You want to know what it’s like having 5 kids? Imagine you’re drowning, and then someone hands you a baby. – Jim Gaffigan

7 Mar

What is up kids?

i’ll tell you what’s up, there’s a whole lot of bad parenting going on these days and we’re finally starting to see it pop up all over the news.  Although let me be upfront, i am not now nor have i ever been a parent, despite a continuous life regimen of practicing the act of making babies throughout the years both with a partner and while by myself.  So that being said, i’m sure some of you actual parents will get mad that i have the cojones to even comment on the subject.

But not having experience in something doesn’t necessarily mean i can’t talk about and/or act on it.  i mean just look at George W. Bush and Dick Cheney.  Cheney NEVER served our military and W did his best to escape his duty from the National guard, yet we let those two send people’s children to die in a never ending war that they lied to us about.  So i feel like i should be able to talk about parenting all i want, at least i won’t be killing innocent people in the process!

So yeah speaking of parents, has everyone heard about this NJ teen girl who is suing her parents to pay for her living expenses and her school bills?  Apparently this girl moved out at 18 years old because she didn’t want to live by her parents rules anymore, rules that also included her breaking up with her boyfriend that her parents didn’t believe was a good influence.  And all of this sounds like pretty normal stuff until you hear that this girl ended up suing her parents though her friends dad who paid for the lawyer, the same friend she has been living with since she left her parents.

And now EVERYONE on the Interwebs is DESTROYING this girl!!  Just go to any news story on the subject and check out the comment section.  Every comment is, “That spoiled brat!!  How dare she sue her parents!  She’s 18, it’s time she found out what responsibility is!!  i hope they put her in jail just for trying to sue her poor parents!  What an ungrateful bitch, i hope she gets what she deserves!!!!”  And all i can say is relax you angry people, she’s just a gddamn kid for goodness sake!  i mean look at that face!!

THIS is the girl that’s causing all of this controversy??  She’s just a little baby girl!  And it’s because of that fact that i disagree with EVERYONE who is trashing this young teen, and it’s also the reason i think everyone needs to get off of her back.  Well everyone besides her boyfriend i mean..

But honestly, there is nothing that makes most people feel better then getting to judge others and to point fingers at them.  It’s so easy to look at this case and see how ridiculous it is and get mad at this little girl.  But that’s just the point, she’s only 18 years old!!!  Do you know what i was doing at 18?  Besides illegally drinking enormous amounts of alcohol and pledging fraternities at college and smoking things that were definitely NOT cigarettes i was involved in all sorts of immature $hit.  And while i doubt any of you were as crazy as me growing up, my guess is if you looked back at yourself at 18 you might be just a LITTLE embarrassed at some of things you got into.

The big difference though is that when we were kids we didn’t have the internet to document every gddamn stupid thing we did.  And thank God for that!  If i grew up the same time as YouTube being around there would be SO many awful incriminating photos that i would never be able to leave the house or see any actual human beings.  And i’m sure i’m not the only one who thinks this.  If some of you ladies happened to be younger when cell phones could take pictures and videos i’m sure there’d be at least a few nudie selfie’s of yourself floating around the web for the rest of eternity.  Mostly because let’s face it, you were super hot and you deserved to take that picture!  But more importantly you didn’t understand what “forever” meant when you were younger, so taking a sexy selfie is something you probably would have done.

Because kids just don’t and can’t get this concept!!  You don’t get what “forever” means when you’re a kid.  Forever to a kid means the amount of time from freshmen year of high school until senior year, that’s what FOREVER means.  But now that i’m an adult?  4 years flies by like it’s nothing.  i have really good friends i haven’t seen in 4 years, but to me it doesn’t feel like forever.  It’s more like “Oh man it’s been a hot one since i talked to my friend, i should probably send them an email or text or something.”  And the next thing i know it’s been another 2 years that passed and all of sudden my life is just flying by…

But the point is, she’s just a kid.  And i know everyone likes to look back and say, “i was never disrespectful to my parents like that!!!” And besides that not being true it also doesn’t mean that gives you the ability to point fingers and blame that girl for what’s happening.  Because maybe it’s true you would have never acted like that because your parents raised you right.  And good for your parents, they did what they are supposed to.

But when i read this story i couldn’t help imagining the kind of parents who would do ANYTHING their kid wants, which seems to me the majority of parents these days.  If their kid want a million different toys then they get them all the toys they want.  If the kid only wants to eat chicken mcnuggets and french fries for every meal then so be it, that’s what we’ll make them!  All of these newer parents do EVERYTHING their kids want, so is it any surprise that they grow up and don’t have any respect for their boundaries?  Makes sense to me.

Picky eaters are the best example of that, because i can’t imagine being allowed to be a picky eater.  i am constantly surrounded by these new parents who go through great lengths to make food that their children will eat.  “Little jimmy only likes pizza and french fries so that’s all we make for him!”  Oh really?  You’re asking a child what THEY like to eat?  Has it ever occurred to you that they’ve been on this planet for less then a handful of years, and trusting what they like to eat might not be the best plan?  When i was growing up i had one choice for dinner, well actually two choices.  It was eat what my parents made or starve to death.  My mom didn’t get all worried and try to make something little miguelito would eat!  We were just happy and grateful to have food on the table.

But my point on all of this is the reason i am the person i am today is because of my parents.  i mean i definitely had my issues when i was a kid, in fact i was a horrible a$$hole.  But because of the values and respect my parents instilled in my when i was younger i actually grew up to be a pretty decent person and i have them to thank for that.  So when i hear this story about this troubled girl i don’t immediately start blaming her and cursing her out, my first thoughts are actually what bad parenting she must have received to grow up to be that way.  i mean yeah i’m sure those parents might be nice people, but being nice doesn’t mean you’re a good parent.  Plus this girl has her friends father telling her she should sue them, so if anything people should be going off on that money grubbing ahole friends dad and not this young girl.

But whatever, if it makes you feel better to yell and scream at an 18 year old princess then go right ahead.  You obviously have your own issues, so if bullying a young teen instead of questioning her mom and dads parenting skills makes sense to you then bully away.  Because if getting angry at someone who hasn’t even been on this planet for two decades is what makes you happy on this wonderful Friday then just look into her eyes and point all of the fingers you want and see where that gets you…


-Holy $hitballs kids, it’s less then TWO WEEKS before i finally get to show to all of you the BRAND NEW SEASON OF VHS BREAKDOWN!  And i’ll be honest, i LOVE our first season and until now thought it was the best and funniest thing i’ve ever created.  But the work that Rob and i have done for SEASON DOS is EPIC, and i cannot WAIT until March 20th at 4:20 to unleash this masterpiece on the world!

But until then, enjoy our brand new promo as well as a look at the new opening for Season Dos!  Make sure to “like” and “share” this and tell me what you think!!!!

-While i’ve got you all watching videos did everyone see Beck’s performance on SNL last week?  i’m guessing you did which is why i’ve put the link below to his performance of his song “Blue Moon.”  Check this out and tell me it’s not the most beautiful song you’ve ever heard in your life…


“OLD SCHOOL” NONSENSE – Daylight savings is this weekend, and not the good one either.  Spring FORWARD?!?!? Holy f’n $hitballs!!!  Whenever it’s the Daylight savings where you have to move the clocks forward an hour i want to straight murder myself in the face!  Gddamn losing that f’n hour!!  C’mon scientists, figure something out where we don’t have to do the hour forward thing.  For real, there’s like a 50/50 chance if it’s gonna be the hour forward or hour back but it always feels like we’re losing that gddamn hour.  It just really sucks and i have no solutions other then the cry and yell and curse so gddamn motherf*ckering f*ck.  Stupid Daylight savings!  Balls.

“OLD SCHOOL” NONSENSE – i feel like as a teacher your best bet to make any real money is to be a tutor.  First of all, instead of an entire classroom of screaming little moron’s you’d only have one ahole to deal with. And oh knows, maybe you will luck out and the kid will actually be cool.  But you usually only get the little f*cker for an hour or so, so even if he sucks it’s only for that hour.  And you normally get paid cash too which is even better.  So being a tutor is basically like making tips as a teacher.  And if you’re a teacher in NJ you need all the help you can get since Governor Christie f’n hates you guys.  See how i slipped politics in there?  i am one sneaky basterd.  “Of course you’re sneaky, isn’t that how you snuck into this country in the first place?” First of all, i swam here.  Secondly go f yourself you racist!

And that’s it for me today kids.  i hope you enjoyed my rant on parenting!  And if not it’s cool, maybe when i’m a parent i’ll think differently on all of this.  It seems that as soon as you become a parent you start to blame everyone but yourself for your $hitty kids so maybe i’ll be the same way.  Hopefully not but who knows, apparently having kids makes you a lunatic.

But i have no problems with lunatics, if it weren’t for crazy people then no one would ever read my blogs!  So thank you to all you nutbags for reading this, and i hope you have an amazing weekend!  See you back here on Tuesday!!

Cya, @migueljose_85 on Twitter


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