I’m a low brow, but I rock a little know how. No time for the piggies or the hoosegow. Get smart, get down with the pow wow. Never been a better time… than right now! – Red Hot Chili Peppers "Give it Away"

31 Jan

What is up kids?

First things first, before you go ANY further in this blog there is one thing you need to do IMMEDIATELY!! Hopefully you’re smart and you did it already, but if you’re not here is your last chance… to go tell your boss and/or supervisor that you are taking off Monday!  For real, do it now before your Sunday night gets ruined.  And more importantly, do it before you come into work on Monday and everyone else is calling out left and right, and you’re the only person at the office so you’re stuck doing all of the awful work, and it’ll be all YOUR fault because you didn’t listen to the money advice that i’m dropping on you this second on my blog.  And you don’t want to blow it like you always do kids, because it’s Superbowl weekend!

And this year the big game is being held literally 20 minutes from my house, which means i’m STILL not going!  And not just because the NY Giants aren’t in it.  It’s also because it’s gddamn BRIZZA out these days, and also because the tickets are MAD expensive, and also because i just don’t find MetLife Stadium all that impressive and i miss the old Giants Stadium.  That’s right, i’ll admit it.  The new MefLife stadium is fair to poor, more towards poor.  Have you ever compared it to the new stadium the Dallas Cowboys play in?  The Cowboys may have an awful owner, an inept quarterback, dirtbag fans and a team that hasn’t won a playoff game since the 90’s.  But they sure as hell have the money football stadium!

Speaking of the Cowboys and teams that i hate more then life itself, i wouldn’t feel right unless i brought up the fact that the gddamn New York Rangers beat the New Jersey Devils in the first ever game at Yankee Stadium last week.  Not only beat them, they whooped them and embarrassed them and basically ended Martin Brodeur’s Hall of Fame career if it wasn’t over already.  The Devils were actually up 3-1 at one point in the first period, but that was as good as it was going to get as the allegedly accused of kid touching Rangers then scored 6 unanswered goals and had me turning off the game before it was even over.  So congrats you Jerry Sandusky supporting Ranger fans, enjoy this win while you can.

Ugh, someone please shoot me in the face for having to post that picture, it kills me that the Devils lost!  But at the same time i don’t have time for that nonsense, especially from a team that hasn’t won the cup since 1994.  Instead, i’d rather focus on the New Age Outlaws, who won the WWE World Tag Team Championship belts last Sunday at the Royal Rumble!   Because they’re my favorite gddamn tag team of all time!!  Suck it!!

And sure, maybe they only have the belts because they are good friends with Triple H and he’s one of the head writers and married to Stephanie McMahon who is the daughter of Vince McMahon who owns the WWE.  Sure that might have something to do with it.  And sure, any girl or most of my readers in general have no gddamn idea what i’m talking about right now.  But if that’s the case, then you must have missed what i tried to tell you earlier.  If you don’t remember, i have two words for you…

But i hope everyone has a great Superbowl weekend!  i know even those of you who don’t like football will still have a good time on Superbowl Sunday, mostly because it’s way more then just a game. It’s a fun get together with friends, with a cornucopia of the most unhealthy and delicious foods on the planet.  Plus i know some of you like the commercials, and a bunch of you will want to see the Bruno Mars/Red Hot Chili Peppers halftime show.  Although i don’t really care about that, because i’m going to see the Peppers the night before at the Barclays in Brooklyn.  It’s my first time ever seeing the Chili Peppers bitches, i can’t wait!  Even no there’s zero Frusciante…

But it’s going to be the money weekend anyway, and i can’t wait to start it so let’s get to it, shall we???


– SPOILER ALERT!!  i know who is going to win the Superbowl!  And Jewell should know too to be honest, because it was on a Simpsons episode forever ago where they already predicted it.  So get out your wallets and start making heavy bets people, because here is your Superbowl final!

-If you didn’t already see it on the VHS BREAKDOWN FACEBOOK PAGE (and if you didn’t you are BLOWING it!) Here is the first promo for the new season that is coming shortly!  No foolin this time, we’ve started filming and the season will be starting soon exclusively on Blip.tv!!

“Facebook Etiquette”-

A Great Name for a Punk Band!  “The Sock Hops”

And now for two old bits about bagels that i happen to enjoy.  Enjoy!

“OLD SCHOOL” NONSENSE- i might have said this before, but when i get a bacon egg and cheese on a bagel for my hangovers i get it with mayo and not ketchup.  Some people think this is gross, but those people are judgemental aholes who don’t understand the pain i go through with my hangovers.  Because if they did, they’d know that all the fat and grease from a bacon egg and cheese is almost enough to make me feel better, but it’s that coating of mayo that REALLY makes my tummy scream in orgasm.  Nothing like covering delicious fatty bacon with even more liquid fat!  i would think most of you haven’t even tried it yet so i’m telling you now, go do it!  i may be hurt up, but once i took a bite of that juicy greasy disaster my friend in my pants went boooooWHIP!  And i’ll tell you right now that stuff that came out sure as hell wasn’t mayo!  Alright that last bit is a little rough.  But yeah for real you should try it.  The mayo i mean, not my “booowhip” sauce.

“OLD SCHOOL” NONSENSE- Speaking of bagels, i don’t dig flavored cream cheese.  None of them.  “Would you like to try our hazelnut raspberry sun-dried tomato veggie walnut cream cheese today?”  No thanks you flashy basterd, hit me up with some basic philly CC please.  i’m the same way with my coffee too.  i don’t need a grande mocha cinnamon dolce java chip espresso tazo chai iced salted caramel peppermint macchiato frappuccino.  Can i just get a gddamn regular bold coffee with cream and sugar?  i take my bagels and coffee the way i like my women, low maintenance.  Some of you really need to calm down on your breakfast habits.

And that’s it for me today kids!  i hope everyone has the money Superbowl weekend, and i hope even more of you get to sleep late on Monday because you listened to what i told you to do in the first paragraph.  But have fun this weekend, eat your gddamn faces off, and whatever you don’t forget to watch the big game!  No, i don’t mean the Superbowl, i’m talking about the “Puppy Bowl 2014” that they will be showing on “Animal Planet.”  Don’t know what that is?  Well look it up because this is the end of my blog and i ain’t explaining it although i promise it’s a real thing.   Make sure to check it out, it’s hilarious AND adorable!!  
Cya Tuesday!!  Follow @migueljose_85 on Twitter! 



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