Man, it’s the same bull$hit they tried to pull in my day. If it ain’t that piece of paper, there’s some other choice they’re gonna try and make for you. You gotta do what Randall Pink Floyd wants to do man. Let me tell you this, the older you do get the more rules they’re gonna try to get you to follow. You just gotta keep livin’ man, L-I-V-I-N. – Academy Award Winner Matthew McConaughey

28 Oct

THE BLOG WHERE DOING CHEESY CAR COMMERCIALS IS ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT!

What is up kids?

So does everyone have their Halloween costume ready for this Friday or what?  Actually now that i think about it if you’re still young and cool and fun you’ve probably already worn your costume to a bar and/or party this past weekend.  Because that’s what young, cool and fun party people do, they celebrate Halloween as much as possible!  i mean why wouldn’t they, Halloween is like Comic Con for every person in the country, except this time it’s not just for the nerds!
And i don’t know if it’s because i’m getting old, or if it’s that my priorities in life have changed these days but i’m just not that excited for Halloween this year.  Except of course for the party i’m going to in Cape Cod this weekend to celebrate my Nephew/Godson’s first birthday party!  Now THAT is something i’m excited for!
But you see, that’s just it.  These days i’m more excited to see my 1 year old nephew and be with my family and my girl at a fun get together then i am to go out to a loud and crowded bar surrounded by young girls dressed in slutty costumes while everybody is completely drunk and there’s free candy everywhere.  i mean for real, what the hell is wrong with me?  Why don’t i want those things anymore?!?!  When did i become one of these moms that i can’t stand on Facebook?!?!?
And i know some of you must be getting sick reading this, especially my married guy friends who look to yours truly to hear crazy stories of me doing a power hour of Natty light before eating an entire bacon Sicilian pizza pie from Turvinos by myself before ending up on my bathroom floor with my pants around my ankles covered in puke and shame.  i mean wasn’t that the reason i started this blog in the first place, to tell stories like that?  Now i’m talking about not going to bars or celebrating Halloween and instead hanging out with 1 year old babies?  i mean what is this world coming to?

And i wish i had a better answer for all of you other then just “i’m growing up,” but i guess that’s the only explanation on why and how i feel these days.  And the strange thing about it is i don’t even hate myself that much for it and in fact i’m actually okay with it.  i mean i’m 73 years old now for crying out loud, i guess it makes sense that i don’t play nonstop beer pong tournaments at night in my kitchen and follow that with doing 11 funnels in a row before eating White Castle until my stomach and anus feel like Hurricane Sandy. 
Although before my faithful readers want to abandon me completely please don’t fret, because i PROMISE you i’m still a lazy, obnoxious immature ahole at heart, it’s just that instead of eating fast food and drinking Natty light until i throw up and deuce myself to no end i instead drink red wine and eat quinoa because i’m a classy fat basterd now!  So deal with it people!  And enjoy the nonsense!
 RANDOM NONSENSE

– So from what i can tell, the World Series and the baseball playoffs in general have been pretty f’n crazy.  Being a Mets fan i wouldn’t know anything about this, because i stop watching baseball once the Mets are out of the playoff hunt.  Which basically means i watch baseball for almost all of April and a then little bit into March, if i’m lucky…
But there is one thing that has bothered me about baseball my entire life, and that’s how baseball players always throw the balls into the crowd to little kids in the stands.  i mean honestly, why the hell do children need to get the ball?  i’m the one who’s been waiting over 30 YEARS to get a foul ball at a baseball game!  What the hell does a child need it for?  How long have these kids even been on this freaking planet, 6 years, tops?!?  This kid has an entire lifetime of enjoyment left to experience, let alone the fact that the kid is blessed with youth and energy and not being an old miserable basterd like me. 
And here’s another thing, that kid didn’t even buy a ticket to the game! i’m sure the kid’s parent and/or some adult bought the ticket for this little rugrat, and they probably drove them to the game while buying them yummy treats and refreshing beverages as well.  So now this young tike gets to go to a free baseball game with a free ride and free food and drinks, AND they get to be the one who gets the foul ball thrown to them by a player on the field!  What the F buddy?  i’m the one who called out sick from work and then paid for all of the tolls and gas and pregame beers and tickets and don’t forget parking.  Let alone the fact that i’ve been waiting for a foul ball since Ronald Regan was our President.  Hook a brother up already!
A Great Name for a Punk Band!  “The Bon Jours”

mIGUEL’S MONEY MOVIE REVIEW!!   So i haven’t seen the movie “Gone Girl” yet, despite the fact that it was directed by David Fincher and it got incredible reviews and made a ton of money at the box office.  And i actually do want to see this film but for real, who can afford the $37 per ticket fee that they are charging these days to go to see it in the theater?  Surely not your humble and slightly poor Mexican/Dominican narrator.
And i while i definitely think Ben Affleck is the money, it’s safe to say that he will never be able to top his greatest role ever in “Dazed and Confused,” which to me is clearly his finest acting performance to date.  i mean it was Affleck playing a dumb meathead teenager who beats up freshmen.  How was he nominated for an Oscar for “Good Will Hunting” and not his role as O’banion?  The academy must hate Irish people!
But yeah even though i never saw his new movie i still think you all should all watch it, because even without seeing it i can tell that it’s awesome!  Although to be honest it probably would have been better if they decided to go with the movie’s “original” title, which of course wasn’t “Gone Girl” but instead it was called…
     “LATER BITCH!”

C’mon, JEWELL!!You’re gonna let me get away with stretching out that poor joke for 3 paragraphs just to get to “Later Bitch?”  This one’s on you buddy. 
  
Fast Food Tips –  No matter how much it makes your stomach and butt hole hurt, White Castle will always be a fantastic food establishment that puts the “assy” in “classy.”  It doesn’t matter how many people wake up in agony after enjoying delicious sliders, people will never stop eating them and/or watching Harold and Kumar movies about them on cable television.  Which is why it’s nice to see them add a few greasy new items to their menu , and by greasy i of course mean “Italian!”
 
Now i know nobody thinks about White Castle when you’re thinking about Italy or chicken sandwiches, but i also know none of you think of the punishment you’re going to lay on your toilet bowl after eating an entire Crave Case by yourself alone in your truck on a Friday night after working all week at the WWE and you’re name is Rob.  So don’t over think this Fast Food Tip too much, just go out to White Castle and enjoy these delicious fast food treats tonight and worry about your future and your B hole later!

And that’s it for me today kids! Although speaking of WWE you should all be checking out Rob’s brand new show on the WWE Network called “Rivalries” which can be seen immediately following RAW and probably On Demand on the network.  His first episode just aired last night and it was about the Stone Cold Steve Austin Rivalry with Vince McMahon!  What can be better then that?  So go check it out and tell a friend about it, and oh yeah make sure you come back here on Friday for an all new blog to tell me what you thought!

Cya Friday, @migueljose_85 on Twitter


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One Response to “Man, it’s the same bull$hit they tried to pull in my day. If it ain’t that piece of paper, there’s some other choice they’re gonna try and make for you. You gotta do what Randall Pink Floyd wants to do man. Let me tell you this, the older you do get the more rules they’re gonna try to get you to follow. You just gotta keep livin’ man, L-I-V-I-N. – Academy Award Winner Matthew McConaughey”

  1. Ceampie Jerry October 30, 2014 at 1:52 am #

    It's great to see you growing up. I don't think there's anything wrong with talking about 1 year old babies. What's your nephews name again? Kieran? mmm, I'm sure he'll be a strong young man one day soon. Get him into football. It's a great sport. yes, there's some hazing, boys 'coming of age' if you will. But it's all normal and natural. No ones 'fault.'

    Like

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