It’s not the will the win, but the will to prepare to win that makes the difference. – Bear Bryant

3 Sep

What is up kids?

i’ll tell you what’s barely up, and that’s me.  Holy S balls i feel like crap today!  My stomach hurts, my head is all foggy and heavy, and i’m pretty sure i slept on my arm wrong because that is killing me as well.  i blame the fact that i had TWO fantasy football drafts this weekend, and at both of them i was a drunk fool who some how drafted two of the best teams EVER!!!  Or i’m hoping so anyways…

But that is IT kids, i am finally done with my fantasy football drafts and am totally ready for the season to start.  Although if you are like most like girls you probably not only don’t understand or like fantasy football, but you also will start to HATE Sundays because every guy you know will be glued to the television watching the Red Zone Channel from 1 till 7 pm before getting ready for the Sunday night game as well.  Well maybe not EVERY guy you know, but that’s what the “real” men will be doing that is for sure.

And it’s not just Sunday Funday that must be annoying to people who don’t watch football.  Some of you must hate these fantasy football drafts that your husbands and/or boyfriends do, especially because it seems like it is just your unshowered man wearing a football jersey and drinking and eating garbage with all of his meathead friends, and then coming home late at night drunk either talking about how they totally blew it this year or how they had just drafted two of the best teams EVER!!  And if that is all you see when you look at what happens at these fantasy football drafts i guess it would make sense to think that.

But to those of you who have never been to a fantasy draft i have to tell you it really is one of the most fun things EVER, and it truly is one of my favorite times of the year.  i find this to be true more then ever now, because the older i get the more like it seems these drafts are getting to be the ONE time any of my married friends or any of my friends that are dad can actually get away from their family for a hot one and just be the immature drunk sweaty slobs that they used to love to be.  So that alone makes these drafts totally worth it.

Because let’s be honest, most of these guys now spend their days taking care of kids or worrying about their mortgage and/or going to Bed, Bath and Beyond most Saturdays.  They don’t have many times during the year where they funnel a beer to start the draft, do a funnel every time they take a running back or draft someone from their favorite team, and then do DOUBLE funnels every time you take a tight end in a league that doesn’t require them or if you are the first person in the league to take a kicker.   Which should REALLY count as doing a triple funnel but whatever, not everyone can party hard like me!!

But it’s awesome to get to hang with all of my friends, and i can’t ever imagine giving up doing fantasy football.  i’m super lucky because my girl is not only cool with it but she also helped me make the draft board for my league as well as make some incredible food for all the aholes that came over my house yesterday to party our faces off.  But i know some girls really hate it, and to them i just have to say get over it.  Us guys may make fun of your awful “Housewives” shows that you watch, but deep down inside we get it.  We get that to us these shows seem like horrible ugly women who are super rich yet are still jealous, petty women that fight about everything and are happy about nothing.  And we get that that is what you are seeing too, but that for some reason you still LOVE it and need to keep watching these shows.  And by “get it” i mean that we don’t get it.  But we do understand it’s your thing and you need to do it, just like we HAVE to do fantasy football.

But the drafts are all over now and the season is about to start.  So men and women alike need to buckle up because for the next 16 Sundays all of us guys in fantasy football leagues are going to be glued to our couches all day, most likely because all of our dirt is sticking us to the couch as we remain unshowered for the third day straight.  But good luck to everyone who is in a league (besides anyone in mine of course) and good luck to you women in trying to deal with us for another football season.  i know some of you hate it but trust us the season always FLIES by so it’ll be over before you know it!! i just hope it ends with me owing a fantasy football trophy or two….

-One last thing on fantasy football drafts, and that is how people decide the “Draft Order”in their league.  Most leagues do it randomly by picking names from a hat, and that is definitely okay i guess.  But to me that’s mad lame and i REFUSE to do that in the league i run, “The Dungeon.”  In my league we also draw names, but we do that to set up the order of the single elimination beer pong tournament that we have to decide the actual draft order.  And the best thing about doing it this way is that all you have to do is win every game of beer pong and you will get the 1st overall pick of the draft.  That is not only classy, but it’s what all real men should do.  And yes i’m saying that because i just won the pong tournament in my own league for THE SECOND YEAR IN A ROW!!!  Now if that would only carry over to my fantasy team actually winning some games that might actually mean something…

And no that’s not us.  Don’t get me wrong, i do respect “the champagne of beers” and all.  But you will never see me drinking Miller High life OR Budweiser.  i’m a Natty light man all the way, it’s a Natural choice!

Why am i writing about drinking and showing pictures of beer pong and Natty light when my stomach hurts and i want to throw up?  Oh i know why, it’s so i actually WILL throw up.  Hold one second please…

And i’m back, and feeling a little lighter.  By the way if anyone wants to stop by and drop me off a bacon, taylor ham, egg, and cheese with mayo on an everything bagel you would be my hero!!!

“OLD SCHOOL” NONSENSE- So this Sunday marks the “real” return of football.  But more importantly, Sunday marks the return of THE GREATEST CHANNEL EVER IN THE HISTORY OF TELEVISION!  That’s right kids, NFL Redzone returns this Sunday!  “But miguel, what is the Redzone channel?”  Good question hot girl who is too busy being beautiful and keeping it tight to watch football all day.  The Redzone channel is a channel that shows every scoring play for every NFL game, which basically means it is heroin for Fantasy football fans.  Although to be honest, the Redzone channel might be a little more addictive then heroin, because this channel has it ALL.  Anytime any team gets inside the 20-yard line or the “Redzone” as it’s called (see, this is where this channel gets it’s name!!) this network automatically switches to that game so the viewer can watch any scoring chances live while it’s happening.  And if there are 2 or more games going on in the Redzone at the same time, sometimes they will show a split screen and show all the games at once, or they will show the most important game and then show the other highlights immediately after they occur.

So when you’re sitting at home watching T.V. for Fantasy football stats there is no other channel that you need other then the Redzone channel.  And the funny thing is i haven’t even mentioned the best part of it yet… THERE ARE NO COMMERCIALS EVER!!  If the game they are showing goes to a commercial they immediately switch to another game so you never have to watch any at all.  And if it’s halftime for all the games, or if by some chance all the games are on a commercial at the same time, then they will show the Redzone host who will give highlights of the other games and go over news and notes in the league until a game starts up again.  But they will NEVER show commercials!   So hooray for football being back but an extra double hooray hooray for the NFL Redzone channel which is probably in my top 5 all time best things ever in life after blow jobs, rocky road ice cream, family, and God.  Probably not in that order though.

Fast Food Tips – Since Sonic knows how gddamn AWFUL everyone feels going back to work/school today they are offering 1/2 price breakfast burritos all day today on Tuesday!!   And that’s a fantastic deal because their breakfast burritos are the MONEY!  Especially the bacon breakfast burrito which surprisingly has a TON of bacon in it.  No joke, basically every mouthful has a delicious amount of crispy bacon in it.  Just yummy, delicious, tasty, salty bacon in a mouth watering burrito.  Alright enough of this blog i’m going to Sonic right now…

And that is IT for me today kids.  Sometimes i don’t know where i pull these blogs from but i am glad i got through this one today.  Sure it took a little boot and rally halfway through but oh well these things happen.

And on yeah before i go don’t forget to check out Episode 3 of “VHS Breakdown” on which is the episode where i review the Rodney Dangerfield comedy, “Back to School!”  Get it?  Because everyone is going “Back to School” today!!  Still don’t get it?  Well i don’t care, just watch it anyway.
Back To School on BLIP.TV

Have a great week everyone, i’ll see you back here on Friday with an all new blog!!

Cya, @migueljose_85 on Twitter


One Response to “It’s not the will the win, but the will to prepare to win that makes the difference. – Bear Bryant”

  1. Leigh September 3, 2013 at 3:50 pm #

    Love the Red Zone… “We are going quad box”


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