People who see life as anything more then pure entertainment are missing the point – George Carlin

21 Nov

What is up kids?

Well it was the longest week in gddamn history, but lucky for us it’s over and it’s finally Friday!!  Hallef*ckinglluah!

And i hope you all have great plans for the weekend!  And by “great” i mean i hope they involve a ton of alcohol and/or the safe but illegal substances of your choice.  Just no pills though, because none of you should trust anything made in a lab, including meth!  And don’t do cocaine or most other powders, because besides doing nothing to expand your mind it’ll just turn you into a nonstop talking a$$hole and no one will want to be around you.  And also don’t do anything you have to inject, because if you need a needle to get you high then you have some serious problems and should seek help.  Speaking of which, none of you out of ANY circumstances should do heroin, EVER!  i don’t care how great you think it makes you feel, it’s f’n total garbage and ruins everyone’s life who uses it.  i mean seriously, can anyone name the one success story about someone who used heroin?  At least with meth i can name one person whose life became better because of it!

So yeah basically i’m telling you to either drink alcohol or smoke weed, or do them both if you’ve got nothing to do tomorrow.  And it shouldn’t be “shocking” that i’m saying this because for real, can’t we all just be grown ups and admit that there’s nothing wrong with smoking weed?  And i don’t  mean just in Amsterdam, or Colorado, or Oregon and Washington State/D.C. where it’s legal.  Because even in New York it’s totally legal to carry around a big bag of weed these days!  Just as long as you don’t smoke it or roll it into a joint, because then you will get arrested.  Now this may sound pretty silly and about that you are correct, which is why If you have the time now you should watch the SNL skit which explains this new NY law about weed perfectly and hilariously…

So yeah, do whatever you want this weekend as far as booze and marijuana goes, even though i’m totally talking about this subject despite the fact that i CLEARLY know nothing about “taking the pot” personally.  i mean Mary Jane, do i look like someone who would smoke marijuana?  Smokers are jokers! 

But whatever your drug of choice is as long as it’s one of the two aforementioned ones i just talked about then i hope you drink and smoke and chug and blaze whatever you wish.  Because it’s Friday, you ain’t got no job, and you ain’t got $hit to do!  Except for read my nonsense of course!


– So hopefully everyone is going out to a happy hour or a party or doing SOMETHING tonight, but if you aren’t then you should make sure to watch Joe Rogan’s new stand up comedy special “Rocky Mountain High” on Comedy Central tonight at midnight!

It’s a brand new hour of comedy so if you’ve never seen his stand up before or only know Rogan from Fear Factor and/or the UFC you should definitely check it out.  Because Rogan is the gddamn MONEY and is literally one of the most interesting people on the face of the Earth.  “Really miguel?  You’re telling me the guy who made people eat animal penises for money is a funny stand up comic?” Yes, that’s exactly what i’m telling you.  And besides his special tonight you should also listen to his podcast, “The Joe Rogan Experience” because it is something that has changed my life and if you’re a cool person and open to new ideas it might change yours as well.  Plus me and Rogan are great friends, so do me a favor and what my buddy’s comedy special tonight!

 – Can we please make a store that ONLY sells cigarettes and lottery tickets? This way when i stop to get a quick coffee and/or bagel on my way to the office i don’t have to wait an extra 45 minutes while these pathetic lowlifes go through all of their losing lottery tickets only to spend the $3 they do end up winning on more lottery tickets, and i also won’t have to sit and watch these unhealthy guys who want to slowly kill themselves with cigarettes explain for an hour their specific brand of cancer sticks that the clerk can never seem to find.  My transaction should only take about 20 seconds tops, but instead i have to wait for these broke ass hopefuls and uneducated suicidal maniacs purchase their vices and make me late for work.  And honestly, i don’t care if you go broke wasting your money on scratch offs or die a horrible cancer filled death while your lungs and heart turn black and your rotted teeth fall out of your disgusting mouth, just hurry the f*ck up already!!!

– Speaking of getting coffee, i think it’s totally ghetto that Dunkin Donuts has those “one napkin at a time” dispensers that only let’s you take one napkin at a time.  C’mon jerks!  My entire house used to be filled with Dunkin Donuts napkins because i used to take all of them every time i went there, and now i can’t do that because you changed it to those one at a time dispensers!  Help a brother out!  And yes i realize people like me are the reason you had to change your napkin dispensers.  But whatever, i’m sending 3 dollars on a stupid coffee i think i’m entitled to as many free napkins as i want!  And until you put your sugar packets in a “one packet at a time” dispenser i’m taking all of them $hits too!

A Great Name for a Punk Band!  “Projectile Volume”  That one was from Rob, and one of the few bands names ever that wasn’t penis related which is why i’m using it. 
Fast Food Tips – So White Castle has 3 new desserts for only 99 cents, and coincidentally their names are exactly the same as the nicknames that i had in college!  And that’s the “Fudge Dipped Brownie,” “Fudge Dipped Cheesecake,” and “Gooey Butter Cake.”  Speaking of that last one, people used to say the same things about me that the tagline says about this dessert, and that’s “Grab a Gooey Cake Before it’s Gone!”   

And i’m a big fan of getting dessert at White Castle.  Not only because it’s wonderfully delicious, but mainly because if you’re eating White Castle you have already made the commitment to punish your stomach and/or butthole.  So why cheap out when it comes to dessert?  You owe it to your anus to finish the job!

And that’s it for me today kids!  i’ll be back on Tuesday with my only blog of the week, but until then have the best weekend, drink and smoke any drugs you wish as long you listen to my advice and don’t forget to share this blog with people you love to make their life better with laughter!  It couldn’t hurt to try, could it?

See you Tuesday!  @migueljose_85 on Twitter


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