY single person that i work with is aware of this fact, mostly because i can stop running my stupid fat mouth about how i’m eating better! 

And i get why we do it, it’s because the only way to eat healthy is to think and talk about eating healthy all the f’n time.  Because once you slip up you know that 1 cheat day turns into 2 or 15 days easily!  So we all think that maybe if we talk about it over and over again with everyone we know then MAYBE we won’t cheat on our diet.  And maybe we’ll all lose even more weight when someone gets so sick of us talking about eating healthy and then slits our stupid fat throats and we die.  Although i have heard that massive blood loss is another great way to lose weight!

 “Facebook Etiquette”-
HEY IT’S ME your facebook friend from high school who never left our hometown & thinks Olive Garden is fancy. Anyway here’s a racist article

A Great Name for a Punk Band! “The Baa Baa Black Sheep”

“OLD SCHOOL” NONSENSE – So i take really long showers.  Like obnoxiously long.  i would say i easily take a 20 minute shower every day before work.  i could probably sleep an extra half hour if i just took a short 5 minute shower but instead i’d rather wake up early and shower it up until all of the hot water is gone.  idk, i guess i just feel like the longer i’m in the shower the longer it is before i have to face reality and start my day.  And normally it’s not a problem when i do it at my house, but it’s the worst when i’m showering at a hotel or at a friends house or something like that because i hate feeling like i’m getting judged for how long my showers are.  Mostly because if you’re in the shower for more then 20 minutes people are just going to assume that i’m whacking off.  Which isn’t true! 
And trust me, i know plenty of guys who whack off in the shower.  Hell, i’ve seen them do it!  But that just isn’t and never will be my thing no matter how long i’m in there.  And it’s sad, because now my friends are sitting there thinking i’m whacking my balleens off for 20 minutes straight in the shower when in reality all i’m doing is trying to scour off a night’s worth of shame and regret.  And with my horrific lifestyle trust me, that can take awhile… 
Fast Food Tips – In an effort to destroy your colon as well as spontaneously crush your soul and dreams, Pizza Hut is releasing it’s brand new Doritos crust pizza which adds crumbled Doritos to the outside of your cheesy crust.  Because apparently having an entire pizza made of cheese was not enough, which is clearly the reason we all needed the crust to be filled with cheese as well.  But the idea of now adding Doritos to the outside to make this meal even more of an unhealthy disaster almost makes me angry.  i mean for real, what the f*ck Pizza Hut?  Why do you hate my toilet bowl so much?  You know he’s the one who is going to suffer the most after eating this MONSTROSITY, as i cry my brown and red tears from my cheeks into the gentle blue water below.  i don’t know, i know this bit is about telling you all about about the latest and greatest fast food items but i just don’t feel right about this one.  It just seems wrong to me.  Oh well 
And that’s it for me today kids!  i hope everyone has a great week, despite the fact i lost my fantasy league going up against Julio Jones on Monday night football.  Way to not defend him you Packer dickheads!  Although i did beat Rob with Jordy Nelson and Eddie Lacy so i guess it’s just the Packer defense that is straight up garbage.

But have a great week and i’ll see you all on Friday with an all new blog!  There’s not that many left in 2014!!

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