i can’t promise i’ll try, but i’ll try to try… Bart Simpson

24 Sep
MY 250TH BLOG!!!
What is up kids??
Can you believe it??? This is blog 250!!!!  Are you f’n kidding me?  Someone get the net, i am officially a LUNATIC!!  Although if we’re going to talk milestones then i have to bring up that 9 years and two days ago Flight 815 from Australia to LAX crashed on a mysterious island and started my favorite show ever.  No, not the best show, my favorite show.  The best show ever is clearly “Breaking Bad,” and i can’t believe that ride ends this Sunday…
But speaking of rides it’s been a crazy one writing this blog my friends, a LOT has happened since i first started this piece.  It’s almost crazy to think about where i was in my life when i started this thing.
So why not take a peek back and check it out since we can?  i know most people don’t go back and read my old blogs.  Hell i know most people have trouble keeping up with all of the new ones i put out each week. Which is why for blog 250 i’m going to re-post my SECOND ever rant that i ever did right here, right now Jesus Jones style.  And since i posted my first ever blog on blog post 200, doing this for #250 this sounds about right!!  Mostly because it’s unoriginal and lazy just like me. 
But anyways, if you have ever wondered what this blog was like when it first started but were too lazy to just click on the stupid links well then enjoy my second blog ever!! Back when my name for this thing was “The Money Blog…” 
March 24th, 2011–  Blog numero dos… i guess that’s an apt beginning for this stinking pile of $hit.  haha actually i don’t feel that way but it’s a funny way to start.

But yeah my new blog day 2.  i say day 2 like i’m doing one of those blogs that actually have a meaning or a point. “100 days of exercising! 30 day countdown till the baby is here!  Week 85 of the rash that won’t go away….”

Yeah none rash for me, just as there is no point to this.  Just writing for writing’s sake i guess.  What else am i gonna do at work, work?  C’mon, you’re better then that.  Plus today is one of those days i checked out as soon as my alarm went off.  Which is rough cause i have a ton of work i need to get done, and Lord knows i won’t do anything on a Friday, and i HATE doing things on Monday…

I wonder how long I will keep this up? (that’s what she said…. i didn’t want to say it but everyone’s thinking it). Hopefully it’s not like everything else i do in my life where i get fired up for something and lose interest 10 minutes after starting it.  Like these 4 day diets i go on, or my 2 day working out binge i go on and then stop forever.  i actually belong to a gym and pay $10 a month, and i’ve belonged there for almost 2 years… but i’ve never went inside.  Haha for real, i signed up when the gym was being built because the deal was it’s 10 beans a month and i’m like “you cant’ beat that!”and then the gym opened and i never went to it ever.  Honestly, it’s almost 2 years later i’ve never even been inside.  i look at the $10 charge a month as my fat tax, like i pay 10 bucks a month to be fine with the fact i don’t exercise or eat well.  Like it’s okay to be lazy cause i’m paying 10 beans for it.  Seems like a fair price to me.  So if i ever owe you 10 bucks and i say i don’t have it tell me to quit that gym already

 i’ve already decided i need a new name for this blog.  Yeah i get it, i say everything’s the MONEY.  Cause “Swingers” only came out 25 years ago and is so relevant.  Maybe i’ll call it the “We’re not worthy!” blog because “Wayne’s World” is so topical these days.  BTW, “Wayne’s World 2” was on last weekend.  Highly underrated movie and Kim Bassinger and Drew Barrymore are SMOKING hot in that, goodness.  And Drew with that Swedish accent… yes please!  Wait, what was my point of getting into Wayne’s World 2?  Oh i remember, you should all watch the 2nd one for Kim and Drew.  It’s worth it for that alone, and it’s really funny.

So yeah that’s it for Day Dos, help me think of a new name for this blog already….

– Why do some bathrooms have the light switch on the outside??  Is that not the worst f’n thing ever? Hey, i’m sitting down with my pants around my ankles regretting that late night White Castle crave case i ate last night, the last thing i need is the power “to see” in the bathroom in the hands of my ahole friends outside.  And if you’re gonna put the light switch outside why not leave the toilet paper out in the hallway as well? As long as we are making horrific decisions and all.

-Let me just make it clear that i don’t hate kids.  i have a niece and nephew that i love, and some of my friends have their own kids and i think they are all precious little angels.  However, is it possible to open a restaurant where the punishment for bringing in your screaming children is death?  No, not to the kids, it’s not their fault their parents are inconsiderate aholes who should have realized having kids means they can’t do certain things anymore and having fun or your own life is one of them.  And you need to ruin my Saturday night just because you can’t find a babysitter but still want that nice Italian dinner, so you have to ruin everything for me?  It was your awful decision to have children, don’t bring me down with you.  Oh and besides your kid being a crying mess he’s not cute at all, deal with that too.

– Could car makers please separate the things in cars that pop the trunk and open your gas tank a LITTLE farther away from each other??  i get that as an “educated” person i should be able to tell the difference, especially because it’s in the same spot every time and it never changes.  And i’m not saying i get it wrong every time, but i’m pretty sure if Akmesh at the Exxon by my house has to close my trunk for me one more time the next time he fills my tank up he’s going to lose his $hit.  
-Does everyone know what a “smash” cake is?  And no i don’t mean “smoosh” cake which is what you call it when two greasy Italians in wife beaters double team Snookie.  And oh yeah if you’re having smoosh cake do NOT lick the frosting!  Anyways, i’m not talking about that, i’m talking about a “smash” cake.  Because i had no idea what that was until i went to a one year old’s birthday party recently and i found out for myself.  What were you doing at a one year old’s birthday party you creepy ahole????”  i’m going through a strange Milf phase right now, leave me alone…
Anyways, apparently since it’s irresponsible parenting to let a one year old eat a slice of birthday cake they instead make an entire cake just for the child called a “smash” cake that is only there for the little tyke to just smush up with their hands and get all over their face and everywhere so you can clean it up. There is also another cake that the rest of the family gets to actually eat and enjoy i guess, but the smash cake is simply for the kid.  Seems a little ridiculous to me, and just a waste of good cake to be honest. But parents are nuts so that’s what they do now.  Most of you probably knew this already, but i’m sure a bunch of heterosexual men who don’t have kids had ZERO clue what the F this was until i told you right now.   And when you get down to it that’s really the point of my blog, isn’t it?  To inform all of you with all of the useless nonsense i have rattling around in my dome?  Oh really?  Because i thought the point of this blog was to make us laugh!  Oh yeah, and that too i guess.
– So i feel like the phrase “More bang for your buck!” should only be used for prostitutes.  People use this phrase for everything, i swear i just heard someone use it about an air conditioner the other day.  “You know, even though this model is pretty cheap, you really get more bang for your buck!” Oh really?  i don’t even get where i’m supposed to stick my penis!  i mean i do see some holes but they are FREEZING!  Haha this joke is ridiculous and makes no sense.
Speaking of prostitutes, Rob and i are hard at work on the second season of “VHS Breakdown” but we really want to get our fans more involved with this one.  Which is why we are going to let our fans decide one movie that you want us to review for Season Dos!!  At first we thought maybe we’d do a contest for it, but then we remembered we are lazy and would never put it together let alone figure out who won it.
That’s why instead we’re just going to put it up to a vote on www.Blip.tv/VHSBreakdown, all you have to do is go to our page and comment on any one of our episodes and tell us what movie you want us to review!  Sounds easy enough to do, right?  If you have a movie you’d like to see us review, just go to our Blip.tv page and make a comment on any episode and that’s it!! 
In addition, we are also giving away free “VHS Breakdown” stickers to whoever leaves a comment as well!  You don’t even have to suggest a movie, just tell us you dig our show and you get a sticker.  And who doesn’t want a free sticker?!??  A$$holes, that’s who.
So starting today, go tell me what movie to do and/or say you dig us on www.Blip.tv/VHSBreakdown and you also get a free sticker.   To make it easier here is the link for our review of “Teen Wolf.”  Just go HERE and make a comment and you get a free sticker!  It’s that easy!!  Well you’ll also need to send me an address to send the sticker to, and that you can email me at happyhourinc.migueljose@gmail.com.  So if you like our show and you dig free stickers go make a comment now!!!
But thanks again for reading blog 250.  Soon i’ll be going on THREE YEARS and blog 300 and then i’ll just turn myself into the police on reasons of insanity.  But to be honest i’ll still write this blog from jail, and i hope you all still join me!!  
Cya Friday at Blog 251!!- @migueljose_85 on Twitter

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