Not everybody should be laughing at everything at the same time. That’s not even natural. My thing is to feel natural, because I don’t want to feel like I could just make people laugh at every single joke, every single time, with the same decibel level. – Patrice O’Neal

24 Jan

THE BLOG WHERE I’M REMORSEFUL FOR DRINKING TOO MUCH. AGAIN…


What is up kids?

i’ll tell you what’s up, happy Friday everyone!  It’s the best day of the week, so half ass your job as much as possible just to get through it so you can start your weekend!  Go to a happy hour, go out to dinner, buy yourself that shirt you’ve been checking out all week that you were debating whether or not you should get. Do yourself up “Parks and Recreation” style and TREAT YO SELF!!

But alas, i will NOT be joining you kids in the festivities tonight. Mostly because i’m still hungover from Tuesday night.  No joke, i almost finished a large bottle of Fireball Whiskey more or less by myself and for some reason i just don’t feel right at the moment, physically or mentally.  Plus it probably doesn’t help that i blacked out and became an ahole around the people i love once again.  You know, classic immature drunken ahole miguel jose.  That old gag!

But God i am just so SICK of this story.  “Whoo hoo miguel drinks too much and can’t handle his liquor and turns into a big bag of douche!  i’m pretty sure he’s been playing that record since 1994, he sure must love that song!”  Well the truth is i don’t, and the older i get the more i hate myself for letting me get that way.  And i get why it happens, because i can unfortunately handle drinking a LOT of alcohol.  So the drinking part of it is no problem for me, it’s the being able to handle my liquor and not turning into an angry ahole is the part that i’ve never figured out.  And i know what you’re thinking, “Drink less or drink slower you a$$hole!”  And while that is totally right and makes complete sense, i’m just not smart enough to learn that lesson. i mean i’m funny, i’m sexy, i’m loving and caring and i’m better then most people in this country, and i’m humble.  But one thing i’m not is smart, although the older i get the more i feel like when i say “Never again!” i might actually mean it this time.  At least i hope i do.

But don’t be like me friends, go out and party your face off and party too hard!  You probably need and deserve it, so don’t let my awful behavior sway you from having a good time.  And i’m sure i’ll be joining you eventually, and by eventually i mean i’ll be drinking Saturday night to celebrate Jay John’s birthday.  So forget everything i just said this blog and join me in wishing the greatest Facebook page co-host on the planet and my best friend Jay John happy birthday!!!  i love you man!


RANDOM NONSENSE

-So the quote i used today was from the late comedian Patrice O’Neal, and to be honest it still makes me sad to write that.  Mostly because he was one of the funniest, most original and RUTHLESS comics i have ever seen.  Case in point, he was on a news show trying to defend the idea that comics should be able to make “rape” jokes because a comedian should have free reign in doing whatever comedy they want.  And his point was that comics make a TON of jokes that aren’t always funny, but because of that they shouldn’t be fired from their job or taken off of television or whatever.

Anyways, i’m not doing this comic genius justice so instead i will just show you the clip and let you judge it for yourself.  Just remember i totally agree with everything he’s saying!

– Before i get to my next bit i do want to say my week wasn’t all bad, as i believe i made the greatest two music purchases in 5 minutes that i have ever made in my life.  The first thing i did was get a membership for the Pearl Jam “Ten” Club for the first time in my life. Which is odd because they have been my favorite band since 1992 and you would think i would have joined the club then, or at least a real long time ago. But for some reason i never did, and i finally remedied that this week!!

SUBSCRIPTION
MEMBER NUMBER
RENEW DATE
Pearl Jam – DIGITAL TENCLUB MEMBERSHIP $20.00 per Year 51471 01/20/2015

And to top that off, minutes later i also pre-ordered the new Beck Album “Morning Phase” which comes out next month, and for doing so i got to download one song off of the album already and will get two more songs before the album comes out.  And while Pearl Jam is my favorite band, Beck to me is the greatest musical artist on the planet.  So basically what i’m saying is that when i’m not drinking and being a douche bag i’m making purchases from my favorite bands that i’ve loved almost my entire life.  So why the hell do i drink again??– And speaking of music…

A Great Name for a Punk Band! “The Booze Hounds”  Admit it, that one is the MONEY!

“OLD SCHOOL” NONSENSE- Why do i hold onto all of my mismatched socks?  Am i the only one who does that?  i have a whole section in my drawer dedicated to socks that i only have one of, and when i actually put thought into that i realize i have no idea why.  Do i really think i’m finally going to find the matching sock after a year of not seeing it?  Where would it have been hiding that all of a sudden i’m going to find it?  And who cares?  Socks aren’t that expensive, i only need to buy like a pack of 6 or so every once in while to keep me going. 

And fine, every once in a while i’ll have to wear my mismatched socks.  Like when i haven’t done laundry in 2 weeks and that’s all i have left, so i have to put on one white sock and one black sock to work and hope no one notices today.  But yeah i really don’t get why i hold onto these socks for so long.  Maybe that’s just my level of hoarding, i don’t hoard pets or garbage or anything like that, i just hoard single socks in my drawer.  i guess as far as addictions go mine could be worse…

“OLD SCHOOL” Tips for “OLD SCHOOL” Video Games: i f’n HATE the name for this bit!!  Could someone PLEASE come up with a new name for it please? Anything funny revolving around video games would be perfect, because what i’m using is AWFUL!
That being said i need a new name because bits like this make me laugh….

“OLD SCHOOL” NONSENSE -How come girls are the only ones who get flowers?  Why would i not want to receive flowers?  They are f’n beautiful.  And they smell nice,and they bring pretty colors into my otherwise dull and boring life.  And they’re very easy to take care of.  Water them up?  Yeah i can handle that.  And if i can’t water them they’ll just die, and who cares because you know that from the beginning anyways.  And NO!!!  NONE of you can send me flowers now!!!  i would have wanted them before i wrote this blog but now that i admitted this in my blog it’s too late.  So don’t get me flowers, and ESPECIALLY not sunflowers because they aren’t my favorite or anything.

And that’s it for me today kids.  This was a strange week for me and i just couldn’t get on track, but like that little red headed girl sang in that song, “Tomorrow, it’s only a day away!”  i think her name was Carrot Top.
But yeah i hope you all have the greatest weekend and i’ll see you kids back here on Tuesday with an all new blog!  And to anyone paying attention, YES it will be the Obama smoking weed blog!!!
Cya Tuesday!  And follow @migueljose_85 on Twitter!
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2 Responses to “Not everybody should be laughing at everything at the same time. That’s not even natural. My thing is to feel natural, because I don’t want to feel like I could just make people laugh at every single joke, every single time, with the same decibel level. – Patrice O’Neal”

  1. Anonymous January 24, 2014 at 4:39 pm #

    At least you didn't do the electric slide

    Like

  2. Miguel Jose January 24, 2014 at 8:17 pm #

    Ugh, i'm the worst human being on the planet

    Like

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