You crush me with the things you do. I do for you anything too. Sitting, smoking, feeling high. And in this moment, it feels so right. – Dave Matthews Band "Crush"

7 Jun


What is up kids?

So did anyone go to the Dave Matthews concert at PNC last night?  i know i sure didn’t, you will NEVER catch me at a DMB show again.  “OMG miguel you don’t love Dave Matthews??!  He’s such an amazing guitarist and emotional singer and his concerts are so much fun!”

Do NOT give me that $hit kids.  Not about Dave Matthews.  Because yeah maybe as a person he’s not the worst guy in the world, even though he has zero problem charging WAY too much for his boring shows.  But i used to kinda be a DMB fan back in the day, up until the point when i went to his concert at Giants Stadium one year…

i can’t be sure what year it was though.  2000?  2003?  i gots no f’n clue my friends. i’ve got zero memory these days, and if the next thing you said was that i already told you this Dave Matthews story before on my blog i wouldn’t be the least bit surprised.  But for both of our sakes i hope i haven’t, because that’s all i gots today and that’s all you’re getting!

So yeah like i said i was a Dave Matthews fan.  i wasn’t one of those douchey college guys who liked him though.  You know, the ones that just pretended to be into them because they knew that all the girls dug him.  The type of guy who might even own a guitar and know how to play “Crash”or something gay like that.

But yeah you could say i was a fan.  “Two Step” was probably my favorite song, but isn’t that everyone’s favorite Dave’s song?  Anyways this story is about the time i went to see him at Giants stadium with my friends, a concert that i will unfortunately never forget.  At $80 i thought that was a pretty steep price for a band i wasn’t that into, but it was Giants stadium and it was during the summer and i had one pill of ecstasy (allegedly) hanging around at the time for some reason so i knew i was going to take that.  So there was no way the concert couldn’t be a great time!

Unless of course this ahole decided to not play any of his hits.  And i mean ANY.  Seriously, name your top 10 favorite Dave songs and he didn’t play any of them.  Not “Ants Marching,” none “Two Step” or “Crush,” f’n NADA!  You know what was the biggest hit he played?  “Satellite”  Which at that time was SO overplayed on the radio and it’s also just a boring song to see and hear live.  Although the next biggest song he played was the one he played right before the first act was done, and that was “Stay.”  You know that song, “Makes me wanna Makes me wanna… Stay!”  Ugh that is the WORST f’n song! And of course it’s the last song in the set so they play this overly long drawn out version of it.

And to make things worse, the rest of the concert was filled with a bunch of new Dave songs which is an absolute NIGHTMARE!  It’s not like Dave has short, quick 3 minute songs.  When he plays a new song you’re in for like 13 minutes of jamming out and lyrics that no one can sing along with.  And he played a total of 7 new songs off of a new album that didn’t even come out yet.  SEVEN!!!  ARE YOU F’N KIDDING ME PAL?!?! And the best/worst part was that when he came out for the encore and everyone finally stands up after sitting down the ENTIRE show.  Everyone is finally standing and cheering yet what does he play coming out for his first encore?  A new song off of the new album that wasn’t out yet!!!

So everybody sits back down and is basically seated for the rest of the show. And i’m sitting there kinda tripping, but to be honest i’ve never done E before allegedly and been so gddamn BORED and tired and not happy.  And to make matters even worse, at the end of the show nobody i was with can remember where we parked!  So we have to sit there and wait for EVERYONE to leave the stadium so we can walk around an empty parking lot and finally find our car.  But that’s not even the worst of it!!   Dave played another concert at Giants stadium the very next night, and from the people that went to that show they said he played every single one of his hits and it was the best show ever!!!

So yeah, fool me once shame on me.  Fool me twice go f*ck yourself Dave Matthews!!  If you want to play an “experimental” set of your new garbage that’s fine.  But don’t make me pay 80 beans to see you in a stadium while you do it, and then don’t douche me over the next night and play all the songs i wanted to hear!   So to those of you who went to the show last night i hope you had fun.  But you will never, EVER see me drop any more duckets on that cheesy basterd again in my life!!


-“How you gonna bring up Dave Matthews and not mention that he played the redneck bad guy in the Adam Sandler movie, “You Don’t Mess With the Zohan?”   C’mon Jewell, that’s what you got for me??  You’d better bring a better game then that when we go glamping  in a few weeks…

-Is there anything more depressing then paying bills?  Seriously, the joy of being paid gets erased IMMEDIATELY after you pay bill after bill.  And there’s always the ones you forget, like that Discover card you never use, or that $60 it takes to fill up your car, or the $25 you need to refill your EZ pass.  That’s why after work on Friday i always go to happy hour before i pay any of my bills.  This way i can have at least ONE night of fun before the reality that i should not have spent $80 on rounds of fireball whiskey shots that hits me HARD the next day along with a horrific hangover to boot no doubt.

“OLD SCHOOL” NONSENSE – So after my whole not paying bills rant a bunch of people asked me, “Why don’t you do automatic debit for you bills?  They just take it right out of your account so this way you always pay bills on time!”  Wow, that is fantastic advice!  i can’t see any flaws in that logic!  Oh wait, what if you don’t have enough money in your account and then they automatically debit it?  Because that’s my whole f’n problem, i do not have money in my account.  My problem isn’t writing the checks, it’s with the money being in my account when motherf*ckers go to cash them.  So yeah unless someone is also automatically putting that money in my account before they take it out i will not be signing up for any automatic bill paying service….
And after a LONG delay, here is the return of…
“Facebook Etiquette!” – 

Fast Food Tips – It’s national donut day!  Which isn’t a real holiday but whatever, we celebrate Jesus’ birthday in December even though he was born in the summer so i’m not going to get all uptight about donut day.  But anyways, for this fake holiday Dunkin Donuts is giving away a free donut with any beverage purchase.  Not a bad deal right?

Well what’s even better is that Dunkin Donuts finally did it!  After all of my letters, after all of my emails, and after embarrassingly showing up at the CEO’s doorstep sobbing uncontrollably for hours, they are finally releasing the donut bacon breakfast sandwich!  Call my Jiffy, because i’m about to POP!!

And you may be wondering if that is in fact a glazed donut that they use for this thing of beauty.  But it was actually a regular donut, it’s just covered in my own POP!!  My own personal miguel jose glaze!!

Did thinking of me actually popping on this donut make you want to eat this any less?  Because i did that on purpose, the last thing i want to do is just show you how delicious this is and then make you go out and buy 2 or 6 of them and then you have a heart attack and die.  See what a great guy i am?  No?  Oh well.   POP!

That’s it for me today kids.  Less then a week away for the premier of my new show, “VHS Breakdown” on our youtube channel!  Did you see the promos and subscribe to my channel yet?  You’d better go do it at VHS Breakdown Youtube channel now because soon i’ll be famous and never write this blog again!  But until that point have a great weekend and i’ll cya Tuesday!

CYA, @migueljose_85


One Response to “You crush me with the things you do. I do for you anything too. Sitting, smoking, feeling high. And in this moment, it feels so right. – Dave Matthews Band "Crush"”

  1. Fan of SanDUUUKES June 8, 2013 at 4:41 pm #

    Dave Mathews is good, but other bands are better for that kind of music. My favorite was Billy Corbet. Do you know billy? He was an awesome solo artist, but disappeared around 2005. His last album was called 'Live at the Firehouse' I think. I got into him cuz my friend chuck banged his sister up at college one night. Supposedly he's a genius when he's high, a really deep guy. Anyway, I got that one song and a guitar reference. Hahaha. I think that was a reference. Anyway, SIEG WHOOOOOOO!

    Labels: ecstasy …. hahahaha.

    NSA disclaimer: go f yourself


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