I know sometimes I act stupid and I say stupid things, but you kept me around and other people would have said "drop that bum". You give me respect. You know it’s kinda hard for me to say these kinda things, cuz it ain’t my way. But if I could just unzip myself and step out and be someone else, I’d wanna be you. – Paulie "Rocky IV"

3 Jun

What is up kids?

So i have to say i absolutely love this blog.  Not so much in an ego maniac who’s in love with his own comedy kind of way, although i’m not denying that either.  But i love this blog because i can do whatever i want and say whatever i want, and i can write whatever i want as well.  Any rules i choose to follow are my own, and i promise that even if those rules don’t make sense to you that there is a method to my madness.

For example, have you ever noticed that i use a lowercase “i” every time i write it?  Or that any time i write my name i use lowercase as well, such as “i know that miguel jose is the gddamn MONEY!!!”  Have you all noticed that and just assumed that i’m too lazy to capitalize that “i” and/or that i’m just a $hitty writer?

Well you couldn’t be farther from the truth, because every single one of those lowercase “i’s” are there for a reason.  And it’s a reason that stems back from when i was in high school back in 1963.  i do that because as a writing tool i’ve always enjoyed the technique of using lowercase “i’s” when referring to yours truly as a way to put less importance on myself and to not sound pretentious.  It was something i learned in my Creative Writing class and i just dug the idea and i’ve always stuck to it.

Oh really?  Because no one would think twice if used capital letters, but instead you are making them wonder what type of horrifically terrible writer would use lowercase letters and now in turn you have become a pretentious bag of douche.  And oh yeah, speaking of writing TOOLS you’re the biggest one i know!”

Again, i’m not arguing any of those points.  All i’m doing is explaining my “technique” to those of you who might pay attention to those things, or notice any of the other “liberties” i take when writing this blog as well.  Because i don’t follow “APA” style, i use mad slang whenever i want, and i use abbreviations whenever i f’n feel like doing that $hit.  And you know that one rule about not using double negatives?  i ain’t never not followed that bull$hit rule not once on my blog never!

And i write in this fashion for a few reasons, one of which is that i do enjoy upsetting those Grammar Nazi’s.  It’s not even so much because it bothers them when people write using the wrong grammar, it’s that they can’t help but correct you right away instead of just ignoring the mistake.  These people are SO in a rush to tell you the right way to write that they never bother paying attention to the point you’re trying to make regardless of how gooder it is!

And i just don’t have time for that on my comedy blog.  Apparently i do have time for nazi symbols and Hitler babies, but worrying about my grammar every step of the way in my comedy blog does not interest me.  Besides, how many other rules and laws do we as a society have to follow all the time?  From the rules from the government and at your job and when driving on the road.  Certain “etiquette” you need to follow eating dinner in a public place or even on Facebook.  Then there are certain ways you need to act around your different friends, because your one friend you can go shopping with but you can’t make f’d up jokes around her and the other one you can make any kind of f’d up jokes you want but you’d better realize that guy is going to tell EVERYONE else what you said…

There are SO many gddamn rules we need to follow kids!  And while out in the real world i have to try my best to follow them all even though i don’t want to, on my blog i’m gonna do whatever i gddamn want!!!  So hopefully you can get past that and enjoy all the free ha ha’s i bring to you twice a week, along with some of the knowledge that i try to pass on to all of you as well.  And if you can’t get over the fact that i use lowercase “i’s” and write in slang instead of APA style well then suck my balleens and smell my taint because miguel jose ain’t never not gonna stop doing what i want never!!!


– Well it’s Tuesday which means we are only TWO DAYS away from the VHS Breakdown Season Finale!!  And after just watching it for the first time yesterday i have to say it’s an incredible piece of comedy that really is the masterpiece to end our season.  Which is saying a lot, because i wasn’t sure anything could top last year’s EPIC finale when we reviewed “Revenge of the Nerds”

But we did top it, and this Thursday’s finale is the culmination of an amazing Season Dos and just a ton of hard work in general.  Hopefully we make this look easy and fun to do because i guarantee you’d all be surprised on just how long it takes to complete each episode let alone the Finale.  Forget what i do, Rob must have spent 25 hours editing “Rocky IV” and i’m not exaggerating in the least.

But i hope you all watch it by going to Blip.tv/VHSBreakdown or by checking it out on our Facebook page at www.facebook.com/VHSBreakdown as well, and if you could please share our show with any of your friends and family who LOVE 80’s movies and sarcastic comedy it would be much appreciated by us.  We’re both extremely proud of our show, and we are not ashamed to say we’re also it’s biggest fans!  A statement that is both sad and true.  Except it’s not sad, because even if we weren’t the creators of VHS Breakdown we’d still be the biggest fans ever!  So please watch and enjoy the Season Finale of VHS Breakdown this Thursday at 4:20!

– Speaking of “finales” i really do think Rocky IV is going to be a happy ending to our season.  And speaking of “happy endings” here is a new picture of Kate Upton because LORD knows i haven’t been putting up nearly enough pictures of her lately!!!

-“OMG miguel you are so gross!  That girl is only 21 years old!”  Yeah?  So what’s your point?  i’m pretty sure the legal age in this country is 18 (even younger in some states), and this girl is three whole years older then that.  What is this, a test of morality?  Because i think being moral means abiding by all of the laws of your country, and i am breaking zero laws by admiring these amazing pictures of this young, legal American woman.  And not only is she totally legal, i think i’m being a patriot by following the laws of the country that i love.  Some might even call me a hero!  So unless they raise the legal age of consent, everything that i’m doing in this blog is not only right but honorable.  God i love this country!  Let me know when you guys are throwing the Seal Team Six and miguel jose American hero parade!  USA! USA!

A Great Name for a Weatherman!– “Dre Drizzle”

“OLD SCHOOL” NONSENSE –  It’s gotta be rough if you are the “tall” guy at a show or concert.  Because what can you do?  Obviously you’re already pretty caught up being that your 6 foot 7.  Should you just not go to see any bands or movies that you like?  Of course not, go to the concert tall guy!  Just do so knowing that EVERYONE standing behind you is miserable and annoyed and depressed that their show is ruined.

And normally i’d feel bad for you tall fools but it’s a known fact that any tall guy can bang any tall girl.  Seriously, tall girls are super insecure and the only thing they want/need is to be with a guy who’s taller then her no matter what he looks like.  So sorry you’re the a$$hole at concerts but enjoy banging a decent amount of the population with zero effort!!

Fast Food Tips –  In attempt to speed up the process of killing me by ruining my organs and destroying my colon KFC is bringing back their “Chicken Waffle Tenders” which are basically fried chicken fingers with a touch of syrup to make it feel like you are eating chicken and waffles.  And if that’s not enough they also give you a honey maple dipping sauce so that any chance of your arteries not clogging while you eat these and ending your life with a sudden heart attack is now gone.  And i definitely don’t want to die but for only $5.99 and you get fries and a biscuit?  i’ll see you in hell a$$holes!
And that’s it for me today kids!  Holy S balls that was some funny stuff, and i have to say educational as well.  But i hope you all understand my writing style a little better now, and more importantly i hope you all tune in this Thursday for the Finale on Blip.tv!  i thought we were going to have a little viewing party at the 9 Iron Grille on Thursday but we couldn’t pull it together, so instead you’ll just have to watch on your computer or phone or apple tv or whatever gadget you watch this stuff on now.  
But have a great week everyone, i’m taking Friday off to celebrate the finale of a LONG season and i also have some other stuff going on too.  But be good and i’ll cya next Tuesday with an all new blog!

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