My wife says, "Camping is a tradition in my family." It was a tradition in everyone’s family until we invented the house. – Jim Gaffigan

18 Jun

What is up kids?

So if you’ve been a fan of my blog since the beginning, (and if you’re my #1 fan who comments every single blog like a psycho stalker with no life even though i don’t post your lame comments i know you are a HUGE fan of me) then you should probably know that this is the time of year i take my annual camping trip with my college buddies!  And by camping i don’t mean we put up tents and go rafting at Camp Kidatouchee anymore.  Wait sorry, i mean Kittatinny…

If you remember from past blogs this camping trip is my second longest tradition and this is one that we have done for over 10 or so years.  We’d set up tents and drink and eat our faces off at the bonfire Friday night when we got there, then we’d go rafting Saturday day and drink our faces off on the raft for 5 hours before we had to drag that raft back to the shore over these awful rocks and we all hated it and it was the worst thing ever and Burns never helped, and then Saturday night we’d try to party it up at a bonfire again but we’d be too hurt up so it was our B game at best most times and then we packed everything up on Sunday and came back home early.  Sounds fun right?  It actually was.  It was and is the best $hit ever and we have so many crazy stories of boozing and nonsense for the rest of our lives.

And doing the same thing every year was fun when we were kids… but we’re all growns up now! And after years and years of dealing with horrific rain every camping trip, last year we finally decided F mother nature we are getting a gddamn house!  So that’s what we did for the first time last year and that’s the plan again this year.  No more tents or setting up, no more air mattresses and sleeping on rocks and dealing with nonstop mud from all the rain that douched us nonstop.  Instead we have our own house with comfy beds and a hot tub, so it’ll be a crazy time with 6 of my closest and hot and sweaty drunk friends and it’s the best time ever!  But not gay, NEVER gay.  It’s actually pretty classy when i think about it, sometimes we even wear ties…
So yeah i’m pretty fired up.  Ad to be honest i need to stop writing this blog because i’m on lunch duty for the three days and i gots a ton of shopping to do.  Like burgers, dogs, and most importantly BUNS.  Soft, sweet, delicious buns…
NOO!  It’s not gay i tell you!  It’s just a bunch of extremely close friends who get together without the wives  once a year like the movie “Brokeback Mountain” and sleep under the same roof and get black out drunk and tell all sorts of stories and secrets that we never, EVER share with anyone.  Ever.  So for real stop with the gay talk and get fired up for me because i can’t wait to see my friends and make the kinds of memories that will last forever!  Well not so much memories as it is secrets, secrets to be kept forever…
-i hate using shopping carts at the supermarket. i’ll basically do ANYTHING to not have to use one, i’ll carry two baskets and fill both them $hits to the brim instead of using a shopping cart.  Because when you use one EVERYONE IS IN THE GDDAMN WAY!!!  i can’t f’n take it, i get stuck in aisles nonstop and i always have to wait for those 5 cart traffic jams that happen right in front of me every gddamn few feet.  And then while i’m casually searching for a jar of Nutella all of a sudden some stay at home mom who uses Shoprite as her own personal treadmill runs past me and i almost hit her while she gives me the look of death even though she’s the jerk running in a crowded place.  That’s why i always go shopping at like two in the morning at that 24 hour place by me. It’s less crowded, there are way less aholes, and all of the sushi is $1 off!! 

-So if you couldn’t tell, i used that first picture on today’s blog to to give you a hint on what movie i’m doing tomorrow for episode two of “VHS Breakdown!”  That’s right kids, if you haven’t seen “Just One of the Guys” in awhile you may want to watch it tonight so you have it fresh in your mind on tomorrow’s movie review.  In addition we made a few minor changes to the show that i think makes it look and feel even better.  So make sure you watch it tomorrow and subscribe and “like” it and comment and tell me what you think!!

“OLD SCHOOL” NONSENSE – Whenever i’m at a supermarket or a restaurant or fast food place and when they are ringing me up and go “Do you want to donate $1 to cancer?” or whatever else they want me to donate to i always just donate the stupid dollar.  i can’t imagine not doing it, i would feel like a real lowlife.  It’s like “One dollar??!?  No f’n way!  i mean i’m down to spend 10 bucks on 10 different things on your dollar menu but i will not spend one whole extra dollar to help out cancer research!  What do you think i’m made of money?!?!?

Oh and another thing, whenever i do donate money i’m not naive enough to think it actually goes towards the actual “cause” it is collecting for.  Whether it be the McDonald’s fund, or the $1 for Chilli’s things towards cancer, or those stupid cans they have at stores collecting money for beating children or f’d up dogs and cats and what not.  When i donate i’m not thinking “i’m saving the world!” What i’m really thinking is “man i wonder who really ends up with all this money?”  Because i’m cynical enough to believe that the funds never get to where it should.  But the reason i still donate despite this is because it makes me feel better about myself and if the money doesn’t get where it should it’s not my fault.   What am i gonna do?  My intentions were good which is all that matters to me. And GOD.  Because when i get to heaven and Peter is weighing my pros and cons at the gates it won’t be held against me if the money didn’t get where it should, all it will say on my resume is “donated the extra $1 for cancer at Wendys.”  So hopefully if i do that enough that will get me in.  As long as he doesn’t look at the other stuff i guess…

-C’mon, grow up.  And stop ruining my favorite movie…

Fast Food FACTS– So i tried searching “lick my salty taco with your soft wet tongue ” on my normal porno websites and instead i found this picture of a Taco Bell employee doing this…

Apparently this photo was a joke, as these were old tacos that were being thrown away.  This kid thought taking a picture like this and putting it on Facebook would be funny but instead a corporation with no sense of humor fired him on the spot.  Which goes to show you that there is never a time a corporation is wrong, and no one should EVER make any jokes about anything ever because no one on this planet has a sense of humor.  So thanks Taco Bell!  Once again it’s not embarrassing enough you make these workers wear these cheesy uniforms at their $hitty job, you get rid of them the first chance you get!  Run for the border bitches.

And that’s it for me today kids. Like i said i gots to get ready for camping!  But don’t worry, i’m not taking Friday off.  There will be a new blog up then and of course there will be brand new episode of “VHS Breakdown” up tomorrow on my channel!  So make sure you let me know what you think of episode dos!

Cya Friday, @migueljose_85


4 Responses to “My wife says, "Camping is a tradition in my family." It was a tradition in everyone’s family until we invented the house. – Jim Gaffigan”

  1. Anonymous June 18, 2013 at 5:55 pm #

    Joyce Hyser t#ts are worth the price of admission. Brother L.


  2. Anonymous June 18, 2013 at 8:16 pm #

    well said


  3. Miguel José June 19, 2013 at 1:41 am #

    Best boob shot in movie history


  4. LATS June 19, 2013 at 3:30 pm #

    That rain sucked! We tried to get the right time of year, but the seasons always shift too late. So cabin here we come. It’s no wonder that we did it this way. Dragging that boat over the rocks was like moving forward on path sideways. But anyway, for one weekend everything is connected and beautiful. And I'll be kissing families that are passed out drunk and can’t recall.

    What can I say, I took the advice on silversun…. Sieg WHOOOOOOO.


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