Kids are the only people in the world that you’re allowed to hit. Do you realize that? They’re the most vulnerable and they’re the most destroyed by being hit, but it’s totally okay to hit them. And they’re the only ones! If you hit a dog, they f*cking will put you in jail for that shit. You can’t hit a person unless you can prove that they were trying to kill you, but a little tiny person with a head this big that trusts you implicitly? F*ck them, who gives a $hit? – Louis C.K.

16 Sep


What is up kids?

So i’m guessing all of you heard the story about the NFL running back Adrian Peterson by now, but if you haven’t he is the star player who was suspended for apparently beating and leaving a mark on his 4 year old son using a stick this past summer. Peterson was indicted and released from police custody this weekend, and as of now he has been suspended by his team and was unable to play football this past Sunday.  Which i’m sure if you have him on your fantasy football team you were probably heated to find this little tidbit out…

And people are kinda on both sides of the fence of this one, with Liberals of course being OUTRAGED that a parent would ever hit a child!  And then there’s everyone else (including Peterson) who believe that what he did wasn’t really THAT wrong because that’s how he was raised growing up in Texas.  And even though he regrets that he may have seriously hurt his child, Petersen and many others believe that hitting children is how you discipline them with most people even having the same argument.  “That’s how i was raised!” 

And to me, this has to be the WORST reasoning for ever doing anything.  i mean first of all, do you really think that your parents are/were perfect?  Do you not realize that parenting is an inexact science, and that literally NO ONE has all of the answers on the correct way to raise a child?  How would such a thing be even possible?  EVERY child is different in what is effective and not effective in raising them, and any parent will tell you that what works for one child almost certainly won’t work the same way with another child.  And that’s even in the same family with the same two parents!  And why is that so?  i have no idea, and if i did know why then i’d have the secret to parenting, and you could bet your sweet a$$ that’d i’d be getting paid MAD loot for my knowledge and not giving away free ha ha’s twice a week on this blog.

And besides every child being different, why do people think that just because THEY happened to be raised a certain way that it HAS to be the correct and only way?  Everyone is so happy with how they turned out in this life, despite the fact that most people are clueless ignorant aholes who only believe what they are told.  So the first thing people need to do is get over themselves and realize that they aren’t that great.  But secondly and even more importantly, they need to be open to the fact that their parents were not perfect in raising them, and that they like everyone else who becomes parents must realize that all they can do is try to do the best job that they can and hope for the best.  Because that’s all you can really do as a parent, love and care for you child while trying to provide for them.

Personally i think it’s crazy to hit your child.  If you can’t think of a better way to “teach” your child other then with violence then you’ve probably got some other issues going on in your life and maybe you shouldn’t take out that frustration on an infant who’s probably too young to even understand what’s going on.  And if you’re a huge football player and you hit your child, even an apology like this doesn’t help anything in my eyes:

I never wanted to be a distraction to the Vikings organization, the Minnesota community or to my teammates. I never imagined being in a position where the world is judging my parenting skills or calling me a child abuser because of the discipline I administered to my son. 

I voluntarily appeared before the grand jury several weeks ago to answer any and all questions they had. Before my grand jury appearance, I was interviewed by two different police agencies without an attorney. In each of these interviews I have said the same thing, and that is that I never ever intended to harm my son. I will say the same thing once I have my day in court. 

I have to live with the fact that when I disciplined my son the way I was disciplined as a child, I caused an injury that I never intended or thought would happen.  I know that many people disagree with the way I disciplined my child. I also understand after meeting with a psychologist that there are other alternative ways of disciplining a child that may be more appropriate.

I have learned a lot and have had to reevaluate how I discipline my son going forward. But deep in my heart I have always believed I could have been one of those kids that was lost in the streets without the discipline instilled in me by my parents and other relatives. I have always believed that the way my parents disciplined me has a great deal to do with the success I have enjoyed as a man.  I love my son and I will continue to become a better parent and learn from any mistakes I ever make. 

I am not a perfect son. I am not a perfect husband. I am not a perfect parent, but I am, without a doubt, not a child abuser. I am someone that disciplined his child and did not intend to cause him any injury. No one can understand the hurt that I feel for my son and for the harm I caused him. My goal is always to teach my son right from wrong and that’s what I tried to do that day. 

I accept the fact that people feel very strongly about this issue and what they think about my conduct. Regardless of what others think, however, I love my son very much and I will continue to try to become a better father and person. – Adrian Peterson

Nice speech buddy!  It would have been nicer if there wasn’t a BRAND NEW story that just came out today saying that you physically beat another one of your children who was also 4 years old.  Apparently this well thought out apology that was written for you forgot to include the fact that this was not an isolated incident and that beating your kids is literally the only way you know how to parent.  And the only thing scarier then a huge beast of a man beating a 4 year old child are all of the parents who agree with his right to do so…

– Does anyone ever wonder why i always use symbols while writing curses?  Like why i always write “F*ck you you motherf*cking a$$hole piece of $hit!”  It’s not because i’m afraid of offending anyone, because clearly you can tell by most of the bits that i write that i don’t give a F*CK and i’ll write and/or say everything i gddman please.  It’s my blog and i do what i want!  And if you don’t like it you can get out!

But the reason i’ve always done this is because i used to work in a bull$hit corporate environment, and when you work at a place like that they do $hit like “flag” your emails looking for curse words and stuff.  So if you work in an awful place like that and you signed up to get my blog by email the way you can do on the right hand of this page then the email would get blocked and would not show up in your inbox.  And i definitely know all of you can’t wait to wake up and find miguel jose in your inbox so i got around it by using those symbols.  See, i’m funny AND smart!  And sexy!  Let me get in your inbox!

The Guy Who F*CKED Me In Fantasy Football This Week…  If there is one guy that is absolutely MURDERING me so far this year it has to be the only Mexican on my team, Tony Romo the QB for the Dallas Cowgirls.  This motherf*cker has Dez Bryant who is one of the top 3 wide receivers in the league, a top tight end in Jason Witten, a money receiver in Terrance Williams, AND one of the top running backs in the NFL Delmarco Murray, yet he apparently still doesn’t have enough weapons to score me more then 15 gddamn fantasy points.  It’s definitely my fault for believing in the preseason hype once again and drafting his dumb ass, but it’s more likely because i respect him so much for dating Jessica Simpson back when she was super hot.  Well played you big bag of douche, well played.
“OLD SCHOOL” NONSENSE – i feel like it’d be the money if some other country gave us a nice present, like the way France gave us the Statue of Liberty. i mean that’s what the statue is, it was a gift. But i guess countries don’t do that anymore?  That sucks, because that statue wasn’t even built here and it’s one of the most symbolic images that our country has. Although when i think about it, i don’t know what gift any other country could give us. i mean i guess it could be ANOTHER statue, but it’s kinda been done already. So what else could it be? Maybe like a big lake? i mean OBVIOUSLY they can’t transport a lake from somewhere else over here.  But maybe if they sent over a bunch of people to come over and spend a few years digging out and creating this HUGE ginormous lake that’d be money. And maybe the country that gives us that gift could be Mexico, and we could have Mexicans come over and build this huge lake and then they get to stay here afterwards! And maybe the whole point of this bit is that i’m trying to think of ways to get my cousin and Auntie from Mexico over here and i’ve got zero ideas and this is the best i could do. So if anyone’s got any other plans i can try i’m all ears!
How come when you go fishing you have to go SO gddamn early?  Like 5 am and bull$hit like that?  i’d be totally down to go fishing if i didn’t have to wake up so early.  But if my choices are to be on a boat before the sun comes up in the freezing cold, or passed out in my bed totally happy in dreamland i’ll take my bed for $200 Alex! Do fish really not eat all day from 8 am through 5 pm?  For real, these fish are just never hungry or ever want to eat at those times?  i can’t imagine that’s true, like maybe if most fish didn’t want to eat there would still be those fat f*ck fish that are down to eat all the time that you could still catch.  Do you think they have fat fish like we have fat people?  Because if they do have them i bet those obese aholes eat all gddamn day!  But yeah i’m sure there are all sorts of studies or actual facts to back up why i am wrong here but i still think i am right.
And that’s it for me today kids!  Please forgive if there are more spelling mistakes then usual, i have to post this before work and i don’t have time for my normal half ass proofreading.  But i hope everyone has a great week and i’ll see you all here on Friday for an all new comedy blog!
Cya, @migueljose_85 on Twitter.  And follow VHS BREAKDOWN on Instagram!


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