Here it is, the groove slightly transformed. Just a bit of a break from the norm. Just a little somethin’ to break the monotony of all that hardcore dance that has gotten to be a little bit out of control, it’s cool to dance. But what about the groove that soothes that moves romance? – Will Smith – "Summertime"

11 Jul

What is up kids?

i’ll tell you what’s up, it’s a motherf*cking beautiful summer Friday in July and it’s time to start the weekend!  What else could you possibly want in your life?  For real, all year people talk nonstop about how they CAN’T WAIT UNTIL THE SUMMER!!!  And now it’s here!  And the weather is beautiful!  And we’re about to start the weekend!  All of you should be so happy and excited for this weekend right now that you’re about to pop in your pants!! The crotch part of your pants should literally be covered in pop right now!!!

Personally though, i’m not the biggest fan of Summer.  Mostly because i’m a large man who sweats when it’s not humid out, let alone when it’s more humid outside then a Turkish bath house in Miami.  That’s the problem for most of us large people, we’re sweaty disgusting disasters in the summer and if it wasn’t for air conditioning i probably would have died a long time ago.

But to the rest of you summer lovers i hope you are enjoying every second of this.  And i really mean it too, because a lot of people spend all year waiting and hoping for this fantastic summer weather and then it gets here and you don’t do anything and instead just complain when it’s over.  Go to a happy hour tonight!  Go to the beach tomorrow!  Plan a picnic!  Go to a ball game!  Do all the things that you dream about all year during those miserable cold months and enjoy your life to the fullest this weekend!  Stop putting things off for tomorrow or next week, especially when you know the summer will be over before you know it!

And yeah maybe i’m telling you all to do this and i’m writing about this today because i’m hungover and didn’t know what else to write about anyway.  But the truth is i don’t think people allow themselves to be as happy as they should be.  Everyone gets so caught up with their jobs and bills and personal drama that sometimes they forget that this life we get is a gift and one that we should be happy and thankful for.  Even when things seem completely horrible, never forget that at least you’re alive to know those feelings and that one day these bad times will pass.  Sure it doesn’t feel like it now, but the problems you had a year ago or two years ago are not the same problems you have today.  So no matter what you’re going through now trust me, it will eventually get better.  i mean look at me!  Just a month ago i was an unemployed lazy Mexican with no jobs.  And now i’m a FULLY employed lazy Mexcian with a full time job!   Who would have thunk it??

Well the truth is i would have thunk it, because i believe in the power of a positive mind.  That’s why all of the people i hang out with are good, fun positive people.  Is there anything worse then hanging out with that one friend who is ALWAYS complaining and always miserable about something?  Or being around people that don’t get joy out of your happiness, and instead choose to point fingers and judge everyone and talk about how horrible everything is and never let themselves have any fun?  For real, don’t be those people!  Be someone who enjoys being alive, who realizes we only have a limited amount of time on this beautiful blue green rock that’s floating around the sun and enjoy this life as much as you can!  And if you haven’t been doing that lately then there is no better time then right now to start doing so.  Because like i said to start this blog,  it’s a motherf*cking beautiful summer Friday in July and it’s time to start the weekend!


– Speaking of being too big to enjoy the summer weather, did any of you know that i used to play baseball?  And did any of you know that i was on the cover of this month’s ESPN’s magazine? They asked me to be on it because even though i’m a large man they know that i’m completely comfortable with my body and also because i can hit a mean long ball with my thick bat.  And also because i’m pretty good at baseball!  But yeah just in case you missed it here i am in all of my glory!

– Can someone please tell me why this is the least watched episode we’ve ever done of “VHS Breakdown?”  i mean it’s “Better Off Dead” for crying out loud!!!  Do you people really not remember this movie?  And by “you people” i mean uncultured aholes, or at least baby girls under 30 years old.

But for real, it has the moneyest opening we’ve ever done, all of the jokes are about teen suicide in 80’s comedies, and it even has a Molotov cocktail for crying out loud!   What more do you people want??  i mean yeah i’m not at my funniest by any means and it definitely wasn’t my best performance and/or writing.  But other then that this episode is funny!  i think so anyway…

– Well i don’t like to talk politics on Friday especially during the summer.  But this quote kind of nails it…
“Facebook Etiquette”-

“OLD SCHOOL” NONSENSE – So do you guys think it is f’d up how funny i think it is to scare my dog with the vacuum cleaner?  Man do i get a kick out of that!  He’s a pretty big dog too, you would think he’d get mad or something.  But instead he turns into an immediate pansy whenever he sees the vacuum come out.  i don’t even have to turn it on!  Once he sees that “scary” machine he takes off up the stairs IMMEDIATELY.  And i have to admit, sometimes i take the vacuum out just to scare him because i can. Does that make me some kind of ahole?  Well i don’t care, it’s not my dog it’s my roommate’s.  Does that make me any less of a douche bag?  No?  Oh well.  i’m not going to change my behavior, i was just wondering.

It’s nice to hear about you vacuuming!  That’s what dirty Mexicans like you should be doing!  Although to be honest, i’d much rather have you mow my lawn, this way you wouldn’t have to come inside my house.  We kind of have a rule about having your kind in here!”  Wow.  i’d probably be offended at your racism if Hispanics weren’t taking over this country.  Keep making those immigration laws more lax my friends!  We were already coming over in droves when we weren’t allowed in this country anyway.  This just makes it all the easier to conquer you.  Viva Los Estados Unidos!

You don’t like it?? You can get out!!

Fast Food Tips – It’s 7/11’s birthday, and to celebrate they are giving away free small Slurpees today from…. wait for it… 7 to 11!  Which totally makes sense, but does anyone else find it funny that any 7/11 that is NOT open for 24 hours is a ghetto one?  i mean every 7/11 should be open 24 hours.  That’s the whole point of the store, is to head in there late night when you’re bombed and everything else is closed and then to make bad decisions like buying their disgusting hot dogs and frozen White Castle burgers that you heat up and eat and throw up when you get home.  Which makes any 7/11 that is only open from 7 to 11 a useless one, because if it’s 11 o’clock and there are other things open you might as well go there!

But yeah free Slurpees today so enjoy!

And that’s it for me today kids!  Although speaking of birthdays it is one of my special readers birthdays today and that’s Stefanie who used to read my blog all the time but i don’t know if she does anymore.  But even if she doesn’t she was a huge fan in the beginning when i felt no one else was reading it so for that i want to thank her and say happy birthday!! 🙂

And even if it’s not your birthday today it’s still a summer Friday in July so you might as well act like it is.  Drink your face off, forget your diet and eat whatever you want, go to Colorado where weed is legal and smoke your gddamn balleens off until you’re on another planet, and even if it’s not your birthday you should party so hard that you wake up in some unknown place in your birthday suit.  You only live once kids, so go out and do it up this weekend and i’ll see you on Tuesday with an all new blog!

And oh yeah, to anyone that was thinking “YOLO” when i said you only live once you are an immature silly basterd!

Cya, @migueljose_85 on Twitter

One Response to “Here it is, the groove slightly transformed. Just a bit of a break from the norm. Just a little somethin’ to break the monotony of all that hardcore dance that has gotten to be a little bit out of control, it’s cool to dance. But what about the groove that soothes that moves romance? – Will Smith – "Summertime"”

  1. Anonymous July 11, 2014 at 8:03 pm #

    1/4 lb big bites are $1 today also. My new move at 7-11 these days is to buy cool ranch Doritos and load free chili and cheese into the bag. It's the right move.


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