A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over, there’s nobody’s home…" I went over. Nobody was home. – Rodney Dangerfield

13 May


What is up kids?

Speaking of kids, it’s an absolute atrocity what has happened to those school girls in Nigeria.  i’m assuming you’ve all heard about this story by now, especially because of the #BringBackOurGirls Twitter campaign that everyone from Justin Timberlake to Michelle Obama has participated in.  But just in case you’ve been living under a rock the last few weeks here’s an article that sums it up pretty well.

It’s really just a terrible story, and until people started this online social media campaign to bring awareness to the situation there really wasn’t enough being done by the Nigerian government or our own quite frankly.  And for once the Interwebs were used for something other then cat videos and porno, and that’s a good thing right?

Apparently not if you’re a Conservative Right wing nutjob, because they couldn’t WAIT to make fun of Michelle Obama for doing this!  “Does she really think using HASHTAGS will make a difference?”  What have we come to where we’re using TWITTER to try and save the world?”  “How stupid is our First Lady???”

And while it’s true that those specific quotes were just made up by me and weren’t from anyone in particular because i’m too tired and lazy to look up the real ones, all you have to do is look up what that racist bitch Anne Coulter said or that drug addict fat f*ck Rush Limbaugh spewed on his radio show to see that what i quoted wasn’t far off at all.  Because of course these partisan bags of douche have to attack the Obamas over ANYTHING they do, even if it’s trying to bring awareness to a terrible situation such as this one.  Case in point, here is this skeleton in a blonde wig Coulter’s attempt to be funny and make fun of Michelle Obama.

OMFG that’s f’n HILARIOUS!!!  Michelle Obama and people around the world are trying to bring awareness to a tragic situation and you decide to make fun of that and once again push your one sided political agenda instead!  i need to take a break from writing this blog because i’m laughing so hard!!

Except the truth is that this movement DID make a difference.  And the Nigerian government that was trying to downplay this whole incident had no choice but to publicly address the issue.  And now they are working harder then ever with the United States government to try and find these brave girls, a move that wouldn’t have happened unless the people spoke loud enough to make it happen.  So maybe Coulter shouldn’t have been a piece of $hit and try to make fun of Michelle Obama, maybe she should have at least pretended to have a soul and shut her idiot f*cking mouth for once instead of trying to make everything so political.  And maybe Rush Limbaugh should choke and die on all of the illegal prescription drugs he steals from his maid and the world could be a better place without his putrid hatred of this country filling the airways.  i can dream, can’t i?

If there is any good news out of this horrific story it’s that awareness has been brought to this topic and now the people that were trying to just ignore the situation can do so no longer.  So hopefully these girls end up okay, and i will continue to hope and pray for their safe return since that’s all i can do.

Although one other thing people can do is use Photoshop to make fun of this load that should have been swallowed, and lucky for me the Interwebs stepped in and destroyed this bitch the way that i was hoping they would.  So enjoy these new “messages” that the wonderful world wide web decided would fit better for this human pile of dog excrement, because for once i couldn’t agree with what Anne Coulter is trying to say more! 


– So i have to imagine that EVERY time someone sees Aaron Paul out in public or anywhere really that they probably yell “What’s up BITCH??!?!”  And also probably “Science BITCH!!!”  And by probably i mean definitely.  And it’s probably getting really f*cking old to him, and he probably really wishes people would stop.  And by probably i mean one day he’s going to snap and kill somebody who calls him “bitch” at the wrong time and i for one will understand it.

– Speaking of “Science Bitch” did everyone see my review on “Weird Science” this season?  It was our third episode of Season Dos although it was the first one that we filmed and it shows.  If you missed it you should probably watch it here now!  And by probably i mean WATCH IT NOW BITCH!!

“OLD SCHOOL” NONSENSE – Speaking of racists like Coulter and Limbaugh, this next bit goes out to any of my friends who’ve ever told me “You’re the whitest Mexican i know!!” That is not only the most racist ignorant $hit i’ve ever heard, it is also hurtful and mean.  i mean yeah i don’t speak Spanish and i can’t even impersonate the accent.  And yeah i like Pearl Jam and Beck and my favorite shows are “Lost” and “Breaking Bad.”  And yes i’ve never dated a Hispanic girl before nor have i ever been to Mexico.  And to top it all off i hate soccer and think it’s a sport that only children should play because grown men shouldn’t waste their time on such a lame activity.

My point is that just because i do none of that does NOT make me white!!  By saying that to me you are basically saying that all Mexicans HAVE to speak Spanish and like futbol and eat tacos and wear sombreros and if they don’t do that they are white.  So by saying that you are a dirty racist white motherf*cker who thinks all of us Hispanics should be exactly the same. So i know it’s hard but you’d better get used to the fact that not all of the bull$hit stereotypes you have in your head are true , so put that in your little righteous judging stereotypical pipe and smoke it you narrow minded jerk weeds!

“OLD SCHOOL” NONSENSE DOS – So i tried that Jose Cuervo “Cinge” tequila and i have to say it was pretty fantastic.  Maybe not as money as Fireball Whiskey, but considering i never drink tequila and i actually really enjoyed this i have to admit it’s made me a huge fan.  What i wasn’t a fan of was throwing up into the bowl all night to the point that the blood vessels in my face popped and i looked like a big blotchy bag of douche.  But what was my other option, to not drink shot after shot of it?  Doesn’t sound like any option i’d ever take.

Fast Food FACTSDid you find the MILLION dollar record from McDonald’s “new” contest in your Sunday paper?  If you still have it in your recyclables go check it out, it looks just like this!

Or don’t check it out, because this contest actually happened back in the 80’s.  And while i don’t remember much of that decade besides it’s movies for some reason i do remember this nonsense.  Every Sunday paper had this record, and it contained a song that had EVERY menu item that McDonald’s had on it.  If you don’t remember it goes like this!

“Big Mac, Mc DLT, a Quarter-Pounder with some cheese, Filet-O-Fish, a hamburger, a cheeseburger, a Happy Meal, McNuggets, tasty golden french fries, regular and larger sizes, and salads, chef or garden or a chicken salad Oriental. Big-Big Breakfast, Egg McMuffin, hot hotcakes and sausage, maybe biscuits, bacon, egg and cheese or sausage, danish, hash browns too, and for dessert: hot apple pies, and sundaes three varieties, a soft-serve cone, three kinds of shakes, and choc’laty chip cookies, and to drink: a Coca-Cola, Diet Coke, and orange drink, a Sprite and coffee, decaf, too, a low fat milk, also an orange juice. I love McDonald’s good time,great taste, and I get this all at one place.  The good time great taste of McDonald’s.

Does ANYONE remember this song?? No??  Oh well, i do and i thought it would make a funny Fast Food bit but apparently i was wrong.  Wouldn’t be the first time!

And that’s it for me today kids!  i don’t always try to talk politics on this blog even though i follow them daily and have a ton to say on them, but this Coulter Limbaugh bull$hit really rubbed me the wrong way.  i have no problem with people who have different political opinions then me, but these two are examples of what’s wrong in this country and how not to have a respectful political discussion.  

In fact, Rush Limbaugh is pure evil and when he does finally succumb to that long awaited heart attack that we all know is coming i will probably throw a party at my house.  And i know there are a million others that are way worse then him dying to fill his oversized seat, but it will make me feel good when someone who spews such vile hatred is no longer breathing the same air as me.

And on that note i hope you all have a great week and don’t forget to watch an all new VHS BREAKDOWN this Thursday at 4:20 on Blip!!

Cya Thursday on Blip and Friday for an all new blog!!  @migueljose_85 on Twitter


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