Sitting around, smoking marijuana, eating Cheetos and masturbating do not constitute "plans." – Walter White

13 Aug
THE BLOG ABOUT “BREAKING BAD” BEING THE BEST SHOW EVER

What is up kids?

i’ll tell you what’s up, the Final Episodes of “Breaking Bad” have just started and i’m about to spoil it for everybody!!

RELAX WOLK!!  i’m just kidding, i won’t ruin the show if you aren’t caught up.  i mean you’re mad ghetto if you haven’t seen every episode yet, and in reality you are definitely CAUGHT UP.  But i’m not that much of a jerk, even though if i did talk about the final episodes you’d only have yourself to blame.

Instead, what i will talk about is a hilarious television show that you all should watch.  NO!  Not VHS BREAKDOWN for once i promise!!  i’m talking about my current favorite sketch show “Portlandia” which did the best skit EVER on people who don’t want to hear any spoilers.  So if you want to check out something super funny then watch this!

Anyways, other then the amazing amount of great television that was on last Sunday night, from B Bad to Dexter to an all new Bar Rescue, how was everybody’s weekend?  i know it’s weird that i ask that every Tuesday, especially when everyone goes back to work on Monday and the weekend is always a thing of the past.  But i figure most people are like me and REFUSE to do any work on Monday.  Or at least not until after lunch, i’m still gddamn sleeping for crying out loud.  And i just told you all of the shows that i had to watch!!!

But we’re going to keep today’s rant short and sweet, mostly because there is something i HAVE to tell you all about and it’s going to be the first thing i do when i start Random Nonsense.  And can everybody believe my birthday is next Monday already?  Jeebus Christmas kids, it is just getting creepier and creepier for me to hit on 17 year old i gotta tell you that much.  And that’s just the boys!  But yeah i’m ruining my birthday joy by being creepy old guy so i guess i’ll stop doing that now.  Instead i’ll be super fat guy and tell you about the best new thing ever invented by Mankind!!!

RANDOM NONSENSE

-Alright i lied, i’m not going to tell you about the most amazing thing in the world first.  Instead, i want to make one point about “Breaking Bad” that i saw Online that is pretty f’d up…

-Alright here it is because it has to be said, the GREATEST GDDAMN THING ON THE PLANET RIGHT NOW IS COOKIE BUTTER!!  Did i say it loud enough?  Cookie Butter is the f’n MONEY!!!!

For real, if you haven’t had this $hit yet make sure you go to Trader Joe’s ASAP and hook this up immediately!  It’s like a cinnamony heaven orgasm in your mouth, and i can pretty much guarantee that once you taste it you will POP in your pants.  The front of your pants will literally be covered in cookie butter POP.  Although if you want to try something even better, they also have it in crunchy! Which makes my penis go BooooooooooooWHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP!!!

-“Hey miguel! Didn’t you always say that “LOST” is the greatest show ever??”  Yes, yes i did.  But i’m realzing that it might just be my FAVORITE show ever and not the best, because B Bad is just straight up REDIC.  If i had to choose one or the other i would choose LOST, and in my head and in my heart there will never be another show that made me feel the way LOST did.  But if i’m being honest Breaking Bad is the BEST show, period.  But yeah that does not diminish how much i miss watching LOST…

– So yeah i’m feeling lazy today but i just think this picture is funny…

Speaking of funny pictures, i just think this picture is even funnier…

If your next question for me is “do i have problems?” the answer is most definitely yes.

“OLD SCHOOL” NONSENSE- i think it’s bull$hit that people who have kids get to call out of work or leave work early all the time. “Boo Hoo my kid is sick!  i need to leave and take care of them and then call out the next few days! And who knows when i’ll be back!”  Oh yeah?  Go f yourself!  It’s not fair that because of your poor life decisions i have to do extra work while you go home and take care of your “sick” kid.  You should have probably though of that before you brought that sick bundle of nonsense into the world.  Either get a full-time sitter or a nanny or quit your job because you obviously can’t do both.

And no manager in a corporation ever argues that excuse.  It’s just like “Sick kid? i’m so sorry to hear that, Cya later!”  F that, it’s f’n horse$hit.  You spread your legs and shoot out a sickly baby and that’s fine, but if i call out because i did a Cabo Wabo power hour and then eat Taco Bell afterwards and become a $hitting and puking disaster on the bowl, everyone looks down on me like i’m the a$$hole?  F you, you judging jerk offs!  Either it’s okay for both of us  to leave for no reason or it’s not okay for either of us.  What’s fair is fair. Oh and by the way, my “baby” is lonely and not feeling well and needs my attention immediately.  And by “baby” i mean my beer pong table.  So yeah i gotta bounce, Daddy needs to take care of his baby with a 30 pack of Natty Light just like the doctor ordered.  Later Dicks!

Fast Food Tips – So i’ll say it here again, i love White Castle.  i know that their burgers murder my stomach and colon, and that even days old White Castle smells like freshly made Castle.  But all that being said, these new Ad campaigns they’ve been doing lately are REALLY f’n ridiculous.  Like so poor that it almost makes me not want to get them.  Almost.    Anyways they got these new grilled chicken sliders that sound pretty money, but check out the poster they are using to promote it…

C’MON JEWELL!  “You go, Grill?”  UGH that is TERRIBLE!  i mean yeah i want a bacon and cheddar grilled chicken slider, and i want to eat those savory ones until the grease drips down my chin and onto my chest.  But really with you go, grill?  Son of a bitch WC, you are BLOWING it!

Although i say this now but i should have seen it coming.  Check out this horrendous blast from the past…

UGHHHHHHHHH! Are you f’n kidding me??  Bringing “saucy” back are you for real?  i hate you and everybody.  But i will take one of those bbq bacon chicken sliders and eat it on the bowl as the grease and bbq sauce slides through my anus and paints my toilet a saucy brown as i cry a shameful death in my bathroom.  Okay that’s enough.

So yeah thanks for reading my blog today!! And i’m up to 43 followers now but my immediate goal is to be at 50.  So if you want to give me an early birthday present become a follower for my blog!  It’s right there on the side, unless you are on your phone and then you can’t do it from there.  But please figure it out because that’s all i want for my birthday for giving you all this incredible great free comedy.  Well that and presents.

Have a great week, i’ll be back here on Friday with an all new blog!!

CYA! @migueljose_85 on Twitter

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4 Responses to “Sitting around, smoking marijuana, eating Cheetos and masturbating do not constitute "plans." – Walter White”

  1. Anonymous August 13, 2013 at 7:21 pm #

    I get it cause you switch the R and the L. But there's still an extra L. I don't get it.

    MJ

    Like

  2. Anonymous August 15, 2013 at 5:14 pm #

    Lost is the equivalent of a pile full of dicks! RL

    Like

  3. Miguel José August 16, 2013 at 12:49 am #

    See the joke is a play on “You go GIRL!” but instead they made it…

    Ah, forget it.

    Like

  4. Miguel José August 16, 2013 at 12:50 am #

    So you're saying LOST is delicious? But yeah it's okay if you don't dig the show, it's not for everyone. Just people who think outstanding character development and have an imagination and dig incredible writing and directing with an amazing musical score make a great show, that's all.

    Like

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