As has been well documented, I smoked pot as a kid, and I view it as a bad habit and a vice, not very different from the cigarettes that I smoked as a young person up through a big chunk of my adult life. I don’t think it is more dangerous than alcohol – President Barack Obama!

28 Jan


What is up kids?

i’ll tell you what’s up… Marijuana is going to be legal all over this country soon!  That’s right kids, not only is weed going to be legal for medical reasons in some states, including my home one of New Jersey.  It has also been decriminalized in the state of Washington and Colorado, with many more states thinking of hopping on the bandwagon!  Or more likely laying down on the bandwagon, eating some Cheetos and taking a nap.  And isn’t it crazy that the only two states to legalize weed are now playing in the “SuperBOWL???” i guarantee you haven’t seen even one meme about that on Facebook, or anywhere on the Interwebs for that matter.  Which means i am the FIRST person to bring this joke to your attention!  Way to go me!  mi-guel!

i think 3 memes about the Superbowl and weed that everyone else has already seen a million times makes my point on this joke.  And even though Jewell STILL doesn’t get it, my point is those aren’t my jokes and i didn’t make them up.  And yes i know most of you knew that already, but i have to explain this to the one person who doesn’t get it and thinks i’m trying to steal credit for these.  Although i don’t get what aholes would actually think i was serious about those being my jokes, you’d have to be high to think that!! Oh wait…

And speaking of “taking the pot,” i myself have never tried it.  Allegedly. But now that the President of the United States has said it’s okay like he did in the quote i used to start this blog,  i’m thinking of taking up smoking reefer right now!  If only because it will make me a better America.  U S A!  U S A!

Or maybe i won’t, but it just makes me happy that we FINALLY have a President who acknowledges the fact that it is INSANE that Marijuana is illegal, and he said it in the most simple and honest way possible.  At the very least weed is no more harmful to you then alcohol, which is a legal substance. And most importantly, even though black people smoke weed exactly as much as white people they get arrested at a rate that is FOUR TIMES HIGHER then that of their pale skinned brothers.  And no i don’t mean black people get 4 times higher when they smoke weed you silly geese, i’m saying 4 black guys get arrested for every one white guy who smokes weed. Although isn’t that the same percentage they get arrested for in comparison to whites on every crime?

And anyone against marijuana becoming legal needs to f’n RELAX already.  In fact, if you weren’t so against weed i’d tell you to take a bong hit and lay on the couch and eat some chips and candy and just forget all of your troubles.  Although i will say marijuana isn’t completely harmless.  It does kill your motivation, it makes it impossible to diet, and i can’t remember the third thing that it does to your body.  Oh wait memory!  It affects your memory!  And it also kills your motivation and it makes it impossible to diet.  And it affects your memory!  You know, that old gag.

But the truth is if i had to hang out in a room with a bunch of guys who were drinking whiskey and beer, or hang out in a room of guys doing bong hits and playing video games i would take the latter room of guys in a second.  i mean don’t get me wrong, both room of guys sounds sexy and hot.  But alcohol just makes you louder and angrier and “tougher,” and eventually some if not all of those meatheads would get in a fight. Whereas the room with weed everyone seems to just be chilled the F out.  Plus there is way less vomit and hangovers with weed, and instead of blacking out and texting your ex-wife to tell her what a bitch she is for f*cking your cousin, and/or starting a fight with someone who is 2 feet taller and 100 pounds heavier then you, instead you will just literally pass out into a peaceful nap.  Perhaps to dream of a new type of candy bar.  Oh i know, how about Butterfingers with peanut butter!!!

So to sum this wonderful rant up, this country is changing and it’s time to accept it.  i blame the Internet, because for the longest time rich, uptight, religious white people ran this country and did so by telling everyone “this is what the country wants!  They want to ban abortion, they want weed to be illegal, and they don’t want gay people to get married!”  But because of the internet everyone else in the country was like, “um, but i think women SHOULD get abortions if that’s their choice, and i think gay people SHOULD be able to get married, and i think weed SHOULD be legal if people want to smoke it.  Is that what everyone else thinks too?  Yeah?  So let’s smoke a blunt, get those peanut butter Reeses and change the world and these stupid laws!”  And i’m not exactly sure that’s how the conversation went in this country, but i’m sure i’ts pretty close.

But yeah the “Change” President Obama was talking about is finally happening and i couldn’t be happier about it.  And i know this has a lot of you uptight scaredy cats all worried that now EVERYTHING is going to be legal, which means you are more uselessly paranoid then a person on weed.   Because we haven’t been fighting for all drugs to be legal, just the one that everyone knows should and will be legal like marijuana.  And it looks like we’re finally winning that fight!  i just hope we don’t get high and forget what we’re doing and forget to finish this before the job is done!


-So there’s a NY comedian that i’m a fan of named J-L Cauvin, who honestly reminds me of myself if i was actually brave enough to try and become a stand up comedian years ago and actually had the balls to try and live that life. He’s worked hard at his craft for over 10 years, and despite being hilarious he still doesn’t get the respect or bookings he deserves, and he’s kinda getting to the point where he’s getting bitter at comedy the way i’m sure i would have by now.  
Anyways i’m a big fan, and he just released a new YouTube show called “Louis CK’s Comedy Academy” and i think you should all check it out.  And if you dig it then “like” it on YouTube, and if you don’t then don’t do anything and forget i said anything about him.  And oh yeah if you watch the videos (he’s putting out two a day, every day this week) there is also a link on where you can download a FREE copy of his latest Stand up comedy album, “Keep My Enemies Closer.”  So yeah funny YouTube videos AND a FREE Stand up Comedy album?  That’s win/win kids!!!

-i’m going a little “meme” crazy today on this blog and you might as well call me “Memeguel,” or at least you would if you were someone who wasn’t funny.  But i saw this and it might as well be the cover of every magazine that all of these girls seem to love to read so much

-And since i wrote the longest rant EVER today i’m just gonna make things easier on myself and keep putting up memes that other people made up, and then take credit for their laughs just because i was smart enough to put all of them up in one place.  Although to be honest this next meme is more sad then funny…

“OLD SCHOOL” NONSENSE- So i’ve never been any one’s “first” when it comes to sex.   i mean i’ve done some “firsts” kinds of things with girls, but i never took any girl’s virginity.  And yeah yeah i know what you’re thinking, “Stop dating Whores!”  And i’ll just tell you i’m trying!  Why do you think i’m so into younger girls??  i want them fresh!!  Haha i’m just kidding, everything since that virginity line was all made up to be funny. But yeah i’ve never taken anyone’s virginity, and at this point i guess i’m not going to.

Although now that i think about it, that would be a f*cked up thing to have on you bucket list.  Like i have trouble imagining Morgan Freedman and Jack Nicholson trolling around the local high school during that movie i never watched, looking to “knock off” one more thing from their list.  Although i will give some advice to the next girl who is lucky enough to sleep with me, or even any girl that feels like lying to their man, tell me or him that we’re your first!  Guys would LOVE to hear that, even if it’s not true.  Actually, ESPECIALLY if it’s not true!  i don’t care if when i speak into your vagina i hear an echo, if you want to lie to me that i’m your first i am totally totally, fine fine, with with, that that!!  Is it that hard to just lie to me? i mean who wants the actual truth?  The truth f*cking sucks ass.  “Well the truth is i got with this one black guy in college, so now i barely feel anything when i have sex with any guy!”  Um, can you lie and tell me you’re a virgin please?!??!

Fast Food Tips – Burger King has had the regular chicken sandwich forever, and to be honest it’s fair to poor, more towards poor.  But because Mexicans keep coming into this country illegally and white people are doing NOTHING to stop them, BK decided to spice things up and finally introduce a new “Spicy” Chicken sandwich that i haven’t tried yet but i’m assuming is just like the old sandwich only a little spicier.  So go hook one up for lunch if you want, or hook up two of them because BK has a special for two sandwiches for 5 bucks.

Actually, what you really should do is get one spicy chicken sandwich and one Big King burger, which is BK’s better version of a Big Mac.  Get them both for 5 beans, and then eat them both and then deuce yourself to no end and then thank me later.  That’s what you really should do.

MAN what a fantastic gddamn blog!  It’s like i just keep getting better and better and funnier and sexier!  But i hope everyone has a great week, and you can come back this Friday to get a look at the first brand new “VHS Breakdown” trailer for Season Dos!  Although if you don’t want to wait you could always just go to the VHS Breakdown YouTube Page and subscribe and check it out now….

But have a great week everyone and i’ll see you kids back here on Friday for an all new blog!!

Cya, @migueljose_85 on Twitter


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