Who am i, what and why? ‘Cause all i have left is my memories of yesterday. Oh these sour times… ‘Cause nobody loves me, it’s true. Not like you do. – Portishead "Sour Times"

26 Sep

What is up kids?

So did everyone see that AMAZING game last night?!?  i mean holy cow what an incredible ending, it literally couldn’t have been more perfect!  But what else can you expect from such a classy World Champion?  i mean we all knew Eli would lead the Giants to a victory against those racist Washington Redskins because Eli is a TRUE New York sports hero!  Oh wait, what game did you think i was talking about?  A baseball game?  Who watches baseball anymore?  i was watching my G-Men smack Jewell’s Redskins around. Although i will say i sure do dig their new logo…
C’mon, JEWELL!!

Haha just kidding.  Of course i’m talking about Derek Jeter’s last game in the Bronx!  i only wrote that to make every single Yankee fan get angry for a second.  But i’m not one of those bitter Met fans that hate Derek Jeter.  i’m one of those bitter met fans that think Jeter is the epitome of class and one of the greatest sports icons of all time!  For real, it doesn’t get any classier then Derek Jeter!  And by “classy” i mean he always gives an autographed baseball to any of the random whorebags he bangs and then kicks out of his house.  Now THAT is classy!

And to you Yankee fans who want to shed a tear now that your baseball idol is gone, do not fret!  There are much bigger things to worry about in life, like the fact that no one cares about baseball anymore!  Or what about the fact that our country is in another war right now and we STILL let that walking pile of dog $hit Dick Cheney tell us what we should do even after he got EVERYTHING wrong with the first war he took us into?  Or how about the fact that many people believe in the bible, which for some reason says NOTHING about all of the other millions of planets and stars and galaxies there are in the universe and only talks about our small floating blue and green rock?  And oh yeah, when i said “millions” i really meant infinite!

But yeah anyways good for Jeets for going out on a high note, although for those of you calling it a “perfect” ending let’s not forget the fact that this over $200 million payroll team didn’t even make the playoffs for only the second time in Jeter’s career.  You would think a “perfect” ending would involve a World Series game of some sort.  Let’s just say last night was a “happy” ending for Jeter!  And i’m glad that all you Yankee fans got to give it to him!

But before we start this awesome weekend, i’d like to post an old bit i wrote about Jeter a year ago that just seems fitting to post again now.  It’s the least i can do as a Mets fan to show my respect to one of the greatest New York baseball players of all time.  Happy Friday everyone!

– So it’s very rare that i get to say goodbye to an “Icon” in these blogs, especially considering it feels like just yesterday that i did my best to give a “fond farewell” to  television “legend” Jay Leno.  But today i feel it is my “honor” to pay “tribute” to one of New York’s most “amazing” athletes of our time.  Derek Jeter not only won 5 World Championship Rings playing for the team with the highest payroll of all time, but even more importantly then that he was able to never get married and stay a bachelor, lining up a bevy of beauties that only Leo and Clooney can compete with.  And oh yeah the Indian guy from “That 70’s Show” has an amazing list too for some reason…

But if you didn’t hear the news, this “greatest Yankee of all time” is calling it quits after this season, so lucky for us we get to watch ANOTHER season of teams kissing ass and giving presents to another Yankee after watching it game after game with Mariano last year.  Can someone please tell me when this trend started in baseball?  Since when do teams do that for retiring players?  Or is that something just the Yankees made up?  Oh, just the Yankees do this kind of nonsense?  Oh well, they have the most championships and highest payroll in all of sports so i guess they can do whatever they want.  The same way i can say “good bye” to Derek in any way that i want on this blog, and in a way that i find very fitting right now. And that is to say to Derek Jeter, from the bottom of my heart….

– Since Jeter is all anyone can talk about today i figured i’d continue my “tribute” of the Yankee legend by posting some other bits i’ve written about him throughout the years on this blog. Which is why i’m reposting this:

The Money $hout-out of the Week-  So for no other reason other then i want to post hot pictures of someone, this week’s shout out goes to Minka Kelly!  i feel like no one talks about her anymore ever since she dumped Derek Jeter (and after she dumps him all of a sudden he breaks his ankle and is out for the rest of the Postseason.  Coincidence?) and it’s a shame because this girl has got the face of an angel and her body makes me want to do devilish things.  And by devilish things i mean i want to put my P in her V and cover her F and S with my Q as i R her H until my NB is completely drained.  But in a blog filled with nothing but bitchy complaining and bathroom humor the least i could do is post pictures of this Goddess and give a breath of sweet fresh air into everyone’s life…

Whoops, my bad. That wasn’t a bit about Jeter, that was about his ex girlfriend Minka Kelly.  My apologies!  Let me repost this OTHER bit that is completely about Derek Jeter!

The Money $hot-out of the Week- This week’s shout out goes to Minka Kelly, who besides being the hottest girl ever also made the smartest decision of her life when she dumped Derek Jeter.  She is WAY too hot for that guy!  Alright fine, maybe not the 1996-2000 Jeter when he was still young and fresh.  But an almost 40 year old Mr. 3000?  Sorry buddy, you’re past your prime, or “Hit the Wall” as they say.  Or as i say anyways.  But yeah Minka is on the Charlie’s Angels remake that is a new TV show in the fall, which makes perfect sense because she is as beautiful as an angel.  Holy S i should totally use that line when i meet her in person right?  i bet no one else will ever say that to her!  i gots mad game!

You’re welcome for that fitting tribute Derek, you deserved it!

– So is it me or does every girl on the planet think that they have a fantastic singing voice? It seems like they all feel this way, which is funny because pretty much every girl’s singing voice sounds exactly the same.  In fact, now that i think about it there are literally only 6 stand out woman singers ever.  Whitney, Beyoncé, Mariah, Christina, Aretha Franklin, and the lead singer of Portishead.  END OF LIST!  So I apologize to all of you ladies who aren’t one of those 5, but if you’re not one of them then you all sound exactly the same to me.  Although if it makes all of you little cupcakes feel better I think you’re all pretty decent! 🙂

Fast Food Tips – If this fall weather has you missing summer BBQ’s then you’re in luck, because Wendy’s has found a way to get you to try and recreate them in the most ghetto way possible!  Wendy’s is introducing their BBQ Pulled Pork Cheeseburger which is just their regular old ass cheeseburger with a slice of cheddar cheese, topped with what is sure to be nasty ass pulled pork and cole slaw as well as your choice of 3 BBQ sauces, sweet, smoky, and spicy.  Which is funny because those sauces were also my nicknames in high school Sophomore through Senior year. 

Anyways, I think this burger looks like garbage but my boy Bill H seems to be a huge fan of them so if you see him with bbq sauce all over his face then you’ll know why!  Although that still won’t explain why the sauce is all over his crotch…

Oh wait now I get it, he was f*cking the sandwich!  I guess it DOES explain it!

And that’s it for me this week friends!  i hope everyone has the best weekend, the weather is supposed to be super nice so make sure you go out and do something!  Or if you do stay inside go back and read some of my old blogs and/or watch both seasons of “VHS Breakdown” on Blip.tv.  Either way i’ll see you kids back here on Tuesday with an all new blog!

Cya, @migueljose_85 on Twitter


3 Responses to “Who am i, what and why? ‘Cause all i have left is my memories of yesterday. Oh these sour times… ‘Cause nobody loves me, it’s true. Not like you do. – Portishead "Sour Times"”

  1. Anonymous September 26, 2014 at 4:53 pm #

    Patsy Cline-Shirley Alston Reeves-Dinah Washington-Dionne Warwick-Brenda Lee better than any one you mentioned!!


  2. Johnny Lats September 27, 2014 at 12:43 am #

    A fitting tribute to a genuine superstar. Jeter is best in class, literally a f’ing legend to anyone who has a clue. Can’t say I ever saw him play baseball. But in the lat-conditioning community Derek Jeter is a storybook ending. Look at that rookie card- really no lats to speak of. But if you watch his upper body development over the years, time lapse if possible, you’ll see he went from zero to hero. Not many people know this, but he was a huge advocate of the ‘lats only’ approach. You think that guy waste time with leg extensions?! Gimme a break. The lat raise payz- incredibly efficient, and deadly with the women (pre-wall).


  3. Steven Clement September 30, 2014 at 12:15 pm #

    Reading “Later Jeter” in your “Later Dicks!” voice made me chuckle..


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