Happiness does not depend on outward things, but on the way we see them. – Leo Tolstoy

15 Aug
 THE LAST BLOG i WRITE BEFORE TURNING ANOTHER YEAR OLDER…

What is up kids?

i’m not sure, but can someone tell me why cops are shooting unarmed black kids like hotcakes these days?  Whether it be choke holds to a guy whose biggest crime is selling loose cigarettes, or shooting an unarmed teen in Walmart that is holding a BB gun that is sold at the store, and then never releasing the name of the cop who shot him and then sending armed men with machine guns and tanks to a protest of said shooting, cops sure don’t look that great in the media these days.

That picture above DEFINITELY shows the correct response to a bunch of peaceful, unarmed protesters who are exercising their Constitutional rights to speak out against injustice!  It’s a good thing these cops responded the same way when there was an armed white militia pointing guns at the Bundy ranch!  Oh wait, now i remember.  Cops were nowhere to be found at the Bundy ranch.  How convenient!  Although i guess it makes sense, you wouldn’t want to send a bunch of cops dressed like this to a protest where white people have guns.  That might actually be dangerous!

And am i saying all cops are power hungry racist monsters?  No, of course not.  i know plenty of cops that are good people, and when most of them pull me over just for being a Hispanic driving a car in Bergen County they are very gentle with their cavity searches and even throw in a nice tickle to my taint here and there.  And to be honest even as i speak on these troubling issues i won’t even pretend to know all of the facts of these cases and/or try to make a strong point either way on who’s right and who is wrong.  Because i’m not going to sit here and pretend like i know everything that’s going on just to fit my own personal narrative and then pass on said ignorance to my readers.  i mean yeah i do that with pretty much every other rant/bit that i do on this blog, but not with this one!

 But despite all that i will say there is definitely something wrong with the police culture in this country.  And while it just may be a few bad apples that are ruining the bunch something still needs to be done IMMEDIATELY.  Like first off, why don’t the police have cameras with them all of the time?  Obviously they aren’t doing anything illegal if they are cops, what would they possibly be afraid of having on videotape?  And to all you people that are so in favor of people on welfare having to take drug tests before they can get any money, don’t you also believe police should film everything they do so that we can hold them accountable as well?  Or are you only concerned with poor black people spending money on alcohol and drugs, and not with the police being held responsible for their actions?  Seems just a tad hypocritical to me.

Although i don’t know, filming the police seems like it would make WAY too much sense which means it’ll probably never happen.  i mean yeah instead of just accepting the word of a man who’s in uniform seems to work fine for them now, but if we filmed everything the cops were doing then maybe we could have an objective look at the facts instead of just taking a policeman’s word for everything and assuming that cops would never lie.  For some reason that doesn’t make sense to me…

But whatever, enough of this garbage for one day.  i feel lucky and privileged that i can comment and joke about these issues without personally being involved or affected, but the truth is two people that didn’t need to die are now dead with one of them being a teenager.  A teenager that will never know what it feels like to turn 20 let alone 30, and that is a tragedy.

Although speaking of turning 30 my birthday is this Tuesday! Holy $hitballs everyone!  And to all of you taking bets that my obesity and sloth would have stopped my heart by now and that i would have never made it to this age well you can go suck it!  So enough with these tragedies for one day, and enough with the police brutality.   i’m just going to focus on my own happiness and the love that surrounds me and my family and my girl and my friends.  Because like we learned on the Series Finale of Wilfred that almost brought me to tears, happiness does not depend on outward things, but on the way we see them.

RANDOM NONSENSE

– So yeah forget my birthday this Tuesday, we’re only 7 DAYS AWAY before FXX airs EVERY. SIMPSONS. EVER!

And if wondering what my all time favorite episode is, and unless you hate comedy and awesomeness of course you are, my favorite/best episode of the Simpsons ever is “i Love Lisa,” the 15th episode of what most people consider the greatest season, Season 4.  If you haven’t seen this one you are kinda blowing it in life, but it’s the one where Lisa gives Ralph Wiggum a Valentine’s day card because no one else did and she feels bad for him and then he falls in love with her.  From top to bottom this is best episode i’ve ever seen, and if anyone disagrees or thinks otherwise please let me know in the comments here and/or on Facebook!

“OLD SCHOOL” NONSENSE – So when i buy eggs at the store i never check my eggs first to see if any of them are broken.  Is that what everybody does?  It seems like it would make sense to just give them a quick once over and make sure that none of the eggs you bought are broken already.  And i know that’s the smart thing to do and that i should do it every time.  But instead i’ve decided that i’ll just take the chance and hope for the best because i’m too stupid to take that 2-3 seconds to open the carton.  Am i the only one this lazy?  i don’t even really have a bit here, i’m just wondering.

“OLD SCHOOL” NONSENSE – Why do people only drink eggnog during the holidays?  I love egg nog, i think its delicious.  But other then Christmas and Easter i never let myself enjoy a glass.  Which is bull$hit because it’s delicious!  So why do i wait for it once a year?  Same thing goes for deviled eggs.  i LOVE deviled eggs but besides Easter i pretty much never eat them except on the rare occasion somebody really awesome makes them.   And again i don’t really have a bit here, it’s just odd to me.  Two fantastic egg treats, and for some unknown reason i only enjoy them semi-annually.
“OLD SCHOOL” NONSENSE – i think Egg rolls are weird and disgusting.  i always give them a chance, mostly because they come free with whatever else i order and i sure do love free stuff.  But ugh, i just can’t like them.  What are they anyway?  It’s like fried cole slaw and Chinese onions are weird stuff like cat and whatever, or at least that’s what they taste like to me anyways.  And i try to dip them in different sauces to make them better, but it is always still just kinda gross and i can’t eat more then one or two bites before i’m finito. 
And it’d be nice if i could substitute another free thing when i order Chinese food instead of Egg rolls since i don’t dig them.  Like i wish i could get boneless barbecue spare ribs instead or that garbage.  “But miguel they can’t do that, that costs so much more!  They’d never do that switch!”  That’s why i said “it’d be nice” ahole.  What am i not gonna wish for the best possible thing?  Please don’t take away my dreams people.
Fast Food FACTS Do you guys know how to tell if eggs are fresh or not?  i had a conversation recently about fresh eggs because i’m a stupid grown up now and that’s what stupid grown ups do.  But i was intrigued to hear how amazing super fresh eggs taste and now i’m kind of obsessed with them.  Anyways if you are obsessed with fresh eggs the way i am, here is a helpful chart to help increase your insanity!

Fast Food Tips – “Hey a$$hole!  That’s enough bits about gddamn eggs!  And these are all old bits that you’ve done already, how about something new you lazy unfunny basterd?!?”  True, i guess those last few bits do smell a little, rotten.  But yeah i agree, enough about eggs.  How about chickens?!?  Because if you haven’t heard Burger King has just brought back their “Chicken Fries,” which i’m guessing they’re doing because those lowfat garbage “Satisfries” they tried pushing on us a while ago were terrible and yet another marketing blunder by corporate douchebags who don’t understand the product they sell which is unhealthy awfulness.

BK describes them as “premium white meat chicken, coated in a light crispy breading seasoned with savory spices and herbs.” i describe them as unknown mystery meat coated in carby nonsense that in no way should be described using the words “savory” or “spices” or “herbs” or “chicken.”  But lucky for Burger King and all fast food places there is zero truth in advertising.  So enjoy your “premium” white meat chicken, which is obviously what America prefers over a healthier alternative.  
And oh yeah, here’s one last message to Burger King’s “healthy” Satisfries…

LATER DICKS!

“Here’s another question I have: how come when it’s us, it’s an abortion, and when it’s a chicken, it’s an omelet? Are we so much better than chickens all of a sudden?” 
– George Carlin

And that’s it for me today kids!  i hope everyone has a great weekend and if you’re around my house this Saturday i hope you stop by for my epic birthday party!  And by “epic” i mean i’m going to get really drunk and angry and probably pass out by 8:30 because i’m an old f*ck who can’t hold his liquor and never could.

But thanks for reading my blog, i hope i made you think and/or laugh at least once and please feel free to share with others that like doing those things as well.  It can be an early birthday present for me!  Although speaking of my birthday, i’ll see you guys next Tuesday when it actually IS my birthday!

Cya Tuesday, @migueljose_85 on Twitter


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