The first rule of Fight Club is: You do not talk about Fight Club. The second rule of Fight Club is: You do not talk about Fight Club. – Tyler Durden "Take a Guess…"

12 Sep
THE BLOG WHERE THEM’S FIGHTIN’ WORDS!
What is up kids?

Well it’s finally Friday, but for once i’m not that excited about it and i’m actually feeling pretty crappy.  Obviously not because it’s the weekend, because between that and finally getting to hang out with my girl those are about the only things that have me in a good mood right now.  Well that and the fact that i won 3 out of my 4 Fantasy Football leagues last week while getting high points in 2 of them.  Football is finally f*cking back everyone!
But yeah between troubles with my car, not having any money EVER and just life’s general miseries i’m in a pretty heated mood. So much so that i really feel like i want to fight someone right now.  Do i have any takers?  Does any one feel like going toe to toe, mano y mano against a pissed off Mexican?  Don’t let my old age and slight obesity fool you, if you mess with me i will f*ck you UP!!!  Let’s start a fight club right motherf*cking now!

Hey miguel! Why did you just post the same picture of yourself, TWICE?”  That’s not me you silly goose, that’s me AND Brad Pitt!  Man do i get that all of the time!  In fact, just the other day someone asked me how it felt to star in a movie role opposite Julia Roberts!

Nah, i’m just playing.  That wasn’t me in the film, and i don’t really want to get into a fight.  In fact, i’ve never actually been in a fight in my entire life.  Not a real one anyways, i mean of course i fought with my brothers growing up and just dumb wrestling with my friends and stuff.  You know, the kind of wrestling you do when you’re both drunk and not wearing any pants and you basically just scissor each other until someone submits.  Doesn’t everyone else just joke around with their guy friends and fight like that?  Their sexy, sweaty, pantsless friends?

 
That picture was awesome to look up on Google by the way.  But yeah i’ve never been in a fight, and at this point it’s safe to say that i don’t think i’m going to.  And why would i?  What is the point of fighting anyways?  To me it seems like a bunch of testosterone filled alpha male bull$hit and i don’t want any part of it.  i mean first of all, who am i going to get in a fight with?  Some random stranger that i don’t know?  Why would i possibly give a f*ck about something some guy i’ve never even met before talking trash to me?  How fragile is my ego that it can be shattered by a complete stranger that has never even met me?  i mean for real, i barely care about what my friends and family think about me, why would i let a random stranger’s words bother me?

Actually i’m just kidding about not caring about what my family and friends think, obviously i do.  Although by that rationale, that would mean my friends and family would be the only ones who could actually hurt me enough to actually want to fight them.  i mean i just said i would never fight a stranger because nothing they could say would ever bother me, so that must mean i would fight a friend and/or family member if they tried to hurt me, right?  Actually no, you’re not right, because i would never fight someone i love even if they hurt me.  In fact, i’d probably be too hurt and crushed and disappointed that a friend that i loved hurt me to have enough energy to want to fight.  Not that i think it would ever happen, because i surround myself with the MONEY people.  Even Johnny Lats!  

But to me, fighting shows that you are not smart enough to solve a problem with your mind and/or with words.  So instead you resort to physical violence which is what people that aren’t as smart as me seem to always do.  And i don’t want any part of that, and i don’t want any part of fighting.  Although i do want a part of this weekend, so i’m going to get out of this fighting mood and start getting ready to party because it’s gddamn Friday and i’m DEFINITELY smart enough to realize that! 

 
RANDOM NONSENSE

– Yesterday was 9/11, which means i have another chance to drop my favorite LATER DICK! of all time.  So here ya go America!

LATER DICK!

                        
i still can’t believe it’s been 13 years since 9/11.  What a crazy time, that literally changed everything for America.  i still can remember that day like it was yesterday, although that might not be saying much since i have no clue what happened yesterday.  And it definitely sounds like a cliche slogan but it’s definitely true, i’ll never forget…


A Great Name for a Punk Band!  “Hot Garbage” 

“OLD SCHOOL” NONSENSE- Do all of you know what catnip is?  Maybe you don’t, i mean i know i just found out.  And do all of you know how much i hate cats?  i f’n HATE them, hate them with a passion.  There has only been one ever that i liked, and it’s because it was a kitten and apparently kittens aren’t the worst.  She’s actually kind of fun, but gddamn it i hate to admit it.
Anyways, now i’m learning all these things about cats and one of them is that they LOVE catnip.  It’s like kitty crack for them, no joke.  Seriously, it’s like heroin, crack and cocaine all rolled into one.  Not that i would have any idea what it would be like to try all 3 of them in college that one night at that party in Pine Hall.  And it looks like weed, that’s the funny part. It looks like a bag of cat weed.  And the weird thing is that they don’t even eat it or nothing, it just drives them f’n nuts and it’s pretty funny to watch.  And oh yeah, did you know that when a cat gives birth they can give birth from up to 1 to 8 kittens in a litter, and they can have 2-3 litters per year?  And that kittens that are just born are called cubs, not kittens?  And did you know i still f’n hate cats?  Okay then.
Fast Food Tips – It’s football season, and in an effort to not just murder you but to murder your entire family McDonalds is currently testing a “family-sized” meal called the “Blitz Box.”  This 2940 calorie MONSTROSITY goes for around $14.99 in the Kansas City area, and it contains two quarter pounders with cheese, two medium orders of french fries, and a 20 piece Mcnuggets.  This “family” meal sounds good in theory, but the truth of it is every lonely fat guy in America is going to order this thing by themselves and eat it all while crying and possibly masturbating on their couch.  And NO i’m not the fat guy that’s going to do that!!  When i whack off to fast food it’s always Burger King, not McDonalds…
Fast Food Tips –  I’d don’t normally do DOS Fast Food Tips but this one is too funny not drop on you.  Burger King has just released it’s newest burger in Japan, and everyone from white cops in Ferguson Missouri to most Tea Party and Conservative Republicans as well as Donald Sterling already hate it and wish it would go away.  That’s because it’s the “Kuro burger,” which is a Japanese Black burger  that features a black bun, meat with black pepper and black cheese.  Apparently the bread and cheese contain bamboo charcoal which i’m told is popular in Japanese cuisine, and by “told” i mean i looked it up on Google.

This sandwich also has an onion-and-garlic sauce made dark with squid ink, which i’m told is commonly used for cooking, food coloring, and flavoring in Japan.  Sounds totally normal to me!  But i also think everything that happened in the movie “Battle Royale” was pretty normal so maybe i’m not the best one to ask about what’s normal in Japan…

 BK is offering two varieties of the Black, i’m sorry, the African American burger, the Pearl and the Diamond. The Kuro Pearl is filled with basic ingredients and the Kuro Diamond is spruced up with lettuce, tomatoes, and onions, which add a little color to the otherwise dark sandwich.  i have no idea what the point of this black burger is, but i already know it’s been stopped and frisked several times by the NYPD.  Which is racist against both black people and the Japanese!  What a burger!

And that’s it for me today kids!  i’m already in a better mood, probably because it felt so good to drop all of those fantastic ha ha’s for all of you!  But it’s time to start the weekend, it’s time to enjoy the fact that it’s Friday, Friday, getting down on Friday, so let’s get to it already!!!

Cya on Tuesday with an all new blog!  @migueljose_85 on Twitter

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