One thing is for certain: the more profoundly baffled you have been in your life, the more open your mind becomes to new ideas. – Neil deGrasse Tyson

10 Sep

What is up kids?

So can we all agree that the summer is officially over now?  i mean yeah i guess technically it’s not over until later in the month.  But for real, between this cool weather and football being back on television, plus everybody going back to school and the New York Mets basically BEGGING their fans to come to their games it is most definitely the Fall already.

And i’m not kidding about that Mets bit, they literally have a deal that for every one parent who buys a ticket in September they get to bring THREE children free to the game! Although i’m pretty sure that if you call up and try to bargain with them you can probably get them to throw in a hand job from Mr. Met as well…

Speaking of hand jobs and going back to school, it’s really making me feel old that everyone i’m friends with on Facebook is posting pictures of their kids first day in pre-school, or kindergarten, or second grade, or for some even high school!!  When did i get to be friends with such old bitches??  Or am i just friends with a lot of the girls from the show “Teen Mom,” and chicks are just having kids younger and younger these days????

i’m just teasing ladies.  It’s me who’s an old basterd.  i’m way past the age of all of my friends getting married, i’m at the age where everyone is working on their second and dare i say third child.  And to be honest i’d probably be depressed about being this age if i wasn’t so money and fun and had such an amazing life and intelligent outlook on things.  Like if i didn’t have any of those qualities i just listed it would probably bother me this whole getting older thing, but oh well what can you do.  Everyone gets older, but not everyone can be the money.  So i’ll just be happy that i do the latter! 🙂

But i’m getting there kids, i have to be honest with you.  One of these years i’m going to have to “settle down” and stop the partyin and boozin and blazin, and that time is only going to come sooner rather then later.  Am i really getting to the point where doing a power hour, running the table in beer pong, ordering a sausage Sicilian pie from Tommy Turvinos pizza, eating it, and then throwing up everywhere is no longer as cool as it used to be?  Am i finally growing up and becoming the man that i’m supposed to become???

Meh, not yet.  Although for the first time in my life i can at least entertain those ideas without putting a bullet in my dome.  But whatever, i’m not 100% on that bandwagon yet boys and girls.  Call me crazy, but some part of me still wants to party.  Some part of me isn’t ready to give up the spoiling of me just yet, and in turn dedicate my entire life to some silly child.  Maybe someday i will but i’m not there yet.  So instead, i’ll keep partyin and boozin and blazin and most importantly bloggin.  And i hope you all stick with me while i do!!!

– How many of you recognized the quote i used today from what Jay John posted on my Here Comes the Money Facebook page?  Have any of you still not “liked” that page? What’s you’re f’n problem, it’s hilarious!  Mostly because of JJ, but whatever.  If i’m smart enough to get him to help out with my page then i deserve all the credit for his laughs!! Because i’m the money, that’s why.

Speaking of the money, here is a post that JJ put on his personal FB page and not on “Here Comes the Money.”  So i’m going to post it here since most of you haven’t seen it yet, mostly because football is on and i feel like being lazy.  Although it is also an amazingly important lesson that most people will never seem to learn…

A Great Name for a Punk Band! “The Dot Dot Dots”

And now, it’s the horrific return of: Guy Who F*CKED Me In Fantasy Football This Week… Can it be anyone other then Peyton Manning? It was pretty impossible to beat the guy i was playing when that thick skulled hick threw 7 TD’s.  i mean yeah he’s one of the best regular season QB’s of all time, but he’s still one behind his brother on Super Bowl rings.  Or maybe i can blame my first round pick CJ Spiller for his horrific performance of a fumble and getting out run by a running back who is literally 32 years old and counting which is ANCIENT for a running back.  So yeah thanks to CJ for helping me go 0-4 in all 4 of my leagues!!!!

Whatever, this all pales in comparison to the Giants loss to the Cowboys for the first time ever in the new stadium. And don’t get  me wrong, the G-Men deserved it.  But i was really hoping to go the rest of my life before the Giants ever lost in the new Cowboys building.  Oh well, i’ll just have to be happy knowing that Dallas hasn’t won a playoff game since the 90’s.  Way to go dicks.

“OLD SCHOOL” NONSENSE- Do all of you know what catnip is?  Maybe you don’t, i mean i know i just found out.  And do all of you know how much i hate cats?  i f’n HATE them, with a passion.  There has only been one ever that i liked, and it’s because it was a kitten and apparently kittens aren’t the worst.  She’s actually kind of fun, but gddamn it i hate to admit it.  Anyways i’m learning all these things about cats, and one of them is they LOVE f’n catnip.  It’s like kitty crack for them, no joke.  Seriously, it’s like heroin, crack and cocaine all rolled into one.  And it looks like weed, that’s the funny part. It looks like a bag of cat weed.  Anyways they don’t even eat it or nothing, it just drives them f’n nuts and it’s pretty funny to watch.  And oh yeah did you know that when a cat gives birth they can give birth from up to 1 to 8 kittens in a litter, and they can have 2-3 litters per year?  And that just born kittens are called cubs, not kittens?  And did you know i still f’n hate cats?  Okay then.

Fast Food Tips – In an effort to not just murder you but to murder your entire family, Mcdonalds is currently testing a “family-sized” meal called the “Blitz Box.”  This 2940 calorie MONSTROSITY goes for around $14.99 in the Kansas City area, and it contains two quarter pounders with cheese, two medium orders of french fries, and a 20 piece Mcnuggets.  This “family” meal sounds good in theory, but the truth of it is every lonely fat guy in America is going to order this thing by themselves and eat it all while crying and possibly masturbating on their couch.  And NO i’m not the fat guy that’s going to do that!!  When i whack off to fast food it’s always Sonic, not BK…

And that’s it for me today kids!!  Thanks for taking some time from your busy Tuesday to read my insanity and hopefully get some laughs, i really appreciate it.  And i’m going to be back here on Friday with all new ha-ha’s so i will see you then!!!

Cya Friday, @migueljose_85 on Twitter

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