It wouldn’t be gay to put a wig on a man and pretend they’re a woman. How could that be gay if you’re pretending they’re a woman? Not that I did it. – Jermaine "Flight of the Conchords"

20 Sep
What is up kids?

i’ll tell you what’s up, i’ve had a crazy f’n last week or so in my life.  And by crazy i mean i’m having one of the best two months runs ever!!  Not counting the Giants football season of course…

Anyways, i have to tell you about the “Oddball Festival” that i went to a couple Saturdays ago where i got to see some fantastic comics.  Starting with “Flight of the Conchords,” a comedy duo from New Zealand that plays hilarious songs who used to have a show on HBO.  i know they are not everyone’s cup of tea, which is a nice way of saying not everybody finds them funny.  But i f’n LOVED their show, i think their act is truly original and super funny, and it was one of my dreams in life to see them in person.  And thanks to a birthday present from my amazing girlfriend that dream came true just this month!!  Knock that wish off of my bucket list bitches!
But it wasn’t just them we saw, this festival had a SICK lineup of comedians.  Kristen Schaal was f’n hilarious, Sarah Silverman made a surprise appearance and killed, and John Mullaney and Al Madrigal had killer sets as well.  But the main event was seeing Dave Chappelle, who is coming back to comedy after a long hiatus…
And after seeing Chappelle live there are two things that i can say for sure.  The first thing is that guy is JACKED!  i mean he is JIZACKED, he definitely has two tickets to the gun show.  Everyone says that he went crazy, but if by went crazy they mean he started taking creatine and then lifting weights like a madman then they are right, that guy is CRAZY!
That ain’t photoshop kids, that is DAVE CHAPPELLE!  And yeah his huge arms were the first thing i noticed when we saw him haha.  But the second thing i noticed is that he’s still got it.  His set f’n KILLED, and he once again proved he is the best storyteller in the business.  And he told stories about EVERYTHING.  From why he left his show and how he feels about it now.  And why he hates being famous and probably won’t be doing stand up comedy for that much longer.  It was a very raw, personal, and hilarious set and i couldn’t be happier that i saw this legend on stage for my first time.  
And that’s not all the crazy stuff i’ve been doing lately kids.  This past Thursday i also got to see two of the funniest men of ALL TIME, Bob Odenkirk and David Cross.   Most of you probably know Odenkirk as Saul from “Breaking Bad.”  And most of you probably know David Cross for his role as Tobias Funke from “Arrested Development.”  
Anyways, these guys used to show on HBO back in the 90’s called “Mr. Show with Bob and David,” which to this day is still one of my favorite shows of all time.  Kids today don’t realize this but comedy didn’t used to always be this raw.  Nowadays you have comedians like Daniel Tosh, Amy Schumer, Anthony Jeslenik, Jim Norton, etc, that are straight RUTHLESS.  But back in the day people stayed away from jokes about religion, rape, the Holocaust…
But not these two!  They had a sketch show that would make fun of all of those things and more, and it totally shaped the way my comedy is today.  They would joke about the things that people only felt comfortable joking about around their friends, or at least they were the jokes that me and my friends would make haha.  It was so ruthless and great and funny and it was one of the most influential comedy shows ever, and these guys got back together and did a show at Town Hall in New York and me and Rob got to see them last week.  And it was the best!  It was basically like being in the audience for a live taping of “Mr. Show,” something i never thought would be possible.  So once again, another dream i’ve had for as long as i could remember came true this month as my bucket list is getting smaller and smaller…
So yeah basically this blog is just to tell you all about how i have the best life ever.  But most of you know that already!!  You read my blog enough to know that most of my days involve boozing and beer pong and power hours and watching comedies and filming my hit television show “VHS Breakdown.” Now i’ve added seeing all of my comedy idols in person to this life.  Pretty good deal i have going huh? My advice is to copy everything i do kids, because everything i’m doing lately is the MONEY.  i guess it helps that i’m the money myself though, hence the reason i bring it to you two times a week!!
-i HATE being responsible for holding my tickets when i’m going to an event.  i’m always an anxious filled, panicky MESS!!  And it doesn’t matter where i keep them.  Whether they are in a buttoned up pocket in my cargo shorts, or they are folded up neatly deep down in my jeans pocket and it’s impossible for them to go anywhere.  i literally have to check if i have the tickets in my pocket a MILLION times, and at no point am i ever confident that i still have them.  i don’t know what it is, i just can’t handle that responsibility.  i’m such a psycho that even when i’m driving in my car i’ll constantly check them in my pockets to see if they are there, which is impossible because i’M DRIVING IN MY CAR!!   But then like an even bigger psycho i’ll check them again later just in case i dropped them while i was checking to see if they are there…
Sometimes i think i admit too much to you guys.  This is one of those times.  
“OLD SCHOOL” NONSENSE – Hey buzzkill who is on the phone nonstop when we are out, can you PLEASE stop ruining my weekend with your drama please?  It’s Friday night, we are out for our friends birthday and you are either outside the bar in a texting fight with your boyfriend, or when you do bother to come back in you are pouting and not drinking at all and are ZERO fun.  If i can pretend to care and ask if you are okay, can you at least pretend back that you’re having a good time?  Honestly, i don’t really care either way if you do have a good time because i’m having the money time regardless.  But your obvious sulking and need for attention just f’n sux.  Why don’t you just go home and be miserable?  You would make everyone’s night better if you do.  
A Great Name for a Punk Band! – “The Dang Nabbits” 
Fast Food Tips –-McDonald’s currently has a deal that for 5 bucks you can 20 McNuggets. And yes i got that deal last night and YES i am regretting it HEAVILY today.  But when it comes to McNuggets, 20 of them is really the only way to order them.  i mean who only eats 6 McNuggets?  Or 10 for that matter??  A$$holes, that’s who.  And i may be an obnoxious dumb basterd but i am NOT an a$$hole when it comes to my Mcnuggets!  
Although speaking of a$$holes, mine was in a lot of pain after eating all of that “chicken.”  Oh and by the way, when you order them $hits make sure you tell them how many of each sauce you want.  If you just say, “i’d like BBQ and Ranch sauce please!” you can be sure that you are going to have to try and stretch out the two packets of sauce they give you for 20 nuggets which everyone knows is impossible.  My advice is to literally count them out.  “Yo Flo, hook me up with two spicy buffalo sauces, two chipotle bbq, two sweet chili and two honey mustard.  And oh yeah hook me up with a toasted bagel and cream cheese. Snoogans.”  And then when you get all those sauces and are about to leave then say, “Oh yeah, could i also get two hot mustard please??”  Do it and you’ll thank me later.  
And that’s it for me today kids!  And i have just finished blog 249 which means this Tuesday will be blog 250!!!  Holy S Balls that is as insane as it gets!!!  When are people going to read all of these and lock me up already??  i am obviously not a sane person!
But then again, neither are any of you which is why you come back here week after week.  Anyways thanks again for reading, and if you think anyone else would dig this blog make sure you share it with your friends and/or enemies!  If you could do so i would really appreciate it!
But have a great weekend everyone and i’ll see you back here for blog 250!!!
Cya, @migueljose_85 on Twitter 

And watch my show “VHS Breakdown” on!!

2 Responses to “It wouldn’t be gay to put a wig on a man and pretend they’re a woman. How could that be gay if you’re pretending they’re a woman? Not that I did it. – Jermaine "Flight of the Conchords"”

  1. Anonymous October 19, 2014 at 12:29 pm #

    Have you ever farted in someone's mouth?


  2. Miguel Jose October 21, 2014 at 1:05 am #



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