No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite. – Nelson Mandella

6 Dec


What is up kids?

Haha that picture is pretty gddamn racist, but you also have to admit that it’s pretty funny! And i have no problem posting it because as much as i realize what a hero Nelson Mandela was, and how unselfishly he lived his life so that an entire country would have the rights that every human being deserves it’s not like i knew the guy personally.  And besides, lately there’s been enough death surrounding my life affecting people i know and/or love for me to be seriously hurt up over a 95 year old man who died that i never even met. So personally i feel fine and thought it was funny to post the above pic.  But intellectually i realize what a great loss this was, and i do truly hope anyone directly or indirectly affected from his death finds the solace they are looking for.

But i’ve got too much going on in my own life to pretend otherwise right now, so instead of trying to summarize this Icon’s life i’m just going to get to the ha ha’s today.  To be honest my mind grapes are all over the place, and that quote i used today is about as far as i’m going to go get as far as a “tribute” goes.  And besides, literally everyone on Facebook and Twitter are posting a million other things so you can just go there.

Because that’s not what my blog is about!  i don’t want to be just like every other page on the interwebs, i want to be better!  If everyone is talking about Mandela then i’d rather talk about how even though i’m Mexican i can’t drink tequila because it wrecks my body and my soul and my anus.  And has anyone EVER told a good story involving tequila? And by good i don’t mean exciting, i mean a “positive” story.  Because the only positive stories told about tequila are usually the ones that end with test results that turn up that way.

And i’ll make a bet that in Mandela’s 95 years on this planet that him or anyone he knew never started a story with, “So we started drinking tequila...” that ended as a positive story.  Because no story that starts that way ends well, even for Mandela!  

But yeah between memes and pictures and rants and fast food tips and punk band names i hope everyone is getting some joy out of this blog because that’s the only reason i write it. Well not the only reason, i’m a self obsessed narcissist who needs to write this twice a week because if i don’t get the attention i will die.  But the other reason i write this is to entertain all my faithful readers, whether they are stuck at their job and just trying to avoid work, or even if your cheeks just hit the toilet bowl and you use want to read my blog and use the laughs i give you to relax your butt muscles and just let it happen.

And the most important thing out of all of this is that you’ve all made it, it’s finally Friday!!!  Doesn’t it make you happy just knowing that it’s the best day of the week??  i would say it’s Saturday but there’s too much pressure on Saturdays to have fun, and if you blow it on a Saturday you ruin the whole weekend.  But Friday is the perfect day to go to a happy hour after work, take a few shots and brews and eat some unehalthy appetizers and then get home and be in bed earlier then you have all week. Isn’t that the BEST???  And doesn’t it make you happy that it’s Friday?? No???  Oh well i tried.  So here’s my last ditch effort to put a smile on your face and a rise in your pants with this picture of Kate Upton.  Enjoy the nonsense!!


Fast Food Tips – This “Fast Food Tips” has me so angry i’m not going to wait until the end of this blog to post it, and it’s because Wendy’s has gotten rid of their Pretzel bun bacon cheeseburger and replaced it with a Bacon mortabella mushroom burger on a “brioche” bun.  And there’s two reasons i’m furious over this, and the first is because the pretzel bacon cheeseburger was the f’n MONEY.  No joke, i almost never get burgers from Wendy’s because that place is really only good for chicken sandwiches and their yummy chili.  But the Pretzel bun bacon cheeseburger was FANTASTIC, so much so that i had to go back and try another one just to see if it was really that good or if it was just a fluke but it ended up being that damn good.  “Really? i thought you had to try another one because you’re a big fat f*ck who looks for any excuse to eat unhealthy?”  Yeah, that too.

But the other reason i’m so mad is because i did go to try this new Bacon mushroom brioche burger and i did so for the reason the person above just said. Except this time the burger wasn’t fantastic, and instead was a disgusting mushy garbage burger that i will never eat again.  First of all fast food places rarely if ever get mushrooms right, and this burger was no different.  Secondly the cheese sucks and the burger is bland with no flavor, and the bun was too soft and greasy and not that good at all.  So instead of keeping their amazingly delicious Pretzel bun burger they replaced it with this awfulness and now i won’t be going to Wendy’s anymore.  And you should all join in me in not going.

“OLD SCHOOL” NONSENSE- Have you ever heard a couple say, “We’re trying to have a baby!”  Do you hear that and think, “Oh how sweet! They must really love each other and they are working on starting a family!”  If you do think that then you are NOT me.  Because when i hear couples say that all i hear is, “We are totally f*cking all the time! Morning, noon and night, if you don’t see us you can be sure he has his penis in my vagina!  F*ck F*ck F*ck that is all we are doing these days!  Notstop F*cking!”  So now if any of you think this the next time a couple tells you they are trying to have kids, then i’ve done my job.  Your welcome.

Speaking of having babies, my boy Chuck and his lovely wife Rachel just welcomed their second child into this world yesterday so congrats to both of them!  They are the money couple and i love them both!!  Even though Chuck has some pretty f’d up ideas on what would make a good Punk band name like the one i’m going to tell you about now…

-So remember how i’ve told you all about how Rob always sends me shady “penis” influenced names for my “Great Name for a Punk Band” bit?  Here’s his latest one…

A Great Name for a Punk Band! “The Boner Patrol”  And then he also added, “I love that name, I used it in a screenplay years ago, it still makes me laugh!

And i’d like to say that was the most f’d up punk band name i’ve been suggested lately, i really would. But my boy Charles just sent me this little gem the other week…

A Great Name for a Punk Band! “The Dripping Nipples”

So for the record, i may write some f’d up things in these blogs but my friends have PROBLEMS!

– It isn’t official yet, but my guess is the Yankees don’t realize the amazing player they have and don’t offer him anything close to what Seattle has offered him.  And the best thing about him leaving is that everyone is going to hate Jacoby Ellsbury and his contract even MORE next year when they realize how much they overpaid for that over hyped ex-Red Sox player.  

But if he hasn’t said it by the time this blog is posted, you can consider this an advance greeting.  So from Robinson Cano to the New York Yankees…


And yes i know that the talks with the Mariners have hit a snag now and this move isn’t definite.  But i wrote this bit yesterday and it made me laugh so i’m sticking with it. And if i’m wrong who cares, i’m just trying to be funny.  It’s not like i’m not under oath when i write any of this.

And that’s it for me today kids!  i hope you enjoyed reading this because i sure as hell enjoyed writing this.  But i hope everyone has a great weekend, if you have any good Punk Band names suggestions please keep them coming, and i’ll see all of you kids back here on Tuesday!!

Cya, @migueljose_85 on Twitter


2 Responses to “No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite. – Nelson Mandella”

  1. Anonymous December 6, 2013 at 5:43 pm #

    Saw a picture of you recently on a couch. You are one fat bastard.


  2. Miguel José December 9, 2013 at 12:20 am #

    Stalking my facebook page again? What's wrong, your awful husband and $hitty kids have your life so unfulfilling that you have nothing better to do then to read and comment on every one of my blogs and stalk my facebook page? It's okay, i know you can't get enough of me. i just feel sorry you take out the anger you have about your own poor life decisions on me. But i guess that's easier then facing the truth of how pathetic you are. It's okay though, i'll pray for you!


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