Racism isn’t born, folks, it’s taught. I have a two-year-old son. You know what he hates? Naps! End of list. – Denis Leary

19 Jul

What is up kids?

i’m guessing it’s the temperature but MAN is the racism heating up in this country!  i won’t bother talking about the Trayvon Martin verdict again in this blog because i have already discussed it on my last (Tuesday’s) blog.  Speaking of which, if you never check out my “comments” section you might want to go and read them from last blog because the discussion is getting kind of heated.

But i will mention this week’s MLB All Star game where Marc Anthony sang “God Bless America,” and the apparent “backlash” it received from many “Americans.”

Did you hear about this story?  i didn’t hear about it until recently because i honestly hate baseball and didn’t watch one second of that nonsense.  Mostly because i’m a NY Mets fan and we haven’t won a World Series since 1986 so baseball can kind of lick my taint.  But besides, watching baseball is awful and nothing is more boring then the All Star game except for maybe everything after 15 minutes into the Home Run Derby.

Anyways you can read about the Marc Anthony story HERE, or you can just read some of the delightful tweets i have posted below from people who obviously consider themselves “True” Americans…



Should i point out here that Marc Anthony actually IS American?  i guess i could but i don’t think it would matter.  These people are obviously ignorant bags of douche that are the true cancer of this country.  Which is amazing because i can never understand how people can have so much hate inside of their hearts.  Besides the fact that it was most likely their ignorant dumb parents who taught them how to be racist f*cks.

But can any of you imagine carrying around all of that HATE?  “i sure can!  And i also don’t understand how you have time to write a blog when you should be out there mowing my lawn.  Hop to it Jose!”  You know it’s that kind of racism that should bother me, but i have to be honest and say it doesn’t.  Why should i care?  You white people are slacking at the borders, and all of my people are coming over.  And you are right to think that a path to citizenship will only get more of us here.  You are right to think that, but luckily for us there is nothing you can do to stop it.  You have Republicans like Marco Rubio bowing to the pressure of the Hispanics, and eventually most of the Republicans will cave and grant my people their citizenship.  And when they are all citizens there will never be a Republican in the White House again!  And soon you will have to “Press DOS” if you want to hear a recording in English, because this is Los Estados Unidos buddy and if you don’t like it you can VAMANOS!!

i’m pretty sure i just used every word of Spanish that i know in that last paragraph, and i’m pretty positive that i used them all wrong…

Anyways, like i said i don’t get too fired up about racism.  If you hate somebody because they’re Mexican, or white, or black, or Asian, or old, or young, or Jewish, or Muslim, or Gay, or for whatever thing that makes them different then you well then you are a moron and you are only making life worse for yourself.  Because it takes a lot of energy to have that much hatred in your heart, and Lord knows i’m WAY too lazy to be racist for that very reason.

i mean for real, i’m going to waste my life hating an ENTIRE race??  Who has got the time for that?  And who wants to live with that much hatred in their heart?  Are their people who do not realize that love is the only thing that makes life worth living, and that if you spend all of your time hating you will never have time to focus on the positive things in your life?  i mean it’s your choice, you can watch the All Star game and be bored and turn the channel like the rest of us.  Or you can watch it and get angry because a Mexican American is singing God Bless America.  And oh yeah, for all of you spreading your hate towards a Mexican singing God Bless America do you really think that “God” would be spreading that hate as well?  At least you are a hypocrite and a big fat sack of dog $hit to boot.

But whatever, enjoy your ignorant ways you evil f*cks.  It’s nice to see that you post your hatred on Twitter for the entire world to see.  You used to be only to share your hatred with your mommy and daddy while they took turns f*cking your nasty white a$$, but now you can take time from your inbreeding to post on Twitter so good for you!  And get ready you lowlife jerk0ffs, us Mexicans are coming and there is NOTHING you can do to stop us!  We’ve already got the WWE title with Alberto Del Rio, AND we have the UFC heavyweight title as well with Cain Velasquez.  Once my blog and my YouTube show “VHS Breakdown” take off we will own all of the Interwebs as well.  And once that happens it’ll be hasta manana gueros!!


-And oh yeah, while i’m on the subject of ignorant aholes people are getting EXTREMELY upset that “Rolling Stone” magazine posted a picture of the Boston bomber on their cover.  And while i completely understand that and think that they are lowlifes for stooping that low in order to sell magazines, does everyone else realize that EVERY TIME a news station reports the story about Rolling Stone that they ALSO show the magazine cover on their station and in turn are ALSO showing this ahole’s picture and giving him fame?  These news stations report on the controversy of what Rolling Stone did, but when they show the same picture when they are reporting the story then they become part of the controversy themselves.  If the people in charge had any brains they wouldn’t do such stupid things, but then again if they had any brains they wouldn’t be the people in charge…

-First of all, THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH for supporting my show “VHS Breakdown!”  By the time you read this our first episode “Karate Kid” will be at 1000 views!   That’s f’n INSANE my friends!

And if you haven’t seen this week’s episode yet, here is my review on the 1985 Val Kilmer comedy “Real Genius.”  And from what i hear it’s just as funny to watch if you haven’t seen or don’t remember the movie that much, so even if you haven’t seen the film you can still watch my show and comment and like and subscribe on Youtube!!

-So despite all of that “love” i was preaching before, i honestly believe that it’s okay to punch someone in the face if they happen to mention “HOW HOT IS IT TODAY?!?!?”in a conversation.  That’s right, punch them right in their fat face.  Because first of all, I KNOW HOW F*CKING HOT OUT IT IS!!! Do you not see me right next to you?  You don’t have to tell me the temperature when i’m in the same f*cking space that you’re in.  OBVIOUSLY i know how hot it is out.  But more importantly then that, NOTHING is more boring then to start a conversation up about the weather.  Everyone’s been having the same gddamn conversation from the beginning of time, and nobody gives a $hit!  So you can stay racist if you feel you need to, but PLEASE stop with the talk about the weather or i will kick you square in the taint.
Whatever Happened To…  “Sizzler?”
Does anyone remember this restaurant chain?  And does it still exist? i haven’t been to one in FOREVER.  The last time i remember going to Sizzler i can recall Wesley Snipes and Woody Harrelson going at it with the King and Duck.  
Anyways, i remember Sizzler because as a kid it was straight HEAVEN to be able to go to their buffet. We had one in the town next to us in Bergenfield, and anytime a bunch of us could save up 8 dollars we would all walk over and get the finest hot buffet and kid could dream of!  It had chicken fingers and mozzarella sticks and buffalo wings for crying out loud, it was kid heaven!  And of course i never thought about how disgusting that place was, and how they basically never cleaned anything.  And of course i never cared that Sizzler was the place that i got Smallpox from that one wacky summer.  All i know is that if that place does still exist and if i did have 8 beans in my pocket right now i would hit Sizzler up in a hot SECOND!  By the way, Smallpox vaccinations last for the rest of your life, right?
-So it finally happened, Stacy Keibler FINALLY dumped that sorry old man George Clooney and is back on the market.  Which is why i’m giving The Money $hout-out of the Week  to my former #1 Stacy Keibler!  And let me just say i actually do dig Clooney, he seems like an okay guy and he gives a ton to charity and he’s a great actor and i’m glad he won an Oscar.  But the one trophy he did NOT deserve was Stacy, and it’s about time she kicked him to the curb and became the shining star that she never would have become with that old man holding her back.
And oh yeah to the guy who was never good enough for Stacy i can finally say….


Fast Food Tips – i don’t know why i care but Monopoly is back at McDonalds!   Out of all the Fast Food promotions for some reason i really dig this one and i don’t know why.  And it’s not because “1 in 4 wins!” and it’s not because i like McDonalds food.  i think it’s because i like Monopoly and this is one Fast Food promotion i actually understand how to play.  i haven’t played it in years but from what i remember it wasn’t too hard to win a free small drink or small fries and to be honest that’s all you need in life sometimes.  There are probably certain food items you have to get to receive a game piece and there are probably additional ways to win that i don’t even know about, but you will have to go to McDonald’s yourself to figure it out because i’m not going to do it here.  What do you think this is, a section for “Fast Food Tips?”
And that’s it for me today kids!  Holy racist nonsense this week huh?  Hopefully by Tuesday i’ll be back to my regualr nonsense ranting and more ha ha’s because for real it’s too hot for this hate!

But i don’t have hate, i just have love for my family and friends… and my readers!  So have a great weekend, try to stay cool which is the most useless advice people give EVER, and i’ll see you back here on Tuesday with some fantastic new jokes!

Cya Tuesday, follow @migueljose_85 on Twitter! 

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