You know what they say, "There’s no reason to ever hit a woman." $hit, there’s a reason to hit everybody. You just don’t do it. $hit, there’s a reason to kick an old man down a flight of stairs. You just don’t do it. Ain’t nobody above an ass-whooping! – Chris Rock

9 Sep


What is up kids?

So have you seen the video of Ray Rice punching his then fiance now wife in the face yet?  i’m guessing you have, because if you’ve been on a computer and/or watched any television in the last 48 hours then you must have seen the gruesome footage by now.  But i’ll tell you one thing, you definitely won’t see it here.  This is a comedy blog kids!  i don’t need to watch that video over and over again the way the media thinks i want to.  He punched her out, and a man knocking out a woman is the lowest thing you can do.  i get it.  Next story please!

And i know everyone wants to condemn Ray Rice, because you are NEVER allowed to hit a woman.  EVER!!   But isn’t there a part of all of you that realizes that just MAYBE… she deserved it?  And i don’t mean there is anything a woman can ever do to deserve to be punched by a man!  That’s NOT what i’m saying!!!  What i’m saying is that this all happened in the now defunct Revel casino in Atlantic City.  And MAYBE Ray Rice lost a TON of money gambling all night.  And MAYBE his girl was saying stuff like, “See! That’s what you get for not leaving the tables earlier like i told you to do!  This is what you get for not listening to me you stupid idiot!  Now you lost all your money, and you didn’t win the Superbowl this year.  And i’m f*cking your brother Steve!”  i mean what if that’s what she said?  Would you at least understand a little bit why he hit her?

And why did Ray Rice get fired from the Ravens after that video came out?  And why did the NFL then also suspend him indefinitely?  i mean sure we all agree that what he did was f*cked up.  But before we even saw this new video didn’t we all already know that he hit her and knocked her out?  Did we really have to see the actual footage in order to realize that he should be punished?  For real i don’t get it, we all knew that he punched his then fiance now wife in the face before any of us even saw the video.  Was TMZ showing this new footage the only way for people to understand that what he did was unforgivable and that he should be kicked out of football?  How did everyone not realize this earlier? And how can none of you have zero clue on what i’m even talking about!

Actually no, i get that none of you understand the point i’m making.  i get that i’m the only person who thinks these crazy thoughts, and that there are zero among you that would admit to getting what i’m talking about. And i know it’s hard to make jokes about this kind of stuff, because hitting women is just not cool, so to try and use this to get a few cheap jokes in a blog rant is a pretty poor move.  But these were the thoughts that were roaming around my dome at the time i started this rant so this is what you get.  Happy Tuesday everyone!


– This next chart is pretty accurate except for the fact that is says nothing about the only true use for Solo cups is using them for beer pong…

A Great Name for a Punk Band! The Cooter Looters

“OLD SCHOOL” NONSENSE – i’m a full on coffee snob.  i’ll f’n admit it to you guys, i don’t care.  i mostly only drink Starbucks, but if i HAVE to i’ll order a Turbo hot from Dunkin Donuts,  which is their regular coffee with a shot of espresso which is the only way to make DD coffee drinkable to me.   i normally make my morning coffee at home before work,  but this week i ran out and was left with my “emergency coffee” which is Maxwell House or Foldgers or whatever garbage i’ve had in my cabinet for 10 years.  So i had to make that awfulness this week and it literally tasted like a homeless man’s taint and basically ruined my day.  So now i’m throwing it all out, because for real there is no point in even keeping that garbage in my house.  And yeah i guess that means i am a complete coffee elitist .  When it comes to coffee i am the 1%, which makes the rest of you poor schlubs who keep drinking your swill the 99%ers.  So enjoy your crappy coffee and oh yeah while you’re at it, get a job!

Fast Food Tips – Speaking of coffee, apparently 7/11 is selling $0.50 small coffees until September 14th, which is fantastic if you are a caffeine junkie but only walk around with change in your pocket.  i’m not even positive this counts as a fast food tip but whatever, it’s my blog and i think my fans enjoy a good deal when they see one.  So enjoy your cheap coffee my friends, but don’t buy me anything unless it’s a tall bold grande from Starbucks with room for milk!

And that’s it for me today kids!  i’m off to work early because like i said earlier i need to go buy good coffee.  But have a great day, stay out of the elevator with Ray Rice and i’ll see you kids on Friday!

Cya, @migueljose_85 on Twitter


One Response to “You know what they say, "There’s no reason to ever hit a woman." $hit, there’s a reason to hit everybody. You just don’t do it. $hit, there’s a reason to kick an old man down a flight of stairs. You just don’t do it. Ain’t nobody above an ass-whooping! – Chris Rock”

  1. Anonymous September 9, 2014 at 3:38 pm #

    WaWa coffee rules!!!! RL


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