My slow flow’s remarkable… peace to Mateo, now we smoke weed like Tony Montana sniffed the yayo. That’s crazy blunts! Mad L’s, my voice excels from the avenue to jail cells. Oh my god, I’m dropping $hit like a pigeon. I hope you’re listenin’, smackin’ babies at their Christenin’ – Biggie Smalls

20 Jun
THIS IS POSSIBLY THE WORST BLOG I’VE EVER WROTE, READ ON TO FIND OUT WHY…

What is up kids?

So as far as i can remember i’ve never let anyone do a guest blog strip before.  i don’t think so anyways, if i did i’ve totally forgotten.  Does anyone remember?  Someone remind me if you know!  Actually, now that i think about it i’m pretty sure i have let someone write a guest blog.  Who the hell was it?  Does anyone remember?  Where the hell am i??

It’s funny you ask, because i’ll tell you exactly where i am right now i’m, “glamping” with my best friends for the 12th or so year in a row.  That’s right, i’m at my annual camping trip which no longer consists of camping at Camp Kittatiny or rafting on the Delaware.  Now we just rent a big house with bedrooms and a kitchen and living room and we cut out all of the getting douched outside by rain nonstop bull$hit.  We’re too old and too wise for that anymore!  Well at least too old…

Anyways, right now i’m either celebrating winning the tag team championship in beer pong and getting ready for the singles tournament while me and my boys are camping or…  actually that’s it.  That’s the only possible situation i’m in.  i won the tag titles with whoever my partner was and i’m waiting to win the Singles trophy today.  i’m writing this blog a week in advance and i’m already positive this is the only possible situation i will be in.  The only thing i might lose in is “Drink Ball” and that’s because that fillipino kid and Jewelessi are unbeatable.

But since i’m busy partying on vacation i thought today would be a good day to do a guest blog spot. And it’s a very special one because it is word for word a spam email i got the other day.  i almost never read these things but i randomly read this one and it was hilarious and i figured i’d borrow some of it’s funniness for my blog.  So enjoy today’s “rant” which is really just awful spam that was in my inbox.  Other then cleaning up some of the curses this is literally what i received word for word, spelling mistakes and all.  Enjoy!

Facebook

To thomas.stalcup@yahoo.com
BABE… i guess your not getting any of my email huh? ive been
tryign to email u so many times but this dam laptop is such a piece of
garbage and keeps freezing.. anyways how u been?
In case u dont know who this is its ME Adriana.. we used to chat a bit on facebook and then
I think u deleted me 😦 haha.. anyways guess what… I got 2 things to
tell u.. both good news.. 1) im single now.. yup me and my bf broke up
about 3 months ago… and 2) guess where im moving? RIGHT EFFING NEAR
U.. lol… ur actually the only person im gonna know there.. well 3
cousins too but i cant chill with them lol..
I remember when we chatted u told me u thought i was cute and u wanted to chill so now we finally
can HAHA! im kinda scared to move.. im hoping this email addy is still
the one you use and u can chat with me ebfore i get there.. maybe even
help me move my $hit in…are u still on facebook? i cudnt find ui was
soo confused…anyways im gonna need someone to show me the town and
take me out so u better be around bebe…
we only chatted a couple times but i remember thinking to myself i wanted to get ot know u
better when i was single..a nd i thoguth u were cute too but cudnt
tell u cause i wasnt single lol…ok so more info about me.. well im
23.. virgo.. love the outdoors and love to socialize, go out for
drinks, restaurants, movies etc.. travel.. i have a lil kitty named
BOO and i luv her to death… uhhh oh im a super horny gurl too but
every gurl is they just wont admit it. so ilove watching p0rn and all
that.. love sex etc blah blah blah…who doesnt..
I really hope we get a chance to chat for a bit either online or on the fone before i get
there enxt week.. i hope u remmeber me and still wanna chill and arent
married yet lol.. OH YA also.. i need to find a job when i get there..
do u have any hookups or know anybody hiring? id LOVE to work in a bar
or osmehting like that…really anythgin cause my current job is fun
and all.. and technically i CUD keep doign it but i want a change.. i
currently work from home and well thats cool but i need ot be out
meeting people.. oh wait. i dont think i ever actually told u what i
did? hmm shud i……???? ok WELLLL… and dont get all weirded out
on me.. i work on a webcam chat community site and i get paid to chat
with people and get naked HHAHA… BOMB right :)? I KNOW.. like i
figure iim horny anyways why not get paid to chat with people and play
with myself heheh…anyways i hope u dont look down on that and NO
THATS NOT WHY IM CONTACTING U RELAX URSELF lol… i actually need help
once i move and i remembered u live there so im reaching out….like i
said before this computer is a complete piece of CRAP and freezes NON
STOP.. ive tried ot send this email to u maybe 3 times already and im
hopign this time i can hit SEND before i run into trouble lol..
ANYWAYS.. heres the deal….every month natalie (my boss) gives each
of us 3 VIP codes to give out to whoever we want.. so with this code u
can lgoin to watch me at work for free and dont have to pay like
everyone else… the only way i can give u one of the codes (so we can
chat) is if you absolutey DO NOT give it out to anyone else and u ONLY
USE IT FOR URSELF… i only get 3 a month and she gets pissed if more
than 3 people use them so DONT SHARE IT MISTER… i figured u cud
always email me back instead but my email account doesnt even let me
login half the time.. so the bets palce ot chat me is my chat room…
if theres anyone else logged in when u sign in ill boot them out.. but
remember DONT SHARE THIS PASSWORD PLEASE BABE IM BEGGING U.. I TRUST
U… im online most of the day now to try and save money for my move..
also since im in such a huge debt already form my student loan 😦 I
really thingk we need to chat before i get there and make sure u evern
remember me hahha.. anyways ive rambled on and on now and ur probably
soooo annnoyed with me so ill stop now.. im gonna go start work.. i
really hope u come chat me. it wud make my day and releive a lot of my
stress about the move… REALLY i mean that….anyways once i see u in
insdie ill shoot u myc ell number and u can gimme yours.. if u dont
wanna come chat i understand but its really the only palce to find me
now days.. if u email me abck ill probably get it once i get there
after my internet is setup so about 2-3 weeks fomr now.. but im hopign
to see u in my chat room.. rmemeber its 100% free with this code im
gonna give u.. just DONT GIVE IT OUT OR ILL KICK U IN THE BALLS
INSTEAD OF LICK U IN THE BALLS WHEN IS EE U hahahahha…k babe im out
for now… chat ya soon.. kisses xoxo Adriana
MY PROFILE HERE –> ——>>

Man i thought my spelling and grammar was horrific!  Feel free to click on that link above if you like computer viruses, or sexual viruses as well i guess haha.  But good luck Adriana, whoever you are.  Your father must be proud! 

RANDOM NONSENSE

–  Did i mention last blog that the New York Rangers lost in the NHL Playoffs?  i feel like i didn’t and that there’s a chance some of you might not believe me.  So here’s some more visual proof! 


– So if you’re a fan of this blog and let’s be honest there’s literally no reason why you shouldn’t be, you might remember that for the first few years of this blog me and my boys were still camping at Camp Kittatinny.

But yeah we’re done with that nonsense now.  Not that it wasn’t fun, that place can be the money especially if you’re younger.  But literally EVERY YEAR WE WENT it f’n RAINED like the world was ending!  And all the tarps and tents and alcohol couldn’t stop the nonstop rain that flooded our camp grounds, and our hearts.  So after years of doing our best to keep camping at Kittatinny and sneaking a cooler of beer onto the raft when we…

Sorry, i can’t finish this bit right now.  Or this blog for that matter.  i did about 10 shotguns of last night and also played a sick amount of beer pong games and am a dying hungover mess who’s about to throw up and then pass out.  So here’s a few old school nonsense bits for you and i’m going to call it a day.

“OLD SCHOOL” NONSENSE – What’s with girls and all this feather in their hair nonsense?  i honestly will never get women, they are always doing things to distract guys from how naturally beautiful they are.  “Look at this colorful feather in my hair!  Check out all my crazy tattoos!  They are fun and different!”  Well i was staring at your fantastic boobs and that nice a$$ but i guess i can look at that unicorn as well…   But yeah i don’t know when or how this feather thing started but it is just okay at best.  i don’t hate it but it really does nothing for me and it’s kind of silly. 

“OLD SCHOOL” NONSENSE – Who designed martini glasses? i’m guessing a$$holes.  Don’t get me wrong, there ain’t nothing wrong with getting down and dirty with a dirty.  But these glasses are shaped so that it’s basically impossible to do anything but sit there and drink slowly unless you want to pour half that $8 drink all over the place.  Oh so now i get it, they do that so you spill it and have to order more of them.  They really ARE designed by a$$holes.  It makes much more sense to me now.  Carry on.

Fast Food FACTS:

So i was debating not even posting this blog today but whatever i hope you all got some laughs out of my C+ effort today, possible C minus.  But have a great weekend, congrats to everyone who’s a teacher and celebrating their last day of school and if i make it through this weekend alive i’ll update you on what else happened this weekend on Tuesday!

Cya, @migueljose_85 on Twitter

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One Response to “My slow flow’s remarkable… peace to Mateo, now we smoke weed like Tony Montana sniffed the yayo. That’s crazy blunts! Mad L’s, my voice excels from the avenue to jail cells. Oh my god, I’m dropping $hit like a pigeon. I hope you’re listenin’, smackin’ babies at their Christenin’ – Biggie Smalls”

  1. the Bwr June 20, 2014 at 4:45 pm #

    Its ok , I read this in the bathroom so I could deal with two shitty things at once. Be more gooder…. And I saw what you did with that bowl of jello Kent..

    Like

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