How deep is your love? I really need to learn. ‘Cause we’re living in a world of fools, breaking us down, when they all should let us be. We belong to you and me. – The Bee Gees "How Deep Is Your Love"

21 Feb


What is up kids?

i’ll tell you what’s up, no matter how bad your job sucks and/or how hard your life is right now none of that matters at the moment because it’s finally FRIDAY!!

And i dig my Friday blogs, because even when i have nothing to write about i’m still in a great mood because like i just said, it’s f’n Friday!  Isn’t Friday the greatest day of the week?  There’s something about knowing you don’t have work for the next two days that just puts a smile on your face and also makes you go from 6 to 12 in your pants!  Unless you are girl, and instead you get so happy that it’s Friday that it feels like you have a sauna going on between your legs!

And yes i know that picture isn’t for everyone.  And no i don’t mean that some people are going to be offended and not find that picture hot. i mean that some people are pissed off because maybe they work nights and their Friday’s aren’t as awesome as ours.  Or maybe they are one of those psychopaths that works on the weekends and Fridays mean nothing to them!  Or even worse, maybe they’re a parent and the idea of ever having an exciting weekend and/or sleeping more then 4 hours at a time is a thing of the past as they now realize “fun” is a word that just isn’t in their vocabulary anymore…

Haha relax all you mommies and daddies out there, i’m only kidding. i’m sure you have tons of “fun” being responsible 24-7 for a little maniac who runs around constantly throwing dangerous items all over the house and who yells and screams nonstop for no reason while ruining your furniture and taking your bank account to zero and making sure you will never sleep again.  Haha just kidding!  Your bank account is WAY past zero, and if you ever started to sit and think about how much money this little “bundle of joy” is REALLY going to cost you in the way of dollars you would never sleep again. Because even in your wildest dreams you never thought it would be THIS expensive to raise a child, and just the thought of them going to college when you’re already not going to pay off your home loans or even your OWN college loans makes you want to just curl up in a corner and cry…

But now’s not the time to think about any of that real stuff! It’s time to think about all of the love and happiness that you have in your life and really ask yourself the question, how deep is your love?  Although i guess you don’t really have to ask yourself that considering the Bee Gee’s already asked that in one of my favorite songs ever.  And yeah i like they Bee Gee’s, they are the f’n money!  Although i do have to say as great as that song is the most amazing performance of it i’ve ever seen is by my favorite guitarist of all time and former Red Hot Chili Pepper John Frusciante who just straight MURDERS this song in a good way.

And that’s how i’m going to leave you off with this rant today, by showing you the clip of that performance.  One because it’s awesome and two because it’s really short.  But most importantly, it’s because it’s f*cking Friday and i’m in a great mood and i want to do my best to spread my love to all of you!  Cause we’re living in a world of fools, breaking us down, when they all should let us be.  We belong to you and me…


i really hope i got that song stuck in everyone’s head because it’s been stuck in mine ALL F’N WEEK and it’s about time i shared some of this goodness with you people!!

– Everyone has dreams about winning the lottery, how could you not?  The idea of being lucky enough to win millions of dollars from buying a $1 ticket or $5 scratch off is just too much to bear sometimes, which is why we all break down and buy a ticket once in awhile.  Because who knows right?  Maybe TODAY is the day that we stop by the convenience store or pull into that gas station and purchase a ticket and hit mega millions and then never have to worry about anything again ever in our lives!  Isn’t it possible that like Daft Punk we get lucky and win something as amazing as this??? It would be a miracle!!!

But then sometimes i think, isn’t it a miracle that i’m even on this planet right now?  i mean just the chances of being that one sperm that was fast enough to penetrate your moms egg while you were swimming against THOUSANDS of other sperms trying to do the same thing, or maybe hundreds if your dad is an older gentlemen and not as fertile.  And even after beating all of the odds and being the sperm that ended up in the egg instead of in a condom or on the stomach and/or heiny region (let alone a mouth)  you still have to be lucky enough to be born without any defects or diseases or illnesses and THEN be lucky enough to be born in America where we at least have rights and somewhat of a democracy and THEN be lucky enough to be born into a family that loves you and has enough money to provide you food and shelter and love…

When you think about all of these things you start to think, maybe i already did win the lottery!  Maybe i should realize how lucky i am and stop hoping for miracles when the fact is just being here alive and healthy on this planet is a miracle enough!  Or maybe i can realize all of that and then still go out and buy a lottery ticket because Mega Millions is at 172 million right now and daddy needs a new pair of shoes!

-Alright, i’m going to admit something now… i wish i could wear jewelry.  And i don’t just mean earrings because i could probably get away with at least one on my non gay ear.  But bracelets, necklaces, rings, anklets, i wish i could wear them all!  They just seem cool and fun and pretty and colorful and i’d like to collect them and even make them and just walk around wearing a whole bunch of gddamn jewelry!!  But no make up because like i just said before i’m not gay!!

“OLD SCHOOL” NONSENSE- EVERY time i throw a party the absolute worst thing about cleaning up is how many “floaters” there are left all over the place.  And by floaters i mean beers that are still almost half full or sometimes almost totally full.  Because really?  Really, friends of mine?  And that’s the worst part of it, because it’s your friends that you invited to your house that leave these “presents” for you.  So obviously the people that leave floaters are people i know and am close enough to to invite to my own party.  It’s not like random strangers come in, drink 2 sips and then leave floaters all over my house.  These are my best friends!

But c’mon dudes, f’n drink up already!  We stopped playing beer pong because we ran out of Natty light, but then the very next day i find out there’s enough floaters around to start my own 64 team double elimination pong tournament.  Let me guess, you people who leave floaters are the same aholes who smoke cigarettes outside and then throw butts everywhere like they just disappear and i don’t have to clean them up the next day. Some of you have a lot of growing up to do, you’re better then that.

“Facebook Etiquette”-
This one made me laugh but i feel like i owe you guys a REAL “Facebook Etiquette” so here we go…
“Facebook Etiquette”- In a pure sign that i am getting old as f*ck, Facebook has apparently just introduced DOZENS of new options to the gender section of everyone’s profile…
 So instead of just having “man, woman, and other” as options they how have “transgender female, transgender male, gender queer, gender variant, gender nonconforming”, the options are endless!  Well not endless, like i just said there are dozens of options not infinite.  And i have to say my first thought was, “Really?? We’re going to let people define themselves anyway they want instead of just being a boy or a girl?  Is that where our country and world is headed towards???”  
And then my next thought was, “Oh okay, good for them.  And good for Facebook for recognizing that how a person defines themselves is a really important thing, and any time we can shake off the shackles of the terms that the government and people in control want to use to make themselves feel comfortable with what they don’t understand, and instead make them confront these new ideas and accept people for how they are that’s a good thing and i’m glad it’s happening!  Plus i can FINALLY change my status to “Queer nonconforming” like i’ve always wanted to!!!”
And that’s it for me today kids!  i hope everyone enjoyed this blog, i had fun writing it and i’m just in a great mood in general.  And not just because it’s Friday, but also because of all of the love and friendship and family i have in my life that makes everything so fantastic sometimes.   So hopefully i was able to pass some of that joy and laughter to you, and if not you can go F yourself!
But after you do make sure you come back next Tuesday for another all new comedy blog!!
Cya Tuesday, @migueljose_85 on Twitter

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