I think of all the education that I missed. But then my homework was never quite like this. Got it bad, got it bad, got it bad, I’m hot for teacher. – Van Halen

3 Oct

What is up kids?

i’ll tell you what’s up, it’s the first Friday of October and it’s time to start the weekend!  Well maybe not this second, because i know some of you are probably still at work right now as you read this, including myself.  But who cares, if you’re like me you’ve been checked out since 9 a.m., and nothing can bring you down on this beautiful weekend!  Not even the threat of the Ebola virus! Which is LITERALLY the dumbest thing people in this country are scared about right now.  You are more likely to die from ANYTHING ELSE on the planet then you are from Ebola, yet people are extremely panicked because the news media makes money on fear and business is a boomin…

But rather then spend my weekend worried about a disease that is basically impossible to catch, i’m going to pretend i’m still in my 20’s and drink and party my face up when i go see Rob’s band play this Saturday at the Orange Lantern in Paramus!  And you should all join me!  If you think Rob is great at producing and editing and directing “VHS Breakdown” then just wait until you see him up on stage slapping his bass between his legs!  Trust me, it’s a sight to behold!

So if you’re in the Bergen County area this weekend and/or just want to come and see the creators of VHS Breakdown in person then head to the OL tomorrow at 10 p.m. to watch a money rock cover band as well as buy a bunch of drinks and shots for both yourself and yours truly.  The second part is more of just a suggestion, but feel free to take advantage of my generous offer, you won’t regret it!*  
And oh yeah, we’ve got some BIG news coming on VHS Breakdown soon as well.  So if you haven’t already go to our VHS BREAKDOWN FACEBOOK PAGE to keep up on all of our latest news!  And more importantly, make sure you don’t miss out on this awesome weekend.  Life is too short to let it pass you by!  So even if you aren’t cool enough to come hang with me tomorrow, try to go out to a happy hour, or a bar, or a club, or even that pants party you were invited to.  You owe it to yourself to have a great time in this life, so go do it already!  And enjoy the nonsense! 

– So i actually dig my job bad and have nothing bad to say about the people i work with.  But there is something that i need to say to two specific people in my office, and i can’t hold it in any longer.  Because i’ve been trying to ignore your awful behavior, but i just can’t do it anymore and i’m finally going to call you out.  First, to the person who makes popcorn in the kitchen.  F*cking quit it already!  Yeah yeah we all love popcorn.  But NOBODY enjoys smelling it all throughout the office at work!  Why don’t you heat up some old salmon in the microwave while you’re at it?  There is literally nothing that has a stronger smell then popcorn, except for burnt popcorn which you also seem to enjoy making every other day.  How about for once you be considerate and just make your popcorn at home instead of ruining the smell of the ENTIRE office?  Just a thought.

And oh yeah, don’t think i forgot about you person who brings a cooler of food and then puts it in the refrigerator.  What’s a matter, you couldn’t think of anything more obnoxious then shoving a large cooler taking up all the room in a refrigerator that already keeps your food cold?  Do you not understand the purpose of a refrigerator?  It seems pretty self explanatory, but apparently you don’t understand the concept because you’re a moron.  Are you going to bring in your stove to keep in our microwave next?

And yeah i know it’s convenient for you to pack your lunch at home and then hog up the work fridge with your unnecessary cooler, but the rest of us think you are an a$$hole, and if your food tastes a little funny today it’s because i’m constantly opening your cooler and hocking big yellow globs of mucus all over it.  You’re welcome you big inconsiderate bag of douche!

A Great Name for a Punk Band! “The Caca Mamies”

Admit it, that one was FANTASTIC!!!

“Facebook Etiquette”-


-So for the record i don’t watch any of the “Housewives” shows.  And i DEFINITELY do not watch the one  with the Jersey wives.  But did you see that fight between Teresa’s and Melissa’s husbands last Sunday??  That was the best thing ever.  Mostly because Joe Gorga is a balding meathead who had NO CHANCE at beating his sister’s husband Joe up.  And yes it’s hilarious that both these Italian meatballs names are Joe, Italians are the funniest people ever.  But Joe Gorga KNEW he had no chance at beating up other Joe, so rather then fight him like a man he just charged Teresa’s husband knowing that it was his only chance…

Except it wasn’t!  Because other Joe totally stood his ground and took Gorga’s charge like a man, then he took Gorga and threw him against the window like a little bitch.  What an f’n MONSTER!  Teresa’s husband is NO JOKE, and Joe Gorga is very lucky he didn’t get beaten up even worse.  And not only did he get tossed like a bitch, he also got his black spray paint that he uses on his “hair” all over the place and on everyone who tried to break that fight up!  And i actually don’t really have a problem with Joe Gorga, other then the fact that he’s totally pu$$y whipped by his wife and she’s the reason him and his sister can’t reconcile.  But i am now the biggest fan of Teresa’s husband and would not mess with that guy in a million years.  Hopefully Joe Gorga learned that lesson as well!  And oh yeah i literally never watch that show…

– Speaking of Joe and Theresa, it would seem that it’s not the smartest idea to claim bankruptcy on a reality show where everyone watches you live in an expensive house wearing expensive clothes and expensive jewelry and going to expensive restaurants and expensive parties.  Because if you’re claiming you are bankrupt how can you do all of those expensive things?

Well apparently the IRS asked the same question, and after a little investigating and a big court case both Joe and Theresa are going to jail.  Not at the same time, because if you’re white and you are on television the courts will allow one of you to stay home to watch the kids.  Which i’m sure is something that is offered to all black parents when they happen to get arrested.  And i actually like Joe and Tre and think it sucks that not only do they have to go to jail but Joe is also going to get deported back to Italy once he’s done with his sentence.  But apparently only caring about material things and not trying to be a better person catches up with you, which is why our legal system looked these two Italian meatballs in the eye and said…


And that’s it for me today kids!  i hope i see you tomorrow night at the OL to watch Rob’s band, but if not i hope you have a great weekend and i’ll see you kids back here on Tuesday with an all new blog!**

Cya Tuesday!  @migueljose_85 on Twitter

* you will almost certainly regret it
** If i don’t get super lazy and forget to post it until Wednesday that is…


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