There’s no basement at the Alamo! – Jan Hooks "Pee Wee’s Big Adventure"

10 Oct
What is up kids?

You know i always ask everybody “what’s up” when i start off these blogs, but for once i actually know the answer.  Or at least i do with the high school football team in Sayerville, New Jersey, Because apparently what’s up is high school seniors fingers in underclassmen’s butts!

If you haven’t heard the story yet (and if you haven’t consider yourself lucky), apparently there was an incident with hazing by the Sayerville high school football team.  And by “hazing” i mean that the Seniors on the football team would turn off all of the lights in the locker room, start howling like wolves, pin a freshman football player to the floor before lifting him to his feet and inserting a finger into his rectum and then also sometimes shoving that same said finger into the kid’s mouth. And that’s totally insane and crazy, right?!?

Yeah to normal people i guess it is. But to anyone who has ever played football, or joined a fraternity, or got hazed back in the day when bullies would beat you up and embarrass you daily and not just write hurtful comments on your Facebook wall knows this story really isn’t that crazy.  And no i’m not condoning this awful behavior!  i know that’s the first thing people are going to get mad about so i’ll just stop you now, because i’m not saying this is right in any way and/or should be tolerated.

But to anyone who has never been in a football locker room you just don’t understand the culture of what goes on in there.  It’s teenage boys going through puberty and exploding with testosterone who are under a ridiculous amount of pressure from both family and peers to try and figure out who they want to be in this world.  It’s straight up insanity!  And sometimes you end up with a finger in someone else’s butthole!

Well maybe not.  But still, i’ll never understand how adults seem to forget how f’n CRAZY being a teenager was.  You never have passion in your heart the way you do when you’re a teenager, mostly because it’s impossible to have that kind of energy when you’re older!  i mean there’s a reason teenagers don’t drink coffee every morning, it’s because being 16 is like drinking a case of Red Bull before doing lines of coke!  Not that i’ve ever done either…

But my point is that while of course everyone is so “outraged” about this story, people also need to realize this kind of $hit happens ALL THE TIME.  It’s nice that all the nerds in America feel more protected from bullying now, and i honestly feel that’s a good thing.  But it’s going to take a LOOOONG time before that also crosses over into what is considered very manly professions like sports and government and being a policeman.  There’s an extremely sexist and racist and ignorant mindset that goes on when a bunch of men get together, and hopefully when cases like this get exposed we can finally start to change the mindset of these alpha males jerk offs.  Because being young and full of testosterone is a reason why these kids act like maniacs, but it’s not allowed to be an excuse.  We need to stop saying “boys will be boys” and let them know while they’re still young that trying to be the coolest and toughest guy on the block is an old school nonsense way of thinking.  And there’s nothing worse then old school nonsense!  Except for random nonsense i guess…


– So i want to say Rest in Peace to Jan Hooks, the SNL alum who’s given us all a ridiculous amount of hilarious laughs in her lifetime.  i’ll always remember her from SNL and her role as Jenna Maroney’s mom on “30 Rock,” but apparently the Internet only remembers her as the Alamo tour guide in “Pee Wee’s Big Adventure.”  Which is pretty ridiuclous becuase while that is the best movie ever Jan Hooks is barely in it and she is much better in her funny roles on SNL!

But whatever, if this is what you kids want who am i to not give it to you? So here’s one of my favorite episodes of Season One of “VHS Breakdown” where we review Tim Burton’s directorial debut “Pee Wee’s Big Adventure!”  

– Hockey is back!  And the Devils are already undefeated for the season!  And while i’m glad to watch hockey again, i do miss the hockey season from last year.  If you don’t remember, it’s the one where the New York Rangers totally lucked out and somehow made it to the Stanley Cup finals despite not being that great and having a fair to poor goalie.  But just in case you forgot how last season ended, here’s a little reminder to all of you who need one…

A Great Name for a Punk Band!  “Hey Girl Hey”

“OLD SCHOOL” NONSENSE – Why do people who are serving me at a restaurant always ask if i’d like to “try” one of their dinner specials?  Or even “try” one of their amazing craft beers or “try” one of their wonderful original mixed drink specials?  Because when you ask me to “try” something i am assuming i get to “try” it for free, because that is what you do when you “try” something.  However, if by “try” something you are really asking me to “buy” that item then maybe you should just say that.  Because now that i have to “buy” your over priced speciality beers and “buy” that smoked salmon with the bacon encrusted almonds over fresh asparagus with lobster sprinkles that goes for $65 a plate, i gotta say now all of a sudden i’m not so interested…
Haha i totally just made up that smoked salmon special but doesn’t that sound delicious?  Someone get on making that, i’d love to “try” it!
Fast Food Tips – This is easily the best Fast Food Tip i’ve given in a LONG ass time, and it’s one that people from Dumont will be happy to hear.  Denaros sandwiches, which is the GREATEST sub shop on the planet will now be available in select On the Run and Tiger Marts around North Jersey!  If you’ve never had a Denaro’s sub you’re either not from Dumont or are one of those wacky gluten freaks who can’t eat delicious bread.  But if you’re normal like the rest of us go out and get one of these subs ASAP, i promise it’ll be the best bread you’ve ever had on a sandwich!  With my juicy Mexican buns coming in a close second. 

And that’s it for me today kids!  And did you notice i did an entire blog about kids getting touched without dropping a Sandusky reference?  That’s because i never take the easy joke!  i knew you all thought it was cumming and instead i decided not to drop that joke and i pulled out!

But i’ll creampie you all with love and easy jokes on Tuesday when i’m back here with an all new blog.  So have a great weekend and i’ll cya then!

Cya Tuesday, @migueljose_85 on Twitter


2 Responses to “There’s no basement at the Alamo! – Jan Hooks "Pee Wee’s Big Adventure"”

  1. albin October 10, 2014 at 4:08 pm #

    fair to poor goalie my ass….


  2. Miguel Jose October 14, 2014 at 1:15 am #

    haha yeah i guess he's pretty decent. And he may have no cups but he sure is a handsome fella!


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