The purpose of government is to enable the people of a nation to live in safety and happiness. Government exists for the interests of the governed, not for the governors. – Thomas Jefferson

14 Jan


What is up kids?

i’ll tell you what’s up, this Chris Christie thing is apparently pretty huge news at the moment. Mostly because you got every Christie hater KILLING him over the fact that his administration closed down the George Washington Bridge just to get some petty revenge against the Mayor of Fort Lee who didn’t endorse him, AND you have every Christie supporter doing their best to back him up and support him and play this off like it’s no big deal.

But the truth, as in most news stories, lies somewhere in the middle.  Because this story is not as big as those who hate him would like to make it, and it’s not as small as those wishing to dismiss it.  Kind of like Christie’s big fat belly, which is not as big as we’d like to make fun of him for, nor is it as small as he wishes it were in his  head… 

And i know what some of you are thinking, “Hey, isn’t miguel the biggest Chris Christie fan EVER???!?”  They are both big fat Jersey loudmouths who argue their point by yelling and being bullies.  They might even be the same person!  Wait, ARE they the same person?  i’ve never seen them in the same room together… maybe miguel is the one who’s stronger then the storm!!!”

C’mon jerks!  You all know i love teachers too much to ever be Chris Christie.  And i also would never use public funds raised to help out the victims of Hurricane Sandy to finance my personal campaign for re-election either.  But i am a loud fat bully, and i have to say we can smell our own.  Mostly because we smell like mayo, cheese, and a sweaty fat guy.  

But i refuse to go nuts over this story, even though i do think regardless of whether he knew what happened he is still ultimately responsible.  Not just because it happened in his hand picked administration, but because while it may be possible that Christie didn’t know what his administration was doing, he has set up such a culture of bullying with the way he acts and treats people that he is going to deserve the public thrashing he gets for this whole incident.

Think of it in sports terms. When there is an arrogant loudmouth player who talks trash all the time, and then that player makes a huge mistake in a big game the media and fans of the sport cannot WAIT to trash that guy.  It happens all the time in sports, but i guess that’s what you get there when you put yourself out there as a “hero.”  Because when you do eventually fall there are going to be a TON of people waiting to point and laugh and yell at you on your way down… 

But yeah that is how i feel about this Chris Christie news.  And this is also pretty much how i handle every news story that i hear, i listen to both the left and the right rant and rave over nonsense and then i use intelligence and reasoning to come up with a rational decision.  Although i do have to say that anyone who supports Christie while trying to use “Benghazi” or “The IRS “Scandal”” as their defense is an immature baby and they are just using talking points to try and distract you from the real truth of the issue.  They are like a little kid who gets in trouble and then goes, “but why does my brother get to play with toys and i can’t??!?”  Because we’re not talking about your brother we’re talking about you, just like we’re talking about Christie right now and not whatever other made up scandals you want to discuss.

And the biggest shame of all of this is that none of this even matters, Hillary Clinton is going to be the next President of the United States.  Cause let’s face it, NO ONE in the South is going to vote for Chris Christie when he runs.  They won’t vote for Hillary either, but they definitely won’t be going out to vote for a big fat loud Jersey guy when they are all Bible belt Christians who wear Cowboy hats and still wish slavery was legal.  So everyone can get all worked up about this scandal if they want, in the end we’re going to have another Clinton in the White House anyway and you heard it hear first!!!


-Does anyone remember that cars used to have bumpers?  i don’t mean the plastic garbage we have now that cracks in half as soon as you gently tap another car.  i’m talking about big rubber bumpers on the front and back that protected you in case you got into a little fender bender.  Whatever happened to them?  i’m guessing car companies got rid of them because they were safer and people used to be able to bump into each other and not have to call the cops and go through insurance and spend hundreds of dollars at the auto shop every gddamn time. 

Instead now we have zero bumpers, and if you hit someone you always crack the plastic and then you’re totally f’d and have to spend a ton of money to fix it.  So thanks for getting rid of those safe rubber bumpers car companies, and thanks for making it more dangerous and costly to drive.  We really appreciate it!!

“OLD SCHOOL” NONSENSE- You know who i never felt bad for?  The Doozers in Fraggle Rock. What the F were they figuring? You’re making an entire city out of delicious sugar sticks?  No wonder the Fraggles would destroy your entire infrastructure everytime you were building something! Although now i’m wondering maybe that was the Doozers’ plan.  “Enjoy the sugar now you ahole Fraggles, i hope you get diabetes!  It’ll be a lot harder to chase us once you lose your foot you Muppet Show rejects!” Well played Doozers.

A Great Name for a Punk Band!  “The Wet Blankets” 

So i guess it would only be fitting to pay tribute to the man of the hour by giving him is own special column today.  So here it is: 

Chris Chrsitie’s Fast Food Tips –
If you like big jugs of carbonated high fructose syrup for breakfast you’re in luck, because Sonic sells all large sodas for only 99 cents before 10 am!  So you can start your day off with an insane sugar rush and around 500 calories without even eating anything by getting one of these bright and early to start each day!!  It’s win win! 

Speaking of fast food soda, here’s a FACT to make you think twice before you super size it…
Fast Food FACTS:
And that’s it for me today kids!  i hope everyone enjoyed today’s blog, and if you did feel free to share it with your friends!  It’s easy to do, especially on Facebook.  And any time any one of my friends shares my blog it puts a smile on my face and a rise in my pants.  i shouldn’t have told you that last part.

But have a great week everyone, be good to one another and make sure to come back here on Friday for an all new fantabulous blog!!

Cya Friday! And FOLLOW @migueljose_85 on Twitter

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