So never mind the darkness, we still can find a way. Cause nothin’ lasts forever, even cold November rain. – Guns N’ Roses "November Rain"

7 Nov

What is up kids?

Holy Jeebus f’n Christballs it’s freaking NOVEMBER already!  When the hell did that even happen?  i literally feel like i was just talking about getting ready for Halloween, and now i gotta start thinking about what Christmas presents i need to start buying for people!  And notice i didn’t bring up Thanksgiving, because for some reason people like to just hop over that holiday and pretend it doesn’t exist.  i’m guessing it’s because Thanksgiving is all about love and family, as well as giving thanks and feeling lucky for all the things we already have.  Christmas on the other hand, is all about the things we want and can’t afford, as well as being materialistic and only caring about presents and gifts and spending money that we don’t have on things that we don’t really need.  So yeah, it DEFINITELY makes sense why people in this country only care about that holiday! 
But not me, i LOVE Thanksgiving.  Getting to hang with my family and eating insane amounts of delicious food while drinking wine and booze and watching football all day?  Sign me up!  Although i have to say i’m one of the lucky ones who has an awesome family that has very little to no drama ever.  We’re all pretty down to Earth cool people who love to drink and party and be with each other, and i guess we have our parents to thank for that.  i mean don’t get me wrong, when we were all younger we definitely fought a little bit.  But even when we were kids it was nothing more then brothers and sisters fighting over petty nonsense then it was any actual REAL family drama.  And you know the drama i’m talking about, because i’m sure you’ve seen and/or hung out with families that have REAL problems with each other.  You know, the kind of fights you used to be able to watch on Jerry Springer during the 90’s where the cops would always end up having to be involved. 
So yeah my family doesn’t have any drama like that which is why i love Thanksgiving.  Although if there is one holiday i don’t dig it’s the Mid-term elections that just happened this past Tuesday.  Did any of you even realize it was election day this week?  If you’re a Democrat you might have missed it, because as usual only the rich, white, elderly Republican voters came out to vote during the Mid-terms and now the Republicans run both the House and the Senate.  Which is great!  As long as you hate women, minorities, the middle class, our environment, and gay people’s rights.  For real, most Republicans don’t even try to hide the fact that they are against everything i just mentioned.  So why do they always win the Mid term elections?  It’s because they are smart enough to go out and vote and get their voice heard while Democrats and minorities and women seem to think that they only need to vote during Presidential elections. 
And don’t get me wrong, i’m not a die hard Democrat by any means.  In fact, i won’t even let you label me one because i REFUSE to associate with any party.  Why would i ever limit myself to a dumb label when i could just listen to and think about individual issues in a rational, intelligent way and then form my own thoughts and opinions instead of just blindly following what some idiot party tells me to do?  Doesn’t make sense to me.

But as much as i would never associate with a singular party, it is F*CKING INSANE TO ME that people in this country could vote for and reelect someone like Mitch McConnell, or Rick Scott in Florida, or Scott Walker in Wisconsin, or John Kline in Minnesota.  i mean how openly and blatantly do these a$$holes have to prove that they don’t give a $hit about anyone in their district except for their rich donors?  For real, the people who voted to elect these pieces of $hit are like Ray Rice’s wife defending what he did in the elevator.  The only difference is the people who voted for these bags of douche are actually asking for it AND deserve what they get! 

But now that the election is over the Republicans are going to do NOTHING for the next 2 years, and i guess the Democrats will have to wait until Hillary is President before they can get anything done again.  So congrats America, you wanted to vote for the party that does nothing and doesn’t pretend otherwise and now you got them!  Although i guess everyone is used to our government doing nothing so apparently that’s what the voters wanted was more of the same.  But oh well, enough of this depressing bull$hit on a Friday.  Let’s get to the nonsense and start the weekend already!

– Can someone tell me the point of carrying the small CVS Savings Club card that they give to you?  Because everyone knows you can just give them your phone number instead, right? i mean yeah it’s fun to try to search your wallet and/or purse for this small ass card that totally gets hidden and is impossible to find and waste 15 minutes looking for it when all you want is a candy bar because you’re a disgusting fat f*ck who can’t go one night without dessert and you need to save the 35 cents.  But how about instead of dealing with the pressure and anxiety of trying to find a ridiculously tiny card while people are in a hurry waiting in line behind me i just give the lady the one phone number on the planet that i still remember and just get the f out of there already?  Just a thought.
– So i know it was yesterday but i’d like to say Happy Birthday to one of my best friends as well as the funniest guy i’ve ever met and that’s my boy Rob Miceli.  We’ve been friends since we were kids, which at this point means we’ve been friends for over 47 years.  But there is no one on the planet who makes me laugh harder, nor is there anyone that i’ve spent more time being a boozing, alcoholic unemployed disaster with then Robert.  And while everyone else on the planet is trying to get us to grow up and be mature adults, you can find both of us playing beer pong and eating bacon Sicilian pizza from Tommy Turvinos in Glen Rock while doing a Power Hour with our wills taped to our chest just in case we both die. 
Rob is also the genius behind “VHS Breakdown,” because without him the show would just be my dumb ass yelling into a camera like every other lame ass YouTube video.  But because Rob is so talented we’ve created one of the funniest and most creative shows ever, and i say that as a true fan of Rob’s work.  To be honest neither one of us should still be on this planet right now, and the fact that we’ve survived all of the RIDICULOUSLY insane and stupid things we’ve done and/or been through together is nothing short of a miracle.  But for whatever reason we’re both still here, and it’s nice to know that we’ll stay best friends as long as we’re alive.  And then even longer when we’re both in hell for all of our combined sins!  And you can be sure that when we are chilling in hell we’ll be laughing like idiots yelling back at the Earth…
A Great Name for a Punk Band! “The Crape Hangers”   And yeah i’m sure most of you don’t know what that term means.  But you should look it up, it’s a great name for a band.  Hence the bit!

And oh yeah, this is not to be confused with “crepes” which are a french breakfast food.  And you know just to put this out there, I had a whole mess of crepes this morning. They’re just like pancakes, maybe even better.

Fast Food Tips –  As angry as i am at the results of this past election i really shouldn’t be surprised, because they announced the winner of the Lays Potato Chips “New Flavor” contest awhile ago and the choice that the people in this country voted for is so awful that you would have thought George W Bush was the winning flavor.  In America’s defense i will say that the choices for the new flavor options were pretty poor at best, with those choices being Cappuccino, Cheddar Bacon Mac N Cheese, Wasabi Ginger and Mango Salsa.  And yes i’ll admit that i tried them all, but only because i wanted to make an informed decision and NOT because i’m a big fat f*ck with horrifically poor eating habits…

But yeah the winning flavor was Wasabi Ginger, which was actually invented by a girl from New Jersey which is kinda cool.  She apparently wins either a million dollars or 1% of the total chip sales through July 15, 2015.  And since everyone will hate this new flavor and the total sales might not even top $10 i’m guessing this lucky girl will just take the 1 million dollars.  So congrats to this Jersey girl, even though i’m still heated that Lays won’t consider my Angus Steak Nutella flavor which i’m POSITIVE would be the greatest flavor ever!  But oh well, my dream will just have to stay on hold until next year’s contest. 

And that’s it for me today kids!  i hope everyone has the money weekend, and make sure to mark your calendar 2 years from now so that you actually remember to go out and vote next election!  Or don’t, and then just complain about how awful the system is and corrupt politicians are and then doing nothing about it.  Because that’s what being a REAL American is all about!

Cya Tuesday with an all new blog!  @migueljose_85 on Twitter


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