Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks? – Steven Wright

4 Jun


What is up kids?

So i know i normally throw Fast Food Tips  at you every blog, but for the first time ever i have an entire rant based around a Fast Food FACT! 

Do you know the tip jars that they have at Starbucks?  Well apparently the managers and assistant managers feel that they deserve a part of those tips, and this is a dispute that has just gone to court in New York.  The baristas are saying they are the ones who deal with the customers the most, so any tips from the customers should be theirs.  They are also saying that they are hourly employees, while the assistant managers work full time and are on salary and have access to incentive benefits that regular employees cannot receive.

The managers on the other hand, are saying that they also serve customers sometimes. And since they lack the ability to hire and fire employees they should be entitled to those tips as well.

Obviously i side with the baristas in this case, because in a huge company where employees get $hit on nonstop by customers these baristas get $hit on THE MOST.  So my opinion is that if an assistant manager wants those tips so bad they can go back to being an hourly employee and start serving some f*cking lattes.

But more importantly then any of that is the fact that Starbucks as a company reported quarterly earnings of 3.6 BILLION DOLLARS  (that’s quarterly, not annually) from their nearly 18 thousand retail stores in over 60 countries.  So basically while this huge company is pulling in insanely huge profits, none of it goes to the actual workers.  And like every big corporation the top 1% makes all the money which keeps all of the a$$hole employees on the bottom fighting over the scraps that they allow them.  i mean for real, this company brought in 3.6 billion dollars in one gddamn quarter yet you have your employees fighting over a gddamn tip jar in court.

So could someone PLEASE explain to me how Capitalism is not the worst thing ever when it comes to this country?  Yes i get “in theory” that it should mean that anyone can start any business they want and through natural competition the person who works the hardest and puts out the best product will be on top.  i get how that is supposed to work “in theory.”  But the truth is all Capitalism does is keep the rich super rich, and it is destroying the middle class, as well as anyone not wealthy enough to own a large corporation.  It’s really that simple.  And if this is not the case then please tell me what happened to all of the Mom and Pop stores (OMG i’m gonna POP!) that used to be the life blood of this country.

But you don’t have to, i’ll tell you what happened.  Big corporations destroyed them all and they are going to and have continued to do so. What businesses make the most money in this country?  Probably  Oil companies and banks, right?  And in this open Capitalist society i can work hard and open one of those kinds of companies and get rich myself right?  Oh wait, there are only 3 big banks left in this country and 2 to 3 oil companies as well?  My guess is that the people who run these billion dollar corporations won’t ever give a $HIT about you…

But whatever, i still dig and am going to drink Starbucks coffee so what are you gonna do.  Their coffee is delicious!  It’s way better then that Dunkin Donuts garbage that doesn’t even wake me up.  And as far as obnoxious big corporations go they don’t get much bigger then D&D.  No, not Dungeon and Dragons, Dunkin Donuts you silly nerd!  So yeah while i’m rooting for the baristas i’m still going to drink Starbucks coffee no matter how this case gets settled.  But i will also continue to steal all the Splenda and sugar packets from Dunkin Donuts that i want!!

-Is everyone getting excited for my new show, “VHS Breakdown?” It debuts one week from tomorrow, and i’m excited to show you all a brand new promo that we just shot.  And i’m going to debut it right now on my blog!  You lucky devils!!!!  VHS Breakdown promo #2 !!!!
-Did everyone see my guest blog spot over at HAPPY HOUR COMIC yesterday?  You should have, this is my third year in a row that i was asked to do a guest blog for their strip!  It’s made by Jim Kohl, who is a super talented artist and also the guy i have making the logo for my new show, “VHS Breakdown.”  And he’s helped out by Phil who apparently likes horse faced women.  Anyways you can see this comic in every issue of “Steppin’ Out,” a Jersey magazine that lists all the bars and stuff going on.  Or you can go check out their websites at HAPPY HOUR COMIC and THE BREWERY, two super funny strips that you should definitely check out instead of reading the GARBAGE that is in normal newspapers.  
-So i’d be lying if i didn’t admit i’ve only watched 3 episodes of the new season of “Arrested Development” so far.  “Really miguel?  Because you hyped it up forever and now it turns out you’re not really a fan at all.  You didn’t even go get a picture in the banana stand when it was here in New York!!” Ugh, that one hurts.  For seroius.  You really get right to the core of me, me.  But i’m going to finish the rest of the season soon, and then i’ll say how money it was i promise!!
“OLD SCHOOL” NONSENSE- What is it with white people and gay recreational sports?  “Whoo hoo Kickball! Dodgeball!  Flag Football early on Sunday mornings!  Co-ed Softball!”  Why do you white people always have to engage in this nonsense?  There must be some theory behind it but i’m too tired and not smart enough to figure it out right now.  When minorities want to play a game it’s always just them calling their friends saying, “Want to play basketball tonight?”  or “Want to get a game going?”  White people are not happy unless there is a referee and they get to wear uniforms and come up with some stupid not funny team name and they have to pay some sort of bull$hit league fees.  “Everything must be organized!”  Oh yeah?  Have fun with that.  i’m not really sure why you find the need to play all of the games we played in grade school gym class as an adult but whatever, have fun against the Purple Cobras Average Joes.  i’ll be at the bar talking to women while you sprain your ankle again. 
So i know i should have dropped both of these last week.  But these blogs have been JAM packed with goodness lately and it’s just so hard to fit everything in!  “That’s what she said!”  Thanks Captain Obvious.  But to the Yankees that got swept by the Mets, making the Mets UNDEFEATED against the Yankees in 2013.  So after a nice spanking of our cross town rivals it is time to say… 

Personally i think the Mets biggest problem is that they don’t play the Yankees enough.  If we did we’d be undefeated and in first place!  But i can’t forget the biggest jerk off of them all, John Torterella, the Coach of the NY Rangers that just got fired.  And trust me Devils fans, i know in reality this move probably hurts us more because all of his players quit on him and if he stayed the Rangers coach they would continue to be even more horrible for years to come.  
But the fact is is that that guy is a big steaming pile of douche, and i couldn’t be happier that i don’t have to watch his dumb interviews or look at his stupid face again.  So to John Torterella…   
Fast Food Tips- -So Starbucks is pretty ghetto for this whole tip jar thing but that doesn’t mean i’m not going to still get my tall bold red eye with room for milk!  It’s still my favorite coffee, and if the man that is dealing me my drug is a rich corporate a$$hole well i just can’t resist in this case.  And speaking of Starbucks, did you all know about their secret menu?  If you didn’t i’m putting a picture up instead of writing something funny because it’s mad late and i’m tired and i’m phoning this bit in.  You’re welcome!
And that’s it for me today kids!  i hope you enjoyed the new promo for my show, i can’t believe it premiers one week from tomorrow!  It’s definitely some of the funniest stuff i’ve ever done, and by that i mean it’s the only funny stuff i’ve ever done.
But have a great week, i’ll see you kids back here on Friday!!
CYA, @migueljose_85

6 Responses to “Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks? – Steven Wright”

  1. Anonymous June 4, 2013 at 4:36 pm #

    I can't wait till the devils hire tortarella


  2. Miguel José June 4, 2013 at 4:46 pm #

    That's probably the meanest thing anyone's ever said to me


  3. Ricky L.... June 4, 2013 at 5:28 pm #

    It is true that white people sports are lame, i guess the upside to it is that they dont often erupt in gunfire either.


  4. Jim June 5, 2013 at 2:21 am #

    Thanks again for the awesome blog… oh, and thanks for the crap you write here too. Haha.


  5. Berlin.Burns June 6, 2013 at 2:03 am #

    BWAHAHAHAHA…. I like your style Ricky L. Hey, let me ask you a question: do you like movies about gladiators?


  6. Jonathon Latissimus June 6, 2013 at 2:14 am #

    I know I'm one blog late but I can't believe that worthless cunt of an anonymous poster is still alive. I was rereading some of those posts between her and that guy and she got out witted and embarrassed. I would have thought she swallowed a bullet by now. Personally, I think she needs a good fuck. She must be in a dry spell, or just permanently overweight or ugly or something. Most women like that, all they need is a dick and they drop the bitchy moods. If you hear from her again, send her my way. I'll take one for the team and throw a bag over her head and mine. Obviously her man don't have what it takes.


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