There are three hundred and sixty-four days when you might get un-birthday presents, and only one for birthday presents, you know. Lewis Carroll

16 Aug

What is up kids?

i’ll tell you what’s up, my gddamn birthday is this Monday!  And yes i am aware of how much it sucks when your birthday falls on a Monday.  Even your alcoholic friends that are down to drink any night of the week would rather it not fall on a Monday.  And i won’t bring up how i have a summer birthday, and how i was never allowed to bring cup cakes to all the other class rooms in school like all the other kids who are born September through June are able to do on their birthday.

Although that’s not true, the teacher would always allow us summer kids to have a “made up” birthday day in June where we could pretend its our birthday and we could bring in treats and that sort of nonsense.  But it always felt like a hollow gesture, like i understood why they let us do that and it was kinda nice i guess.  But deep inside i knew it wasn’t my birthday, and that the cupcakes i brought in were a sham.  They were shamcakes!!

But yeah this growing old is getting old nonsense is not just a money Silversun Pickups song, it’s also how i’m feeling at the moment.  i mean for real, enough with the getting older already!!  i’ve done it every year since i’ve been born and i f’n get it by now.  And i’m not saying i am wishing for the alternative of not seeing another year, i’m just saying agewise i REALLY don’t have to get any older then i am now…

But whatever.  Despite my lifelong fantasy of always dating a girl in her early 20’s quickly becoming a thing of my past, i’m actually realizing that i don’t mind this getting older crap.  For one, i did kind of hate being a kid, or at least parts of it.  As far as i can tell there is no one that can end an argument with me just by saying “Because i said so!!”  Which was my parents FAVORITE and only point they ever felt the need to make with me when arguing.  i can also stay up as late as i want every day, i can watch any television show that i want, including “Married with Children” and “Three’s Company.” Two shows i was DEFINITELY not allowed to watch at my house growing up (but i still watched anyway).

But yeah i can come and go when i please, i can order candy on the Interwebs and have it delivered, and i don’t even get carded when i go to buy alcohol.  All of that sounds pretty money to me!!  Plus i’m the smartest i’ve ever been, and that’s something you can really only get with life experience.  You can read all the books and get A’s on all the tests you want, but there is nothing that makes you more aware about life and love and what is really important then getting older.  They say the youth is wasted on the young but i disagree.   There’s no way being a kid could have been as fun if we knew all of the $hit we know now, so i’m kinda glad that i didn’t.  And i’m kinda glad i do realize all of this now, and i’m kinda glad i’m getting older.  Kinda.

But everyday we are this planet it is a beautiful day to be alive, and i do my best to try and never take that for granted.  Even if it looks like all i did was stay in bed all day, blazin and boozin watching the full season of “Orange is the New Black” while i only leave my room to go get food and to go to the bathroom and sometimes not the latter.  Trust me my friends, i am enjoying EVERY gddamn one of those seconds to the fullest, and i hope you all are doing the same.

So have a great weekend everyone!  Next time i talk to you i will be a year older.  i won’t say wiser or handsomer or funnier, but i’ll definitely be older.  But i’m looking forward to this weekend, i’m looking forward to spending it with my friends and my familiy and my love.  But most importantly i’m looking forward to spending all day Monday in my birthday suit!!


-Speaking of “Married with Children,” if you are young and have never seen that show not only is that really hot but here is my favorite Simpsons joke on it to inform you what that show was about.

-So normally i am able to just find a quote i like to start a blog and then i roll with it.  But i just could NOT decide between two of them today so i’m going to put my second choice here.  Let me know which one you think i should have used!

There’s nothing more awkward than going to the first birthday party of a little girl when you told her mom to get rid of her — because the kid can tell. – Amy Schumer

i should have used Amy Schumer’s right?  Yeah i figured.  Oh well.

-As far as super awesome video games that don’t exist but should, THIS is quite possibly the greatest thing i’ve ever seen…

“OLD SCHOOL” NONSENSE- Speaking of birthdays, while i do love my birthday and all, and while i personally have my birthday “month” where i basically do whatever i want all of August.  i absolutely HATE surprise parties.  Not because i hate parties, but because the idea of a “surprise” party is so f*cked up!!  So let me get this straight, ALL of my closest friends and even my family members are going to get together and go behind my back so they can come up with some HUGE lie that they are going to tell me right to my face???  i’ll tell you right now, i am NOT comfortable with that knowledge!!  
And who’s the one who throws these surprise parties? It’s always your best friend or your brother or your wife or sister or mother, whoever is closest to you in this life and has your most trust.  Because yeah that’s awesome, it’s good to know that i would actually take a bullet for you and there are secrets i know about you that i would take to my grave.  But you on the other hand have NO PROBLEM gathering everyone i know behind my back in order to come up with a huge conspiracy of lies just to get me to show up at a random restaurant on a Friday night.  i’m tired of the lies, i’m tired of not being able to trust those closest to me, and i’m gddamn tired of surprise parties!!

Fast Food Tips- For those of us who like spicy foods, and by us i am not talking just about Mexicans, KFC has introduced their new “Hot Shot Bites” which are chicken breast pieces marinated in cayenne pepper spices and fried into perfection.  i haven’t had them yet but from what i’ve heard they are actually pretty spicy and taste kinda money.  And to try them out with a $3.99 combo doesn’t sound like a bad deal at all, so hook one up if you can and make sure you get an extra biscuit for me!!!

And that’s it for me today kids!  i’m off to enjoy the final minutes of my last year at this age, but not before a fantasy football draft and house party tomorrow so i can drink and party my FACE off.  Thanks as always for reading and again if you want to give me a nice birthday present you can become a “follower” on my blog!  i’m at 44 people right now and only need 6 more for 50 to make me feel legit. But if anyone wants to do that thank you SO much!  And if not go F yourself!!

Have a great weekend everyone!

 Cya Tuesday!  @migueljose_85


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