Once you realize what a joke everything is, being the Comedian is the only thing that makes sense. – The Comedian

15 Nov


What is up kids?

So i have to be honest, i REALLY wanted to write about “Obamacare” for today’s rant.  But i am deciding against it because it’s Friday and for the most part i try to stick to a “no politics” theme on Fridays, in my personal life and in my blog.  Because even though i find it important to at least try and stay informed, it’s the gddamn weekend kids!  This is the time to drink and party!  Not get caught up in the nonsense that is our government.  Who wants to read a blog about politics when all i’m thinking about is going to the nearest bar to buy some Jose Cuervo “Cinge” and then drink myself into oblivion?

But miguel, what the F is Cuervo “Cinge?”  i’ve never heard of it!  Although it does sound like what tequila does to the hairs in my butthole the next day after drinking Cuervo and eating a lot of Mexican food.”  Well since you asked, Cinge is the new cinnamon flavored tequila that my good friend Sue just told me about on The Facebook.  And if you’re like me and i know i am, i’m pretty much in love with those “Fireball” whiskey shots that taste exactly like the center of an atomic fireball.  So if you’re wondering what my favorite shot to do is, as of right now it’s no contest.  Fireball whiskey is my favorite shot, period!  Or exclamation point i guess.

But now i hear that there’s a tequila cinnamon shot?  i feel like i should try it immediately, mostly because i’m a Mexican who hates tequila.  But i do love cinnamon, so maybe there’s a chance i can finally drink the liquor that is considered mother’s milk in my country?  i can hope, can’t i??

That’s why instead of discussing politics today and explaining why everybody who thinks Obama is a liar for saying people wouldn’t be able to keep their healthcare when the ACA started is TRULY missing the point, i figured i’d throw out two of my favorite liquors for you to try in case you were going to happy hour today.  And you should go to happy hour today, it’s gddamn Friday!!!  So forget the politics, forget your job and why your wife is mad at you AGAIN for no reason and get to a bar and do a shot each of Cuervo Cinge and Fireball whiskey.  And then come back on Monday and tell me which one is your favorite and i’ll do the same.  Sounds like a plan?  Good!  Let’s go start the weekend already!!!!


-So i’m a little late saying this, and by  late i mean i probably should have said this back in 2001.  But renting movies from a store is officially OVER Portlandia style, and it’s time to say a long overdue LATER DICKS!  to Blockbuster video!!!

As someone who worked in a video store myself two decades ago it’s almost a little sad to say goodbye to these kinds of stores.  The same way it’s kinda sad that there are no record stores anymore.  But whatever, we live in the future now kids!  And at a time when you can get anything On Demand or on Hulu or Torrent or Netflix and/or anywhere or the Interwebs this whole renting movies thing is bull$hit.

Except from Red Box of course, i don’t know why but i love it and it’s the money!!!  And it’s only $1???  Sign me up now!!!

“OLD SCHOOL” NONSENSE- So i got some candy from one of those vending machines recently.  You know, the ones that you put in 25 cents or whatever and get a handful of goodness.  Which was also the nickname for my penis back in high school.  But anyways, shouldn’t people not get candy from these things?  How long could that candy possibly have been in there?  The 60’s??

And how many disgusting sweaty unwashed hands have turned that knob and stuck their filthy mitts all over that piece?  So yeah i was thinking about all of that but then i was like “who f’n cares? i want a handful of sour candy and i hate carrying around change. This candy is win win!”  So basically my want of candy outweighed the fact that i probably have strep throat and pink eye now.  Oh well, those $hits were the money.  And it was only two bits!

“Facebook etiquette”- Here’s what happens when you ask for “likes” on Facbook in hopes that it actually does anything… 
Fast Food Tips – So if you’ve been seeing these commercials for the “Triple Steak Stack” from Taco Bell and the front of your pants got moist in anticipation i’m sorry to tell you but this sandwich is HORRIFIC.  The problem is our eyes see the word “STEAK” combined with the word “TRIPLE” and then all our brain sees is “TRIPLE STEAK.”  When the words we really should be focused on are the ones that say “TACO BELL.”  Because we all know they don’t use “real” meat at Taco Bell.  So why would we expect them to use actual delicious steak?  We shouldn’t, and we should all know better.  But many of you will make the same mistake as i and get this sloppy nonsense and be super disappointed.  
i would never lie to you kids, especially about something as serious as this.  But whatever you do do not get this disgusting sandwich because your taste buds, your stomach, and your balloon knot will all regret it later.  You have been warned!!
And that’s it for me today kids.  i hope you all go out and have a great weekend, and for real you’d better try those cinnamon shots or i will punch you in the face!!  Sorry, i already started drinking and now i’m getting angry as usual.  But i love you guys so much, have fun and come back here on Tuesday for an all new blog.  Or i’ll F*CKING KILL YOU GUYS AND BASH YOUR FACES IN!!!   Love you! 🙂 
Cya Tuesday, @migueljose_85 on Twitter

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